Reading - to read to them or not to read!

[Franny1]

I’ve asked about my reluctant reader on here before but I have a specific question related to that. My reluctant year 3 reader (just turned 7 so hint for the year) has really improved in competence/reading skills over the summer because when we read at bedtime we usually take it in turns and she’s now pretty capable of reading harder stuff. Eg at the moment we’re reading Lemony Snicket and she can do most of it no problem. She LOVES being read to and loves this particular story but is still SO reluctant to pick up the book herself even when I have to stop reading (for example at bedtime) and she is totally desperate to find out next.

I still think there’s a fair bit of stubbornness going on (her older brother is a bookworm and I think she’s trying quite hard to separate herself from him at the mo, and we’re quite a bookish family in general so maybe she’s just trying to be different!) and also perhaps a little bit of her just not wanting to do the thing that’s still a bit harder than just being read TO.

I’m not going to stop reading to her overall/always but should I give in less frequently when she begs me to read her more at important, exciting moments of the books she loves so she’s eventually forced to pick them up herself? Or will that feed her stubbornness do you think??

I read religiously to mine and read with them until they lost interest and didn’t want it maybe about 7 and 9, neither of them have picked up a book since. They’re 15 and 17 now. I think they like it or they don’t it’s not something you can force and that’s ok. Lots of alternative ways to get info these days. Do they like audiobooks?

Maybe if you did something apart from the Bible they would have been more interested.

Mine is 11
She doesn't really read to be honest.
Yes she'll read the Lottie Brooks books and very occasionally Wimpy Kid/Dork Diaries

I still read to her before bed. She enjoys it so why not

I wouldn't make any sort of persuasive point at bed time. If it's more fun to stop at an exciting moment then do (and I suppose she might pick up the book to find out) but in the long term the warm feelings of a story at bedtime is what is going to be the association between reading and pleasure and that's the most important bit.

I think as adults we forget how exhausting the demands of school are - it's telling she'll do it in the holidays.

OP, ask her to read to you when you get to an exciting bit. You can and should read to her, but let her take a turn - not for long, maybe a paragraph - then you can take over again. Slowly, both her reading and her confidence should improve.

@didntlikeanyofthesuggestions their dad actually did bang on about that for a while, probably what put them off indeed 😂

I don't think bedtime reading should really be for learning and I would keep reading to her as long as she wants you to.

We did parent reading for a chapter or so and then self reading (anything peaceful and any type - comic, non-fiction, too young picture book, whatever she fancies) for 20 mins or till lights out. I think when reading is about comfort and not learning/improving esp at bedtime it becomes easier?

if she is requesting you read to her please don't use it as a bargaining chip!

often it's finding the right reading material- so youngest read Pokémon encyclopedia most nights at 7! My friend's boy read football mags for years.

We noticed a lot of friends tried to push kids on before they were really ready and it kills the comfort/pleasure aspect, think Harry Potter at 6.

Also I think audio books are okay too. Yes being read to, but also getting all the benefits of new words and stories and imagination and different lives and ideas.

there was a stage when DD preferred to doodle/make notes and draw before bed too, so the pressure just to read a "proper book " was off. It needed a bit of management but a pencil and pad is not too much faddling about.

just to say I last read to my DD at about 9/10 and my god I miss it! The joy of sharing a book together was just everything.

i haven't read your other threads, so apologies if this has all been said before.

I would keep reading to her. The joy of the stories and the bonding time of being read to are worth it. I still read to my 1 year old and it means I can introduce books that I like to them too.

I read to my DCs at bedtime until they were 10 or 11 and it was always all about reading for pleasure. I had a rough time limit in mind but I always tried to be flexible according to the story, not least because often I too would want to know what happened next! During the day I would sit down and listen to them read school books but bedtime books were special. Being snuggled up on my bed with them both while I did the voices for A Series of Unfortunate Events or How to Train Your Dragon is one of my happiest memories.

For what it's worth both my DCs were absolutely voracious self-motivated readers from 8 or 9. DD largely stopped reading for pleasure when she went to uni but DS still consumes books at a prodigious rate.

Echoing @summitfever I read to mine every night for a very very long time and they enjoyed it, but reading was never their thing where it is mine. They’re in their 20s now and do pop in and out of reading when they feel like it.

I agree with everyone who says keep the reading for pleasure together at bedtime however it works best for you and have ‘learning’ reading at a different time.

You’re obviously getting it right if her reading has improved and she’s enjoying sharing the stories with you. Mine were very similar but it still felt like I was failing because they didn’t love reading like me. It’s not a failing, it’s just one of those things.