Aggressive (???) 7 month old!

[noarol]

I can’t believe I’m even writing this lol but I was hoping to see if anyone else had a baby that went through this kind of stage and when it ended!! In all fairness, he has cmpa which went late diagnosed at 5 months but was subdued from 1 month old with comfort milk, SEVERE reflux pain and what I think is a mystery allergy to just about everything (my theory is corn!) Hes on neocate (helps his tummy a little, no blood in stool) and omeprazole (literally does nothing).

For as long as he’s been more active and awake, he’s just so aggressive lol!! I know it’s reflex or curiousity but he just never stops hitting, scratching, grabbing and kicking. He’s not a small baby either he’s been in 12-18m clothes for 2 months too, so it HURTS. Like don’t get me wrong he’s also a really happy and smiley baby a lot of the time too, but that makes it worse. I’m going to sound crazy but he genuinely finds it hilarious when someone reacts in pain! It’s genuinely constant. Literally first thing in the morning and he will claw our eyeballs and laugh. He even goes for the dog🙈

I’m convinced he’s got a skull made of steel because he headbutts so hard I go dizzy and he has no reaction! He likes bringing things close to his face and then far away again repeatedly and sometimes he just hits himself in the head with the object over and over while just staring at it. He doesn’t do it daily or anything and usually just brings things close or taps, but it’s definitely more often than you would expect. He started doing that by about 2 months old by hitting his head on the side of his next to me, it’s usually a sleepy self soothing thing. He’s developmentally on track, he loves to babble, laugh and socially smile. He can even repeat noises occasionally so there’s otherwise no concerns there. He’s maybe ever so slightly behind in the more physical milestones but has hit all the ones he should have for his age and is just on the slightly slower side of normal, he’s ahead of my expectations considering he’s basically never done tummy time because he gets violently sick.

I know the best thing to do is to divert their attention but he has horrible tantrums when you stop him from slapping you or grabbing at things, he’ll scream and cry. He laughs when you speak firmly, he keeps going anyway if you don’t react and he laughs even if you trip over lol!!

Also, I’m unsure if it’s normal but he never ever sits still. He learned to bounce before he could even sit properly. Now he sits unassisted and just bounces up and down 24/7 babbling away. I’m not concerned about it but he just never switches off, hates day sleep and kicks and screams for hours when it’s nap time. All the bouncing makes him sick too and he’s sick 25+ times a day anyway so it only upsets him more.

Hes really not a snuggly baby (unless you want a kick to the jaw) unless he’s really tired or not feeling well but then his reflux makes him thrash and scream and kick even more!! I love him more than anything and he really is a social butterfly, he’s not always miserable or anything but I’m absolutely battered and bruised! Like I can hardly even feed him because he attacks. I keep seeing it’s normal but honestly it feels excessive. I absolutely love this stage in so many ways but I just cannot wait for this to calm down 🙈🙈

That sounds really tough - for both of you - please tell your concerns to your GP and to your HV. There is something very unusual in the relationship and it is better to address it as soon as possible
also, have you discussed with your partner? Or a family member? Maybe they can bring a different angle to the understanding of his behaviour?
is there a children centre near you with a play group? They usually have trained “helpers” and they will be able to listen to your concerns and give you some advice.
Being a first time mum is really really tough. We all need lost of help. Take care

My partner is the one who got the nails to the eye this morning🙈 my mum doesn’t take much notice she says he doesn’t do it that much but she obviously doesn’t see him as much.

His bond with us seems perfectly normal other than this!! He gets clingy when he’s upset, if he’s tired he hates being held by people he doesn’t know well and he settles best when held and rocked etc (he just generally doesn’t settle well so it’s never easy, but holding him is probably the best way to get him settled, just hardest to keep him settled unfortunately). He smiles and gets excited when he sees me or his dad.

The first time I remember him laughing when one of us expressed pain was when he was about 3.5 months old and I dropped a table on my foot and I went to swear and stopped and he found it funny so I’m not sure if he genuinely just finds the reaction funny because he doesn’t tend to laugh if you don’t react but he just continues on anyway. I don’t know if maybe we just need to make sure we don’t express it to him when something hurts and he will forget? But also I don’t want him to learn that it’s okay as he gets older? I’ve wondered if it could maybe be early autism signs especially with his self soothing habits in general but ofc it’s far too early to know or judge but it’s heavily prevalent in his family so it’s possible as he gets older. I think a lot of it is normal curiosity mixed with the fact he finds it very amusing!

I’ll try getting in contact with my health visitor though thank you, the GP has never been much good for us and are usually really dismissive when they have been managing allergies, reflux, colic, eczema etc so I’m a bit wary of them tbh

Might be worth looking into sensory processing to understand sensory seeking behaviors and sensory 'diet' eg really observing what helps and hinders (movement, firm pressure or light pressure, light or dark, more stimulation or less stimulation). Dd seems to be sensory seeking (forever poking other children) and sensory defensive (don't anyone dare come near her), and she has benefitted from tons of sport, weighted blankets, bouncing balls in the house, playing bass guitar. She never stopped crying if we tried to soothe her, but left alone in a dark room she would cry it out in five minutes and sleep well. She learnt to tell people she needed personal space, and to understand when she was being annoying (though she did internalise 'im annoying' a bit for a long time before she got it). She learnt to take herself away for a time out when her emotions were getting big.

I think they still think you are the same person as them when they are that little, empathy skills are later on in development, but I agree with you the reaction might be stimulation, or fun. Dd used to roar with laughter at that age when DH pretended to drop a juggling ball.

I’m wondering if he has a sight difficulty?

It maybe that verbal input has so much more for him and also the touch input.

A 3.5 month old won’t understand the reaction is pain but will respond to the change in tone.

Thank you! I do this already when it’s possible, he has ALWAYS settled better in the dark or with his eyes covered, literally from a few weeks old. He loves covering his face or rubbing a cloth on his face to fall asleep, we actually bought an owlet sock so he could do it more often (obviously take it off him as soon as he’s asleep but it looks really scary and I can’t always see if he’s actually asleep yet so I can tell when he’s sleeping through monitoring his heart rate). I actually have a 5 minute rule too where I put him down in a dark room and set a timer for 5 mins and go to him if he’s still upset when it goes off which also works well!

He is very much sensory seeking, the house is like a soft play lol we have bubble lamps and all kinds because he’s struggled a lot with pain and sickness. Sometimes he hates cuddles, sometimes he needs to be held really tight and sometimes he needs total darkness and other times he needs a distraction to keep him from being upset but not take too much attention (very much guilty of soothing aquarium videos in this house as much as I wanted no screen time lol). Mostly the issue comes in when he does want to cuddle or sit next to me, he just also wants to grab my face!

Im neurodivergent (diagnosed adhd and on the autism pathway) and my partner shows huge signs and his sibling his diagnosed autistic and mine is too so it’s definitely something I’ve always had in mind. It’s far too early to tell yet ofc but I go by his sensory needs for now and I’ve always been somewhat anticipating to have a baby with higher sensory needs.