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my kids are totally out of control idk what to do anymore

8 replies

BallOne · 24/09/2025 17:46

hi everyone i dont even know where to start tbh. i’ve got 3 boys (8, 5 and 2) and i literally cant cope rn. the older two are just so full on, school rang again today asking me to pick the 8yo up cos he’d been fighting again and apparently threw a chair when teacher told him to sit down. this happens like twice a week now and i feel like school think im not doing anything at home but i swear i am. i tell him off, take stuff away, no screen time, he just screams at me and slams doors.

then the 5yo is copying him constantly, he had a meltdown this morning cos i said he had to wear shoes not trainers and he tipped the cereal all over the floor then ran out the front door and i had to drag the 2yo with me to chase him down the street. by the time we got to school i was nearly crying and teacher just said we need to be more consistent with rules. they keep saying hes wetting himself on purpose for attention which just makes me feel like theyre blaming me again.

on top of that ive got the 2yo who has loads of appointments cos of health stuff and its a nightmare getting buses with all 3 of them when the older two are fighting and shouting. sometimes we get there and ive already missed half the appointment cos of late buses and trying to get them all out the door. the early years lady stopped coming cos apparently i wasnt engaging which just feels like they gave up on us.

evenings are honestly hell, they just wind each other up and scream for hours, the baby cries cos its so loud and then hes overtired and wont sleep. some nights its gone 11 and theyre still awake and i just sit on the floor crying cos i feel like a rubbish mum. everyone keeps saying its just boys being boys but surely it shouldnt be this hard? i dont have anyone to help, their dad doesnt bother and my mum lives hours away. i just feel like i cant do this much longer.

does anyone have any tips that actually work cos i feel like nothing does.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
rainbowunicorn22 · 24/09/2025 17:50

i am so sorry you sound totally overwhelmed. I send you a big hug.
have you told their father you need help? Are there any local family charities that would help like Homestart?
have you spoken to the school not at a time when things are chaotic let them know what problems you are having?
I am sorry I cant suggest anything else

MummytoE · 24/09/2025 17:56

I feel for you I really do. You are clearly wanting the best for your boys but with no support no wonder you are struggling. Do you think there might be something else going on with the oldest boy? Might it be worth going to the doctor's seeing what help they can sign post? I would say get in contact with the school and talk things through. I know it's easy to say but getting them in to a routine at bed time sounds like it would be literally life changing for you. Might you're mum or a friend be able to come stay for a while and help out. Sending a virtual hug

Helpdontknowwhattosay · 24/09/2025 17:59

I don't have any advice but just wanted to show some solidarity as honestly OP, I'm in a pretty similar situation. I have 3 boys too - a 9 year old with Autism and ADHD, a 5 year old with suspected autism and/or developmental delay and a 3 year old who is like a duracell bunny from the moment his eyes open to the moment they shut. The fighting, screaming, shouting, not listening etc really gets me down. The eldest 2 have been suspended from school multiple times (though I think that was the school being overly harsh and they're both at new schools now doing much better) and the youngest has had to be picked up early from the childminder 3 times in the last 2 weeks due to his disruptive behaviour (twice this week and he didn't even go today).

Are you in your own or is their dad involved? Do you have any other support, family, friends etc?

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Helpdontknowwhattosay · 24/09/2025 17:59

Sorry I didn't read the last bit properly ref dad & your mum.

mumaroundtheworld · 28/09/2025 09:41

That really does sound so tough, sending you a big hug, ❤️three little ones on your own is a lot, honestly anyone would be losing it a bit. school probs don’t see all the juggling you’re doing.
screen time is such a nightmare sometimes, i’ve found if you give a bit of structure it helps stop the constant battles, apps like young minds app to manage it in the background so you’re not always the “bad cop.” even tiny wins, like one calmer evening or one less meltdown, can make the house feel a bit lighter

SepticPegsSepticLeg · 28/09/2025 09:53

I'm sorry op this sounds so hard.

Have underlying causes for the eldest been considered/ruled out?

If they have and there's no underlying cause then I would be steeling myself and going full def-con 1.

  • Removal of all screens and games.
  • Chore lists where they earn a bit of screen time for helping around the house.
  • Agreeing house rules a la supernanny and putting them up where they can be seen prominently.
  • Implementing a treat jar where if they eg go to sleep nicely, treat each other and you well they earn a marble and get a treat at the end of the week.
  • Setting the expectation that any poor behaviour at school means the immediate loss of all privileges earned or otherwise.
  • Daily routine written down and prominently displayed eg bedtime 8pm, bathtime 7pm, dinner time 6pm ect ect

Kids sometimes need extremely firm boundaries. I know my 12 year old always has. He is currently earning back all his electronics following a week of appalling behaviour at school and home with a behaviour chart.

It takes determination, consistency and resilience to stick to this though and I don't think your in that place. Who do you have for support? I know you said dad's not interested and your mum lives quite far away. Would she be willing to come and help you get things established so that you can continue?

Mischance · 28/09/2025 09:58

When you say their Dad doesn't bother - is he in the house when all this is happening or are you a lone parent?

Katherina198819 · 28/09/2025 15:25

Sounds like you’ve had to pick your battles, which makes sense when you’re outnumbered. But over time, the little things can add up, and the boys learn where the gaps are. If you start setting firmer boundaries and sticking to them, they’ll adjust. It won’t happen in a day, but it will happen.

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