3 year nursery issues.

[Lll898]

Hi
My 3 year old son started a new nursery 3 weeks ago.

His been in childcare since 6 months very rare a bad report, but my slightly older son who does have additional needs behavioral very likely autism had recent OT and ongoing CAMHS.

Day 1 he just kicked off didn't manage more than a couple of hours lashing out at staff and other children day 2 slightly better but home after 3 hours.

He is shouting at staff throwing things at children and staff, he has had times reduced 9-1 have viewed videos of behavior and its not good.
He does not behave like this at home is most loving little boy, I have shared videos with old nursery they did not see the behavior occasional off days as expected.

Unfortunately old nursery is full with waiting list. I am putting it down to new environment that's his not used too but into week 3 now and again his been sent home after 4 hours.

Any indication of why he’s acting out? At 3 he should be able to minimally say what the issue is

You could ask the OT to visit the setting and see what might be triggering sensory overloads and meltdowns. They can make suggestions for how the environment can be adapted. Behaviour is communication, especially if its possibly ASD. Not all children can understand what's wrong. It could be everything or anything. Something like smell of paint, or a flickering light bulb. Or just too much visual stimulation, or a noise from a toy.

To add, if your older son has possible ASD then is possible your younger one does too. It doesnt look the same in everyone. I have two, both on spectrum and completely different to each other. One was obvious early, the other not so, but really struggled in busy educational settings.

If your older son is likely to be autistic and waiting for assessments, then it is possible your younger son is too. I have 3 and they are all likely on the spectrum. My eldest is autistic and likely ADHD (Camhs said he is likely both he has ASD diagnosis but ADHD as well does fit). He wasn't diagnosed until he was 10yrs old. My middle is waiting for assessment for ASD. Has seen consultant who said it's likely she's autistic and she is very different to my elder son. My youngest is pre verbal and is very obviously autistic with complex needs. Waiting to see the consultant. They are all different with different needs and triggers. Your son is like my youngest in a reduced timetable because he isn't coping in nursery. He takes a long time to come round and won't engage the teachers. He doesn't lash out but he does scream blue murder if they go too close and I have to be called if he needs a nappy change. He goes in after everyone else is settled so they have time and space to let him come round and out of the corner, he retreats to. The nursery got wisendss in for my daughter who assessed her and gave school pointers on how to get her to interact. She's gone from strength to strength and school even wanted her taken off the Sen register she's done so well. They're waiting for wisendss to go in for youngest but they won't ever be able to get him to come round because he needs constant interaction to gain his trust and they must earn his smiles and attention which is not possible with amount of kids to teachers ratio. Ask them if there is a similar thing in your area to wisendss and if they can come in and assess him to help school and your son. It is a huge change for him and likely the other nursery knowing him for so long could stop behaviours before they started, recognising triggers and signs he wasn't coping. My eldest you could see in his face when he was getting overwhelmed so could distract him but if it got to the point of him shouting he had gone too far to distract and would need to be removed to calm down before speaking to him otherwise he would lash out. The new nursery don't know him and he doesn't know them, it will get better if they work with you

It sounds like the change has really effected him. I am not saying this is the case for you, but as a parent of a child with additional needs, I find his needs are negligible at home because I've naturally adapted around him without consciously knowing I've done it (things I barely think about, like the way I communicate with him, the way I give him a heads up about what is happening that day etc) and as a result we are often surprised by his needs in certain scenarios. It's possible that yourselves and the old nursery are A) familiar, so he isn't feeling as stressed and B) yourself and key workers had inadvertently worked out the best way to communicate with him, without even realising you'd done it.
Equally, all kids find change challenging, this is a difficult age as communication is tricky (in that they can talk but might not always find the right words which is frustrating), and they test boundaries etc. So he could just be having a rough patch. Having said that, this sounds like quite an extreme reaction.
Try not to think of it as bad behaviour, try and see it as him communicating a need to you. It sounds like reducing time there is already happening, which sounds good, as he's obviously stressed there. Is there something that calms him at home he could take, a blanket or special toy? Can they ensure maybe just 1 member of staff works closely with him so he can build a closer/deeper bond initially? Do they have a quiet space he can go if they're spotting signs he's overwhelmed - I'd work with them and see what they can do.
I'd also follow up and see if there is an option for someone to observe him there (an EP perhaps), or can they refer him for you (depending on their current thoughts). You probably have already found this, but the quicker you can get into the system the better - if it's nothing to worry about, nothing lost, but waiting lists are long and if you're on the list and there is something, at least you're being seen.