Should I be concerned?

[LittleadventureB]

In all honesty I am at the end of my tether with my 3.5 year old. I have always struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety and it never really got better, just worse. I am waiting for counseling and currently on ADHD medication. I am great when my son isn't around but bring him into the equation and I am miserable.

He starts school in a year and still showing no interest in anything like drawing, writing, learning number. Basically anything to do with learning. I try and try and it's like hitting my head on a brick wall. I teach him colours and the next day it's like he has forgotten. All he wants to do is run around all day shouting bum, poo or poking me. I am fed up of being touched.

You can't decipline him because it's like it doesn't go in, he has understanding but then sometimes I wonder if he actually does as it's like talking to an alien sometimes. Or if I tell him off he in return says he is scared or I am a bad mum or horrible, tells me to go away.

His speech isn't the best. He says lots of words but putting a sentence together is impossible, it's gibberish, no one understands what he is trying to say but apparently speech and language have said it's fine. It isn't fine when he is having complete meltdowns trying to communicate.

I just don't know what to do anymore. He was a lovely little boy up until recently. Started a new nursery last year and his behavior has changed. It is awful to say but I really do not enjoy being around him.

How on earth is he going to catch up with so much in a year. Is all this even normal toddler behavior. I am so out of my depths. So miserable with life.

Just bumping for you as it sounds so hard. No advice really as I've got a just turned 3 year old who has no words. Have you spoken to your HV about any other help you could get if speech and language aren't concerned? I think your depression is making it harder than it maybe needs to be, not your fault obviously but definitely get seen about that. Hopefully someone comes along with better knowledge for you

Hey 👋, has the nursery got any concerns about his speech? Its really helpful for speech and language referrals if the nursery/school have flagged a concern too.
i expect his sudden behaviour change is possibly due to mimicking another child at nursery, maybe speak to the nursery about his behaviour there? You might find hes much more learning oriented at nursery and once he is home doesn’t want to learn just wants to play?
my son used to count, write etc at nursery but wouldn’t do it at home.
i would book a GP appointment for yourself to address the worsening depression/anxiety.
maybe a hv appointment to discuss your concerns with ds but my first port of call would be to speak to nursery to see if your concerns of him catching up are valid, he might just be not wanting to ‘work’ at home xx

Sorry it is so tough.

It seems like you have two separate things to address - your underlying needs and the parenting challenge.

The key to both might be getting more support.

For your son - is there a children's centre anywhere near? If so, approach them, if not try the HV. If you have ADHD is it possible your DS may too? If so, then speak to your GP about that. Tell people you're needing more support.

For you - what support can be found while you wait for counselling? Any support groups, calling a helpline/Samaritans, journelling etc.

Regarding this He starts school in a year and still showing no interest in anything like drawing, writing, learning number. Basically anything to do with learning. I try and try and it's like hitting my head on a brick wall. I teach him colours and the next day it's like he has forgotten. All he wants to do is run around all day I'd suggest dialling down the pressure and focus on quality time as the priority. If he wants to run around, then find places/times to safely run around. Stop trying to teach, and just focus on quality time - with the right activities he can hopefully learn naturally anyway, and if he's having fun at least he's in a better space to learn. So for colours for example - empty the washing machine and get him to help you sort the washing into a rainbow, all the red things together and hang up. Get him to run to the basket to get all the red things, bring to you, and you peg them up. Or if you use a dryer, do it with running the dry things upstairs.

Turn as many activities as possible into a game, pretend it's not about learning, and see if that helps you - pressure to learn doesn't help parents or children really.

Don't teach, just play with him, it will take pressure off you whilst still helping him learn over time.