Is there anything I can do now to prevent having a school-refuser

[bitsee]

I’m thinking very far ahead but I don’t think it’s ridiculous. My 6 yo DS has hated school since day 1. Hated nursery too. Fine when he gets in but it’s getting him in. Doesn’t want to go every morning. No signs of anything neurodiverse in any other area. He’s in year 2 now but his dad(ExH) refused school from aged 14 and would probably support DS to skive when he’s a teenager. Is there anything I can do either now or in a few years to prevent this? Thank you.

Well, is it school/nursery he doesnt like or does he resent being separated from you?
Talking to a child psychotherapist may help you think about which is which amd also work on the issue.
The reasons a teenager refuse to go to school are really different from those of a younger child. Give your child a chance and dont assume he’ll turn up just like his Dad.

Just keep sending them to school, and have consequences in place if they don’t go to school for example with my kids if they aren’t at school if they are ill (yes i know its not their fault when they are ill) but no xbox/electronics and no going out after school (even if they feel better, my Ds13 used to cry every morning through year 6 i started giving him my bracelet to wear so he could feel connected to me while i wasn’t there which helped, he is fine going to school now and actually has a bit of a cold this week but has still pushed himself to go in as he has a new girlfriend and wants to go out after school to see her haha, i read in the news yesterday that this dad does a cuddle button with his daughter as she has separation anxiety its just a drawn button on both his n her hand and each time they miss each other they push the button and it sends each other a cuddle i thought it was a lovely idea xx

The cuddle button is a gorgeous idea! Wish id known that!

My daughter was the same up to year 2 when it got a bit easier. Every morning the teacher would have to peel her off me crying and clinging to my legs. We used to draw an unobtrusive “x” on each other’s hand to represent a kiss that we could press too. We also (and this sounds mad now!!) had a little imaginary bird that used to live in her armpit during the day and she had to look after him 😂 Over time “Daddy bird” got a family and there were a whole load of them going in with her every day. She never shared the story of the birds with her friends or anything strange and didn’t spent all day talking to them but when she came home there would be a story about one of them being cheeky 😂 and we had to get them “ready” in the morning while she was getting dressed. I don’t know what it was about them that helped her but it definitely took away some of the focus on her not wanting to go in.

Find the local authority’s EBSNA toolkit and read it. Understand what level your child is at. Make an appointment with the class teacher and SENCO to discuss your concerns, what he does and doeesn’t like at school, that he is at increased risk of ESBNA.

Why did his Dad not attend school? Poverty, lack of support at home for school, ND?

Do things which shows you value learning eg online source or just talk about a documentary you watched and cool it is.

Teach your skill to help with emotional regulation and model them.

Keep an eye out for any signs of neurodivergence. Read up on it and masking and be ready to step into action at the first sign of an issue and ask for help from your gp and the school. Understand how to apply for an ehcp and what sort of reaaonable adjustments you can ask the school for. Watch and understand gorj child and his behaviours and how his brain works a d try to work out what things make life easier for him. Does he struggle with busy places or noise or changing what he is doing without warning. Does he hate being told what to do? Etc.
Most/ all kids who school refuse at secondary age are neurodivergent and aren't getting enough support.