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Help please 🙏? ? 😥😭

3 replies

Coopwhip · 25/09/2025 20:20

Hello 👋 there. I’ve not really done anything like this before and not sure if I am doing this right. I started this before couple months ago but chixkened out but I’m just looking for some help please 🙏 if anyone can give me any ? Maybe some advice and to hear other people’s stories ? And just for someone to hear me and listen to me and for me to talk to someone anyone about it and for somebody to talk back to me. Even now I’m debating weather or not to send this but sometimes I just feel like I’m at breaking point and am crying so much because it hurts. So me and my fiancée have a just turned 3 year old beautiful little girl. She is non verbal and only says the odd word and we are in the process of speaking with different professionals as she has Autism but the reason I’m on here is because even though I read it on google and except what’s being said it still hurts and I am just really really struggling with it his right now. For quite a few months now my daughter has only really wanted her daddy and the love she shows him is just beautiful it really is and although I am truly happy for them both and it’s lovely to see I’m not gunna lie it is like crushing which is why I always say I’m not jealous which I’m not and I wouldn’t have it any other way but I’m just envious. I just love my daughter so so much and I know that she loves me bless her and I know that she’s only 3 she’s not doing anything wrong or anything and I know this is on me and about me but I just feel like I really really do need that sometimes a cuddle or just anything and when she hurts herself she will only go to him and it’s killing me inside as it hurts so so badly am I being selfish?? I don’t think I am maybe I am but I just want what he’s got and not to compare but I want her to know that she’s can come to me when hurt anything and how much I love her which again I know she knows that I love her and then I feel like I am being selfish as every now and then say like I put the tablet on she will sit next to me but I don’t I just go to bed at night feeling like I’m missing out and I know that I’m not going to get that time back but at the same time I don’t want to and would never force her to you know do something she doesn’t want to do like go up and pick her up I usually wait and ask her if Mummy can have a cuddle please and put my arms out and if she walks towards me then I will put my arms around her but she never stays there for to lon. I’m really really sorry for the long long post but I just need to talk about it to someone as my partner doesn’t really understand and if anyone has advice ora story of there own as I know that I’m not the only one feeling this way but I just take my self off to the bathroom and cry and cry as it just hurts so much and I sometimes feel like I’m a bad Mum and thinking what if anything I could have maybe possibly done to have a stronger bond I dunno am I being selfish ?? And is this all my fault ?? Sorry guys to hear back from anyone would be really really great and helpful thank you as I just feel like I’m kinda drowning and it’s just nice to know that I’m being heard and listened to anything will be much appreciated thank you all 🩷💙☺️ Dawn X

OP posts:
OddsReally · 25/09/2025 20:28

First thing is please don't be so hard on yourself. Think about all of the good things that do happen, rather than what doesn't.

You are tuned into your daughters needs and are supporting her accordingly.

I wonder if there is something else, kind of low key that your daughter would accept. A cuddle is ‘big’ for her. You will know better as you know her.
Could you try something else, something that is special between you, perhaps holding a hand, touching a hand, something that gives you both comfort?

Alejandra5876 · 25/09/2025 20:48

Awww. If it helps, I have a son with autism. He has never given me a "cuddle" in his life but that is OK....it's just not what he does but I love him and I know he loves me although he expresses it in much more subtle ways! You love your daughter and are there for her on whatever terms she wants...that alone makes you a good mum. X

24Dogcuddler · 25/09/2025 22:26

Hi OP I know this must be so heartbreaking for you.
Are you the main carer and Dad not there as much?

Sometimes when there’s been a change that can prompt something like this. If she’s not always been like this with you, it may need unpicking. I know it’s hard but you need to let her come to you for cuddles etc all on her terms.

Our daughter was diagnosed with autism aged 3 and was always fine with both of us. I changed jobs when she was 4 and she had absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever for about a month. Dad had to do everything. It was a different school (retired teacher) and on the surface didn’t really have an impact on her.

There may not be a reason or it could be something sensory that’s not that obvious to anyone but her e.g. a new hairstyle, different perfume or body lotion etc. Did you have to do something she dislikes but that’s necessary e.g.clipping nails?

If she has lots of sensory needs you could look at some sensory activities she might enjoy. Has she had an OT sensory assessment? Not all OTs are qualified in this area. You could look at The Out of Synch child has Fun for suggested activities.

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