Hi All
long story so bear with. My DS5 is not the most naturally social child. He comes off as confident but it’s all very much a defence of insecurity. Anyway, he’s in y1 now and last year in reception we had a bit of an issue with a couple of other boys being quite exclusionary. He would tell me he would ask them to play (which is a big deal for him) and they would always say no. I spoke to his teacher and so for a while they would (from how it sounds) reluctantly allow him to join in. But I wouldn’t say they were being particularly kind and some of the things they were saying were quite harsh eg. I’ve had enough of you.
This was all in the summer term so I was hoping the holiday would let things reset but it’s starting up again. With him telling me they always say no he can’t play unless he says he will tell a teacher and then they ‘allow’ him to. He says one of them will say ‘so’ when he tries to join in conversations.
I have tried to get him to just not try and play with these particular boys, at the end of the day, if they don’t want him to play, why would you want to play with them? I have no desire to cultivate a friendship that is forced. But his social skills are not brilliant and he is adamant he wants to be friends with them. They are into the same sorts of things so I can see why he wants to be friends with them in some ways. I have tried to think of other children we could have over for play dates to try and develop relationships there but tbh I can’t really identify who would be best (I work at school so have more insight than is perhaps helpful).
What should I do? Leave them to sort it themselves? Speak to his new teacher? I doubt any of this got passed over in transition tbh.
I am naturally very sensitive and emotional so I cannot separate my own feelings from what is logical. As a teacher I wholeheartedly believe you can’t and shouldn’t force children to be friends. But what do you do if one keeps persevering? I hate hearing the way they talk to him (although he’s not telling me with much upset, it’s more factual, as I do think his social understanding isn’t great).
TIA