Four old son started reception and cries every time at drop off

[Parentoftwo1989]

Hi everyone,

It’s my son’s third week at school, and while the first week went surprisingly smoothly, I had a feeling the novelty might wear off, and it has. Drop-offs have become really tough. He often starts crying as we get closer to school, especially when we approach the classroom. Sometimes he’s chatty and cheerful on the way, but as soon as we near the door, he begins saying “I don’t want to” over and over, and the tears follow.

It’s heartbreaking and honestly quite upsetting for all of us. The strange part is that when we pick him up, he’s always happy and tells us he’s had a good day. I’ve tried gently asking if anything is bothering him at school, but he tends to change the subject or talk about something else, so I don’t push too hard.

He’s always been a sensitive soul, he’s the kind of child who prefers one close friendship over a big group. At nursery, he’d form a strong bond with one child and mostly stick with them. I wonder if he hasn’t quite found that connection yet. He does mention one boy regularly, but recently said, “I want to play with other children, but this little boy follows me all the time,” which makes me think he’s still figuring out his social space.

One more thing: he’s been asking us to watch him through the classroom window as he goes in, but that’s often when the crying starts. I’m wondering if it might help to shift to a quicker goodbye, just a warm “bye” and “have a good day”, rather than lingering.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I’d really appreciate any suggestions or reassurance.

It’s so hard, isn’t it? There’s a lot of big change happening for a small person, and he may just be a bit overwhelmed by it all. Have you spoken to his teacher about it? They’ll have come across it before and should have advice.

My son cried every morning until half term. He was fine after that. It's horrible but he'll get used to it eventually.

It is shitty, he is just adjusting to the new norm. Nursery they are just with children their own size whereas primary they can see bigger children in the higher years which can also be quite daunting. My children's school had staggered play times so KS1 were never with KS2 children.

When Ds1 struggled going in the teacher told me hand him over and leave, don't look back and that helped him know that this is the point I go. Maybe him seeing you through the classroom window isn't a good idea if that is when he is crying. Tell him you can't today as you have to be somewhere. I always said I will be back to collect you at home time. Talk to his teacher at pick up and see if it was any better if you just leave rather than lingering.

As awful as it is when you drop him off he is clearly happy when you collect him and tells you he enjoys it. He just needs a bit of time but you can always ask the teacher how he is settling in. If you do this ask to see him/her at the end of the day as they don't have a class waiting to start.

My daughter has just gone into year 1 and I would say it was fairly common for some children to still be crying going in at this point of reception. For most it eased off as they got through the term and then was a bit more sporadic - the odd day at the start or end of the term

Identifying the trigger point for the tears is good. I'd maybe try not to stand at the window if that is triggering the tears

What is the normal process for morning drop off?
Our school lines up outside and goes in as a class. Some parents wait with them, others drop and leave others walk and wave as they go into the school.

My daughter had issues on and off during the first year about not wanting to go in. We had a bad spell just before the end of term so the teacher set up some colouring activities for them to do as they went into the classroom as a calm way to start the day. My daughter was also given a bit of sensory time on difficult mornings.

I could have wrote this post myself! My sons exactly the same. Ive spoke to his teacher and she assured me he is perfectly happy once through the door, has made friends and gets involved. Its just me sat at home worrying and he then skips out all happy at the end of the day! Its just the initial going in that gets him so i make a swift goodbye and he thinks i wait at the gates for him.

Its hard but im assuming its all part of the transition, one day they wont even want us taking them to school xxxx

@JadeypieI literally had the same conversation yesterday. My teacher said he’s absolutely fine once he’s in. Hoping it eases soon.

Thank you everyone, it’s reassuring knowing it happens. I know it did but hearing it helps. I agree I think the quick “bye” and “see you later” will be the best thing. I have noticed that when we watch him through the window this is when the crying starts.

Do the short upbeat drop off, just say mummy's got to do some jobs if he asks. The more you linger the more he will cry to get you to stay.
It's hard but you know he's fine once you've gone.

Can you arrange to meet up with one of his classmates on the way to school so that they can go in together?