Really struggling to cope with 3 yo dd and 4.5 month old ds

[peggotty]

My dd is great really, just going through a demanding phase and my ds is just an incredibly demanding baby, one of those 'velcro' babies and he's also teething at the moment. TBH it's him that's the problem - I just don't know what to do with him - he's so random in his eating, sleeping, napping during the day etc. He only seems to last about half an hour after he's awake before he's grumpy and needs to be carried around everywhere - it's doing my head in. I can't do anything with my dd and I really think her behaviour recently is linked to this. I know all this stuff is normal but I just need to get it off my chest and have some reassurance that it all does end. I just feel like I spend all my attention focused on the baby and it's still not enough for him. Does it REALLY get any better when they can sit unaided etc or should I just accept that even when he is sitting, able to hold toys etc, he will still be demanding. I feel quite desperate at the moment tbh

Didnt want you to go unanswered peggoty.Really feel for you.Having one child is a shock but having the second is incredibly hard!It is absolutely exhausting with no time to rest in the day.Your ds may always be demanding(my ds1 who is 7 is still demanding !!!) but it will get better i promise esp when he is able to do more and when dd at school a bit more,and before you know it ds will be at preschool and you will suddenly have a bit of time to yourself again.Big hugs...

Bless you for replying! I had just come back online a few minutes ago and was feeling a bit sad and unloved that noone had replied! I've had a good cry to my DH about it all and said sorry to my dd for being so grumpy with her today and both of dcs are now in bed. It's now that the guilt usually starts at my own behaviour over the day - the impatience, the shouting etc. It all just feels like a big unrewarding slog

sorry to hear your down peggotty. I'm in a similar situation to you, in that I have 2.5 year old and 5 month old and it is absolutely relentless. I know. I keep saying it will improve, but some days it does seem like a miracle just to get through the day in one piece! I think we just need to go easy on ourselves. We're doing a great job

Hi peggotty i promise it will get better. mine are 19 months apart, eldest 3, youngest 1. it got better around 6 months and then slowly kept getting better. sinceyoungest as started walking things are so much better. but i completely sympathise and know that feeling of it all being too much. Disney Cars dvd is what gets me through a bad day!

Ah peggotty I was in your boat a while ago and believe me, it DOES get better. Everyone kept telling me this and I didn't believe it - felt like I was losing the plot due to tiredness and despair. There's 2.5 years between my two boys and it was tough as DS2 didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time until he was 9 months old.

Hang in there, accept all and any help offered. And don't worry if you want to scream/sell children on Ebay/drink a lot! 2 kids is so hard....

Now DS2 is 17mths and DS1 is nearly 4 it's a lot better - some days are still insane but I feel I'm coping whereas I didn't before the first 9 months.

Rambling - sorry - just wanted to tell you it's normal to feel this way....

Hi Peggotty
I totally sympathise. I have a 3yr old DD1 and 6 month old DD2 and it is SO HARD!

Until recently DD2 wouldn't nap for more than 45 mins at a time and then I would have to carry her around all afternoon cos she was so grumpy. The good news is that she suddenly started sleeping longer at lunchtime and now naps for 1.5-2 hours which is a godsend. It just happened about 4 weeks ago so hang in there. Also now she can sit unaided it IS easier and she and my DD1 are starting to entertain each other more.

It's still really hard work though, no denying it. For me DD1 is just as difficult - she is so demanding, constantly wanting my attention and asking a million questions.

I just keep telling myself this stage will pass and that one day I will have two lovely children who will enjoy each others company and allow me to relax for a millisecond.

PS I have become much more liberal with the TV and it is keeping me sane.

It is a nightmare and of course it will better! This time next year they will be playing with each other while you have a swift read of the paper. Is your oldest in a pre-school and if not get her in there! You get funding the term after they are 3. This is what I did, just one morning a week and it made a huge difference to my sanity. Also she loved it as I had no energy at all for glitter pictures or dressing up as a fireman.

Thank you so much for all the replies, they are really helping! Good to know I'm not alone - kitsilano, my ds doesn't nap for any more than 45 mins- 1 hour either and that's why he's so vile at the end of the day and having to be carried around. dd is in a playgroup 3 days a week (will be 4 days in september) and she loves it, thankfully. Thank you all for replying.

Just look forward into time to the day when you can get dd to take ds to school while you put your feet up with a cup of tea. It will get better! It has!

This is the same as me (ds1 is 3.7 and ds2 is 4.5 months), so I really sympathise!! Ds2 is just that bit bigger now so carrying him around isn't getting any easier and he is much more easily distracted by ds1 so naps are increasingly difficult.

We just cannot give a second baby the same attention that we gave the first. They gain in all sorts of other ways though, so please don't feel bad about that. Anything you can do with both of them (will ds watch while you read to dd or play a game?) is easier rather than racing between the pair of them. And, the mummy motto - when in doubt, get out!! That's about the only time they both get what they need!!

I'm in a similar situation with 3yo ds1 and 7mnth ds2.
I actually find it easier to be out with them than indoors so I often take trips to playgroups, park and the library.
I then don't feel too bad if the tv is on a bit more than usual.
It is really better now that ds2 can sit with a pile of toys around him.

Peggotty, I could have written your post about 5 months ago! My 2 dss are now 3 and 10 months. No 2 was (and still is) incredibly clingy. I feel like I spent the first 7 months of his life carrying him around with me everywhere and learning to do everything one-handed. It DID get much better once he could sit, and now he's crawling it's even better. BUT he is still really clingy and needy, so I'm assuming that's not going to change. Just grit your teeth until he can sit unaided, it will gradually get better, but he'll probably always be demanding if my ds2 is anything to go by. Also we bought a baby walker which gave us a bit of respite. Sorry, not much advice, just wanted to let you know you're not alone!