Ostracisation by other Mums-and it's effect on their dcs

[peacelily]

Not sure if I've spelt the first word of this thread right but anyway here goes,

I was talking to a Mum of a 5 year old ds today, he's being assessed for ASD, due to his complete intolerance of large groups and lack of structure he sometimes attacks other dcs at school.

Said Mum and partner have worked their damndest to try to help him socially, read all the books, looked at all the websites etc.

At school he regularly has to watch all his classmates pass round invitations for their birthday parties, except him. He now expects to be left out. His Mum said " I wouldn't take him he couldn't cope I'd just like the chance to say no politely" before bursting into tears.

My question is when will we stop this? Excluding kids who're different because it might disrupt the equlibrium at some posey party. Making their Mums feel like crap everyday. When will we embrace difference and stop scapegoating.

I'm afraid my experience of being a mum to dd is lovely but being in the World of Mums, has been really quite horrible at times.

Sadly sometimes it is a nest of vipers, there are cliques at the school gate and it's about time it stopped!!

know I'm going to get flamed but I don't care.

Not all parents are like this.

Some parents invite the whole class to birthday parties.

Some parents lead by example.

Don't let this totally taint your outlook

that is very sad
but not everyone is like that

To be fair, it may not be a case of "Excluding kids who're different because it might disrupt the equlibrium at some posey party" -- if child A had been attacked at school by child B then child A may well not want to invite child B to his party.

But in general I agree with you.

Is it just that these cows are more prominent then with their braying and sneering?

Sorry to use such emotive language but I'm sick of being looked down on. I'm young for a mum round my way beleive it or not (31 when ha dd most are 35+ when they start families)and I've often been told I look younger than that. Is that what riles them?

Where are the rest of you, I don't see you at the moment!?!

I let my dc invite who they want (they are restricted to small numbers though) my dd2 invited a boy with ADD? (has full time SEN classroom assistant because he can't concentrate according to dd), he came along with his Mum and her older daughter (who also has special needs) they're not boyfriend/girlfriend anymore though so don't think he'll get invited this year!

Peacelily - it does seem sometimes that unless you allow yourself to be sucked into a clique you are at the mercy of the braying pack...consisting mostly of insecure types who want to be seen as 'alpha women'. Hee hee. Its just such a shame when children and their parents get hurt by the insensitivity of these eejits.

I think the World Of Mums can be a horrible place when people behave as if they are still at school. They are people you wouldn't befriend anyway.
However, I don't believe that party invitations are anything to get het up about.
It is not possible to invite everyone, so most people let their children choose.
Ime it is the same children mostly at each party but I do not believe that there is a nasty clique behind it

spanky1981 I think consistently inviting EVERY child in the class apart from the "difficult one" and deliberately leaving him out is cruel!

So it is every child apart from him? I didn't understand that from your post.
Yes, that is cruel.

Then again, if you thought he was going to attack your child on their special day then would you invite him?
Maybe they don't know about the assessment and just think he is a violent child?

I would speak to the parent(s) in question sensitively and ask them to closely supervise him and no child is "just a violent child" .

They're usually frustrated, anxious, unhappy or just wired up slightly differently from some other kids.

I didn't say he was a violent child, I am just trying to point out that it may not be their intention to hurt him. It is better to try and understand the logical direction before accusing them of being nasty and evil.

I don't get why you would invite someone you were not friends with??