Dropped nap, early waking, Gro clocks and sleep going mental

[alittleconfused1]

I did post a few weeks ago but I am in crisis! I need help!

My 2.5yo has slept really well (generally 11 hours plus an hours nap) since we sleep trained 10 months ago. But it’s gone spectacularly wrong! She’s been waking between 4 and 5 and just standing and waiting for me, chatting, singing etc., I go in and tell her it’s not time to get up but she just stands - for hours. She is also doing it at bed time despite being dog tired. She just says she’s waiting for Mummy.

We have been struggling with naps so three days ago, on advice, I dropped her nap on the basis I would put her down at 6/6.30. She has been fine and not wanted to nap, but been exhausted by the end of the day and her night sleep is still a mess. I put her down and she’s exhausted, but stands and stands and stands, literally falling asleep standing up. I go in, tell her it’s bedtime etc, I’ve offered blackmail sorry rewards, didn’t work. Last night I went in 5 times in 70 minutes and then out of desperation I lay her down with my hand on her back and she was asleep within 3 minutes. She was still up at 4.45 this morning- I went in several times but she never sat down or lay down after 4.45 and i got her up at 6.

She’s now averaging (without nap) 9 hours sleep in 24. She looks awful, she says she’s tired, but she’s just standing and standing and fighting sleep. She’s not upset or crying.

I gave her a little extra cuddly yesterday which I had worn in my bra all day! I said it was mummy being close overnight if she needed me. She was clutching it - whilst standing!!

She has nursery this morning but I think I might take her out at 11 and do car nap for an hour and a half or something? Just to top her up.

She didn’t ever sleep late but 6 was normal, maybe 6.30 rather than 4.30/5, it’s been going on for 2 weeks now and we are both broken. I assumed it was linked to needing to drop a nap but as I say three days in no difference. I’ve also tried crazy early and crazy late bedtimes but she just stands and still gets up early.

i have ordered a Gro clock but i’m worried she will just stand waiting for it to go yellow and it won’t help!

My husband says it’s just a phase and to ride it out but that’s easy when you aren’t the one getting up at 4.30 and dealing with an overtired toddler all day!! I am so stressed about it, I worry about her health etc., 9 hours isn’t enough!

Has anyone had this? Any tips? Will it just revert to normal or is this the new normal? I REALLY don’t want to get into rubbing her back every bedtime because it can take hours and my back is shot from leaning over the cot, I know it works for some but it’s not something I want to get into. I want to put her down after a lot of cuddles and say night night which is what we have always done and it’s always worked until now!

Any similar experiences… please help! Thank you!

I posted on your other thread. We had similar with DS, who started fighting naps and bedtime around that age. It was tough, but we rode it out and he then carried on napping until nearly 4. It was a bit easier for us, as the challenge was going to sleep, so difficult afternoons and evenings, but not up super early. (As an aside, why are you dealing with all the early mornings and not your DH?)

She sounds exhausted, so I would go with your plan of trying to get a nap in. I would keep doing what you are with regards to the cuddly toys etc. If she can find a comfort to help her sleep, that will help. The problem with her just being exhausted by bedtime is when she is no longer exhausted, she won't go back to sleep. It's tricky though and I don't have any great ideas!

Thank you, if you introduced new things (eg me rubbing her back), did you have to carry on doing them? Did you create new problems? Or did they stop after a while and it revert back after a while? I’m so conflicted!

Not a solution but if you're both working DH should defo be sharing the early mornings.

And if she's going to bed at 630 then go to bed very early yourselves just to help cope with the night/early wakes. It won't be for long.

Can you move her into a bed? 2.5 seems quite old for a cot and maybe the standing is linked to feeling restricted.

I also can’t see why it’s a problem to comfort her or rub her back. She’s your daughter you’re allowed to soothe her physically.

It sounds like she still needs the nap. One of mine was mostly done napping until 2 and half but the other continued until 4. I’d continue to offer it but maybe cap it at 45 minutes so you don’t swing too far the other way.

Then yes get the groclock but to have success you need to set it to 15 minutes after she currently wakes, so it’s not too long to wait, then when you’ve consistently cracked that gradually eek it forwards in 15 minute increments. It won’t work if you start by setting it to 7am or something when she’s usually up at 4.30 as that’s just an unrealistic time to wait.

And then I would ignore anything from her room that isn’t crying. Obviously you don’t leave her distressed but turn off the video monitor if you need to and anything like standing quietly, singing, chatting to herself etc. then I would just leave her to it. Don’t give it attention because she is being calm and restful and when you go in you’re disturbing that and less chance she’ll go back to sleep.

At bedtime I would rub her back if it had her asleep in under 15 minutes. If it takes hours not worth it though. Maybe time to revisit the sleep training? Baby/toddler sleep isn’t linear and they will have blips so if sleep training is something you’re doing you should be prepared to redo as needed.

Groclock is a yes, they are good.
In the "worked for us" category:
Consider giving her a few books and telling her to read those if she can't sleep
Yoto music player is good
Ditch the cot, put the mattress on the floor for easy access (stair gate on the door if you need to) .
Be flexible about naps, even at 5 our son still naps as and when he needs it. We never officially dropped the nap with either of ours.
Roleplay with soft toys both separately during the day and in the night as needed.

All children are different so what works for everyone else doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it's you doing things wrong! Just try to get through it somehow.

when cutting a nap, you should bring bedtime earlier, is she still going at same time?

Wouldn’t move into bed unless she is sleeping well, it’s a recipe for disaster!

My concern about moving her to a bed is she will be up and out of her room constantly, whereas in her cot (which she seems very happy in) she is at least contained. She sleeps really well when she’s finally asleep (through the night).

with respect to the rubbing her back, I just want to be really clear - she isn’t upset when she’s standing, she’s singing etc., if she was upset I absolutely wouldn’t be leaving her like I am. The concern I have about rubbing her back to get her to sleep is that I am worried I am setting myself up to be doing this for years to come, I did this on holiday once and had to sleep train to stop it. I know some people are happy to but I don’t want to lose another hour of my evening rubbing her back and whilst she tries to get herself off. I know that will sound harsh to some. I want her to feel supported by me but also have the tools to fall asleep herself.

No I have pulled it forward an hour x

Thank you, that was my gut instinct as well!

I put my youngest in a bed at 24 months and it solved all of this 🤷‍♀️ patted her back to sleep without breaking my back leaning over a cot. She was sleeping through with a week.

Op this is so similar to our DD. Everyone was dropping their child’s naps around 2.5 so we thought the early wakes must be a sign for DD too. Wrong! It messed everything up so much, we went back to naps but strictly no more than 1 hour (any more would mess things up again even though she could have done a 2 hour nap easily) and she ended up napping until she was 3.5! Sometimes the less sleep they get, the worse they sleep. If I were you, I’d add a small nap in again (30-60 mins max) and go back to usual bed time. Seems like she might not be ready to loose the nap just yet.

When we dropped the nap properly a few months ago it was almost painless. We also have a natural early riser and she’s a 1930-0630 now, we do also use a light up clock so she knows when she can get up but I’m sure sometimes it wakes her up. On a busy day she may have a little car sleep but it doesn’t impact her night time sleep any more at all.

eta - we also sleep trained DD gently when she was younger and went into her own room. It needs revisiting sometimes though as things change so that’s worth considering.

Interesting point others make about the bed, FWIW we dropped dd to a cot bed around 18m and she went into a double around 2/2.5 (only as it was our spare bed & we were by then expecting a new baby so wanted to move her out the nursery early so it was seen as a positive move not a negative one for the baby). Not sure if this had any influence over her sleep or not 🤔