Grandparents problems am I right?

[Secondtimemum123]

Hi,

I'm a mum of 2 under 2's and it's been a stressful couple weeks, and just wanted to see other opinions on here, we went away with the grandparents (every person paid for themselves) recently and we had a couple of disagreements along the way i.e swaddling (they didn't agree as he didn't look comfortable) white noise (they didn't think it was warranted but when it's not on he doesn't sleep at all) baring in mind our 12 week old suffers bad with reflux and is under investigation for a milk allergy, so he's quite a grizzly baby and we do everything in order to try and help ease and calm him, he's also on omeprazole. But anyway we managed to push through the holiday and tried to ignore the comments. However on the last day, they were watching a movie in the living room which is linked into the kitchen (it was a large room) and my boy was getting a bit fidgety and quite restless due to being constipated for a couple days so me and oh decided to put the radio on and try and calm him with music (not using white noise as we knew it annoyed them) so just general calming music, and it seemed to work whilst doing his massages too. Bare in mind other ds was in bed fast asleep as it was evening. Anyway, they bypassed me and asked Alexa to turn down to basically a volume you couldn't hear very well, but we could hear there movie over it so we decided as he was getting restless again to turn it back up, then they asked for it to be turned down again so OH gave up and relented turned it off and said to me let's go upstairs to listen to it in bed and we can try and calm him there. So as we were packing up, grandparent 1 came over to get a drink and acted as though 'we were only going upstairs as I had a mood on me because we couldn't have the music on' so I just basically said no we are going up because he's getting restless and the music was calming him down and you wanted it turned down so that's why. For some unknown reason it kicked off and although nothing more was really said. Grandparent 1 and 2 went to bed. Grandparent 3 and 4 upon realising it was for the baby and to calm him down said that it made sense to keep it on if it was helping. We've been home a few days and I messaged when we got home to see if they had got back and got ignored the next day I had a message but just asked how the boys were and then nothing since. I'm a horizontal person really, dont like confrontation, I've been stressed alot recently as ds 2 cries a lot due to the reflux and ds 1 is still really reliant as he's only 17 Month's and it's really upset me. But oh keeps saying I've done nothing wrong at all just sticking up for our boys. I just need some advice really. It's the longest I've gone without really talking to them.

Really? Why? We had a lovely holiday when ours were 19 months and 10 weeks, we went with friends.
It’s not really relevant to the issue in the OP though. They did go on holiday, they can’t go back and change that.
I don’t think you were unreasonable to go upstairs OP. I can’t imagine my parents making such a fuss about a bit of music that was helping to calm the baby. Surely the baby being calm would benefit everyone in the long run.

Were you putting the white noise on in the room other people were using or were they expressing a view on you using it in a bedroom?

Very different issues with different responses.

The problem isn’t going on holiday with your children, holidays with any ages child isn’t an issue unless you make it one, the problem is going on holiday with your babies with other people.

@Handsomesoapdish no this was only during bedtime, or if we were out on a walk and he wouldn't settle

Whilst they obviously weren’t being particularly diplomatic, having the radio on when the tv is on is super annoying and pretty pointless as baby can hear the tv too! In circumstances you describe I’d go for a walk or go somewhere I can shut a door

I think it is problematic doing inter generation holidays unless your kids are super easy and the GPs tolerant. We have done family holidays but even though we tend to have the view that if the kids are happy that is the main thing it is always hard work for our DD and SIL. The kids are SEN though. I don’t think you were being unreasonable trying to settle baby without waking DS but some older people struggle with background noise. Also my 90 year old mum makes every family event about her so we don’t holiday with her now.

You were VVVU to turn a radio on in the same space as someone watching TV. Weird you didn’t use another room. Weird you can’t see this is unreasonable.

I find the above responses weird OP. Makes me sad how kids are viewed as such a nuisance these days. Onus is on YOU not to annoy anyone else. If it’s a shared living area doesn’t everyone have a right to use it? Babies don’t count cos they’re annoying clearly. Bet when the GPs were raising their families it was all “oh it takes a village bla bla” but now they want silence to watch a film when they’ve chosen to go on holiday with a 12 week old . Whilst you struggle with clearly demanding children and you’re exhausted. Would’ve been nice if they’d tried to help, even offered or shown understanding that you’re doing the best you can and you’re frazzled. Then if the baby got to sleep you could all enjoy adult time together and watched the film with them and had a rest.
They sound very selfish and although I wouldn’t let a falling out happen over something small like this, you know at least know not to rely on them for practical help and definitely don’t do a shared holiday again. Sad, but at least you know now.

Your whole post (and quite a few others) are talking as if the grandparents didn't prioritise the children EVER. But this was a week's holiday and the only complaint that OP has. There's no indication that the children were seen as a nuisance.
So I'm assuming that for the rest of the time the grandparents were adapting their outings/mealtimes/ transport/ everything else, pretty well.

But they paid for their holiday too, and I'm guessing that they were pretty tired at the end if the day. Wanting to relax and watch a film without a radio distracting them seems a pretty reasonable ask.

You can make sure a child's needs are met without the other adults being at the bottom of the heap for the entire time.

Because watching shit on TV is a sacred activity that mustn’t be interrupted?
I wouldn’t give a shit if someone turned the radio on to settle their baby while I was watching TV. The baby being settled benefits everyone in the long run.

Far too young to leave them.
Also use paragraphs.

@MrsKeats don't know if this was aimed at me but they haven't been left, they've been on holiday with me the whole time.

She could have settled him upstairs.

It's not a sacred activity, but in any shared holiday there needs to be give and take. And you seem to think that the grandparents should be disadvantaged for the whole time.

I've taken my family on holiday for the last three years, including my very small grandchildren. Of course a lot of the holiday revolves around the grandchildren and I and my child free DD and her partner are fine with that. But the DD who is the mum, and her DH, are also considerate of everyone else's needs, and they absolutely would not have acted as OP did.

Who has left who, and where?

Good for you.

And you seen to think that the grandparents should be disadvantaged for the whole time

The whole time? Where have I suggested that? I was talking about this incident. I have no idea what happened for the rest of the holiday and therefore no opinion on it.

Sorry, I thought yours was another post by notanotherone22 who was expanding this event into the whole holiday.

Kindly OP it does sound like you are making a drama out of nothing. It would have been better if you had taken the baby upstairs while they were watching tv and put the radio on there, surely you could have had it quiet enough not to wake your other son? The texting is silly, they did text you next day to see how the boys were. The comments about swaddling etc are easy to ignore, it's just their opinion and you don't have to take it as criticism.

No more extended family holidays. Grandparents can be extremely self-centred, particularly if retired. Whole world seems to have to revolve around them just because they’ve got lots of time on their hands, and they’re well, old. Hopefully it’s not an age thing and won’t happen to me.