Fed up

[Nowheretogo1985]

I have had enough. I sometimes wish I was not here anymore. My marriage is on the rocks and I just feel like I cannot cope with my children (boy 10, girl 6)
My son called me dumb today.
He is totally dependant on screens. I am trying to limit it but my god it is so hard. If theres no screen he does not know what to do with himself. He takes my phone when im not looking. He gets so miserable when hes not on a screen and mopes about. How much time do your children play by themselves for? What is a normal routine for a 10 year old? I get followed around by my 6 six year old who is always asking me to play. Its the guilt I feel when I say no. Now the 10 year old is going to bed later, theres no time for me and my OH to actually spend quality time together because our son is always there.

I get spoken to by my husband like rubbish.
My own parents marriage is a mess.
I hate my job.
I cant sleep.
And im thinking about leaving my marriage.
I honestly don't know what to do with myself or where to turn. Feel like its all my fault.

Sounds like you are exhausted and disengaged. Your children do need you though, and you can see from them trying to engage with you how important you are to them. If your relationship isn't working, get counselling together or end it. Don't wait indefinitely as it won't get better by itself. Re screens, say he's got 1.5 hours a day (or whatever limit) to choose how he uses it and make sure alternatives are provided like genuinely interesting books and decent Lego. And then enforce it.

Thank you. Exhausted and disengaged sound exactly right. I think 1.5 hour limit is a good idea. He is getting 5x that at the moment. If its not YouTube, its fifa, its not fifa its roblox. He's lost all interest in any actual tv.
I know I've created this situation myself and now I need to get him out of the habit.

You need to lock the consoles/tablets up somewhere, can you leave them with a friend or relative? Cold turkey is the only way, sadly. The first few weeks will be horrific then you’ll see him thrive.

Yes good suggestion. Oh I really hope you're right..I just want to see him happy without a screen. I kno to ban the screens is going to take so much effort, I just feel depleted at the moment. Not sure where im going to get the evergy from. I can imagine OH will think its too severe.

The rule in my house is weekends is free time, weekdays no gaming/ xbox/youtube etc some weekends they spend majority of their time on xbox but some weekends they are out all day with friends so overall they don’t actually get much screen time and they don’t notice because they choose to forgo screen time to go outside and play.
I think some family fun is needed, board games, colouring, film with popcorn etc our favourites here is cards against humanity (family edition) its so funny and outsmarted is really fun we do boys against girls, kids against adults etc, recently bought a game called grab the mic which i would recommend also and surprisingly jigsaw puzzles is a nice family activity too, i thought my kids (especially the older ones 15&13) wouldn’t be interested but they enjoyed it too xx

Thank you. Some really good suggestions there. I like the cards against humanity idea.
I just feel like its always me interacting with the children. OH stays in the other room working on his laptop as he has a very demanding job or watching sport. Im just drained.

Lots of issues in your post OP - I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed. But first I would start by tackling the screens - we deleted all trace of YouTube in our house 3 months ago. DCs whinged for a few days but it hasn’t been mentioned since. I don’t allow screens during the week and they must ‘earn’ their screen time at weekend. Remember you are the parent and in charge. Yes, the reaction might not be pretty for a few days but they’re children and will soon move on, it’s the best thing you can do for them right now. As for your OH - can you get a babysitter and go for dinner / drinks to discuss your issues? I find getting out of the house away from DCs and housework helps with conversation.

Thank you x yes need to go out just the two of us, babysitter might be a good idea. My mum usually helps out but for various reasons I dont feel I can ask her at the moment. I think without realising it, the amount of screen time has just got out of control.
I need to remember im the parent, like you say. Ive forgotten that along the way x