Giving up room for children

[Lily189]

Hi everyone ☺️

I have 3 children my eldest son is 5 at the end this month he has severe autism, my daughter is 3 and youngest son is 1
I live in a 2 bedroom house been on hosuing transfer list for year now no luck

I love my house and rhe garden is amazing for my autistic son as its big and we have lot of outdoor equipment for his sensory needs
Big issue is hes terrible sleeper even with his melatonin and my daughter is now in nursery and being woke by him
My youngest son sleeps in my room with me and my partner our room is packed because we have a double bed cot clothing storage

Me and my partner are looking at getting folding beds and giving up our room for the youngest two
When see these beds and there perfect for storage in our livingroom as it not the biggest and the shape could have one each side chimney breast ,this website seems like a scam and I cant find any with cabinets like this anywhere anyone any ideas where get one all advice be great thank you

we seem to have got into a way of thinking that everyone deserves to have as many children as they want when it should be about making the life of your existing children better.

Well said @sparrowhawkhere

You wouldn’t but I’m sure your dc will have other opinions especially as they get older…

‘Wouldn’t have it any other way’ is quite an odd take on raising three children in a two bed house.
Three teenagers will very definitely want to have it another way; as you’ll find out.

If you love your children you want your best for them. What about when you get broody after the fourth, fifth or sixth child? Cramming DC into overcrowded spaces where they cannot thrive isn't love. Your younger DC, or future DC may also be autistic. My eldest has pretty significant needs, he seemed totally NT until he started school. Unless your husband is intending to find a much higher income it is fairly likely you may still live in this property in 10 years time. And by that point the suggestion may be to house your DS separately to you.

Edited to add that my DS is nearly 9 now and he would not cope, nor would it be safe for him to share a bedroom with a sibling.

And trying for a fourth, the op that is

@Wynter25 you wouldn’t have it any other way? M
are you… joking?

I really think you need to consider your children now, and their quality of life.

Your already living in a 2 bed house with 3 children. Your oldest child has autism and needs his own room. Your looking at putting the other 2 kids into your bedroom.
Then your asking for people advice here on a bed suitable for you and your partner in your sitting room.
People have seen that your planning to have a 4 th child in this situation. You need to realise that this is a bad idea. It not just about what you want but you have to consider the children you already have. You don't have the money to move into a bigger house so you don't have the funds to afford a 4 th child.

As your children get older the expense will get higher with food, clothes education ect.
Also if you already have a child with autism there is a higher chance of autism with their siblings.

A friend of mine second child has autism. She decided not to have a 3rd child because she knew there was a high chance of having another child with autism. She was also aware that the next child could have autism worse than the 1st.

She said I have to do what's best for me and the kids I already have. She had to spend a lot of time at appointments and doing work with the child that has autism to get them to speak. The child that has autism is now a teenager and is doing well due to all the work she did with them.

Nobody’s suggesting you don’t love your children. However, it’s not mean to point out that having a fourth child in an already crowded living situation is less than ideal. Particularly when one of those children has significant needs.

You seem to just be thinking in the here and now where your oldest son’s needs are met, but you should appreciate these will change as he gets older and grows bigger. He will need more space (as will all your children), and you will need to consider how you can meet his needs as well as the needs of your younger children. Your oldest may have violent meltdowns - he may not now but that can certainly change; he may have issues with his mental health (common especially diluting puberty). How will you keep other children in a safe space away from him if he is overwhelmed and punching holes in the walls? How can you make sure your other kids get a share of your time and attention? And yes, I do have lived experience of this which is why I’m glad I didn’t listen to the nagging voice telling me to go for a third child. I’d be kidding myself to believe I could have met their needs as well.

Yeah I found this quite funny I’m sure @Wynter25 wouldn’t say no if a third bedroom was magically added onto her house.

I meant it's working fine atm for us. I'm a single parent

Like I said I'll be in a bigger house before they reach teenage years.

Definitely wait until you have more space to have another child.

I would think a decent sofa bed would be better and cheaper to sleep on in the sitting room than murphy beds.

I would also consider potentially one adult co sleeping with middle child in master bedroom + cot, and the other adult sleep with your eldest in their room. Then you can have a sofa bed in the sitting room for you to sleep on together, but also have sleeping options for when you don't want too sleep in the sitting room. Of course you couldn't co sleep with the children on evenings you have drunk anything or if you smoke.