Helping 6 year old with resiliency

[HaoPengYou]

Hoping someone can help with suggestions of books or techniques to help my child develop more resiliency. She tends to get very upset about things her friends have done/ said which mostly seem to be normal parts of games. Any recommendations gratefully received.

Validate her feelings. Notice what’s she’s feeling (Google a feelings wheel if you need help) and help her give a word for the feeling and accept it e.g. ‘I can see you’re feeling upset. I understand. That sounds difficult. / It’s normal to feel that. / I’d feel upset too if someone said/did that.’ Spend time with her and what she’s feeling. Give her space to explain what happened and her point of view. Put yourself in her shoes and really try to understand it from her point of view (remember a child experiences the world differently to an adult - rejection can feel like death because they depend on connection for physical survival). Always believe her experience - that’s how it feels for her, and we don’t all experience the world in the same way. If she wants time away from the friends, let her.

Make sure you’re accepting whatever she feels and not trying to brush it aside or shaming or judging her, or encouraging her to forget it or move on or go back immediately to the people who upset her etc. That language looks more like, ‘oh dear, pick yourself up and let’s do something else / get back into the game / get back to your friends.’ Or, ‘don’t be silly, it’s such a little thing, you don’t need to feel sad/annoyed’.

The more she feels and realises it’s okay to feel, the more adept she’ll become at moving through the feeling and using her feelings to guide her towards what’s right for her. It’s okay to not like every ‘friend’ or every game etc in life. Help her find what’s right for her.

Agree with the above. Help her give a name to the feelings. Disappointment? Frustration? Embarrassment? Let her know it’s okay to feel like that, but also that sometimes other people win at games or want to play with things and that’s okay. We should be happy for them too, but it’s also okay to feel frustrated or upset about it. I would just be careful not to reward it. No we’ll go buy you the same thing because you didn’t win it in pass the parcel. Acknowledge it’s disappointing to not win the prize, but let her feel the feeling rather than stuffing it back down with stuff.