Struggling with DS14 (theft and lying)

[StartingOverIn2025]

I’m really embarrassed to type this, please be kind. And apologies in advance - this may be long.

im at a bit of a loss. DS (newly diagnosed inattentive ADHD this summer - possibly relevant).

On Friday, Ds was given £50 in cash to go to the phone shop after school to have the battery replaced. He phoned me saying he was just about to go in to the shop then he was going to a friends house after - fine.

He did not. He pocketed the cash, spent it on god knows what and didn’t get the phone repaired. Further more he’s lied to both me and DH saying he got it done, but when asked for the receipt has concocted a story saying he lost the cash on his way to school and was too
scared to tell us. I don’t believe him. Lesson learned on our part not to give him cash.

im furious, hurt and sad, and have hardly been able to look at him today, it’s like I don’t know him at the moment.

he’s barely apologetic at all and sticking to his story.
he’s grounded and has to do chores to earn the money back to have his phone repaired.

Anyone with any similar experience?

I can’t be much use here as have no teen of my own, but based on my experience of my two sibling brothers, this seems very mild..!! Maybe my standards are low but if this is the ‘only’ thing he’s done as a teen is say it’s not bad.. I recall lying, drugs, fights..!!
Agree a punishment with your DH and enforce it together. Explain to your son all that was wrong with lying etc. Find out what money has been spent on. My main worry if I were you would be watching for any signs of drug use / drinking. As I say my bar may be low because I saw some terrible behavior from my siblings - my parents would’ve been overjoyed if it was literally a one off shitty behavior incident. That’s not to say done punish him. But it’s a fine line particularly with boys imo and I think if you have high expectations of them ‘morally’ as teens, it might be a hard few years for you. Best of luck x

Thank you - that’s an interesting perspective. It’s not an isolated incident but generally he’s a nice enough chap, if a bit moody.