My mum helps me out with childcare once a week - collects dd from nursery and gives her a bit of dinner (i have this pre-made) and puts her to sleep and stays in my house for an hour or two until I get home from my long shift in work while dd is asleep.
Obviously this is a big help for me as a lone parent and I don't really have any other options and I'm grateful to her for doing this as i know she doesn't really enjoy babysitting in any capacity. I'm doing all I can to try and move into a role that has less shift work and where I can do all the pick ups myself.
Dd is going through a really rough phase at nursery. She's not the only ane and I know she's learnt it from watching the other kids (nursery confirmed this is their take on it) as she's also been bit and pushed and hit before she started doing this herself. I'm working with the nursery on it and I feel like I'm doing all I can to manage it and I do all I can to reinforce respectful behaviour at home and have come up with strategies with the nursery. However my mum is much more authoritarian in her approach and I'm struggling with her getting the negative feedback when she picks up dd if she's had a rougher day because of how she talks to dd about it and how she'll talk to me about it - especially in front of dd. She can be very judgemental and while obviously I know dds behaviour is not OK, she's still only small (just turned 2) and it is developmentally normal for toddlers to not get these boundaries yet and it will take time to learn that she can't do these things- it's not as if I'm not addressing it or being proactive about it, it's hard when she's not the only one and she's seeing other kids doing it every day.
I'm wondering if it's fair to ask the nursery to just tell my mum things are fine but to give me a more accurate update using the app about how her day has actually been? I obviously don't want to give the staff any more work to do than they already are doing and I'm worried about losing info as I want to keep a close eye on this, which is why I'm in two minds, but I just don't want dd getting the message that she's a bad child etc with how my mum can be when she is displeased. Is this something you think is a fair ask?