Behaviour of 3, nearly 4 yr old.

[mummytrex]

My daughter is three seem to be four years old and recently started at nursery. Prior to this, she was looked after by a childminder for 2/3 days a week with the remainder with my parents. Also, she was an only child until around a months ago.

After the equivalent of a 5 half days I received a call from the nursery referencing daughters's "special needs" and wanting to apply to the local authority for funding.

I was a bit surprised as nothing has ever been mentioned to us before. For example, our childminder has been the same one we've used for three years.

Teacher didn't elaborate on "special needs" until I asked what she was referring to. Having gone in to the school I had a very brief conversation with the teacher who looked quite uncomfortable, the issues seem to be:

1. Reluctant to share - I'm aware this is a problem and I have been working on it;

1. Lack of concentration - so it doesn't always listen to what people are saying to her - again I'm aware of this. If she's an interested or something she thinks is more interesting. She definitely is distracted.

1. That she is "struggling to communicate." The example given was that when a child took a toy of her rather than sitting down and discussing it, she threw herself on the floor and cried. Now whilst I am aware she does education do this to try and get her own way, she's actually very expressive with a good vocabulary. My childminder was shocked by this statement.

1. Telling tales/making up stoies, when a child took a toy of her and she was upset said that the child pushed her.

1. "Struggling from start to finish". Having asked what this means I was told it is "emotional because she is emotional". No explanations were given, but I will say she has been more emotional (cries easily it doesn't get own way ) and needy since I had her sibling earlier in the year.

Now, if my daughter does have issues, I'll be the first person to push for help and do all within my power to help her.

Having spoken with my childminder (who complete is shocked with what I've been told) these issues might be to be down to: (I) the fact that she's not been in a formal nursery setting before; (ii) has never really had to share due to being an only child; (iii) she is settling in to a new environment (it had been 5 half days) and trying to make friends with a group of children.

The teacher kept referencing funding and having to apply before a deadline.

What has left me an uneasy is that I've had to press for what she meant by "special needs", there's been no attempt to call me in to have a meeting to discuss the issues or what we can do to address them for example and strategies to try to see if this is just settling in teething problems. Instead, It was simply can we apply for funding referencing them.? The I'm just coming down now and she said she spilled a milk teacher also just doesn't seem to want to talk about it / specifics. I am going back in tomorrow to try and have a conversation again.

Thanks if you've made it this far but I suppose the burning question is whether the behaviours listed above seem normal for her age?

Apologies for typos using the dictate whilst holding baby.

She sounds like 3 year old settling in to a new setting with a brand new sibling. That is essentially the world being turned upside down for a 3 year old.

Do the nursery know about the changes at home?

If there's really no more to the story then I would be looking to change nursery because I wouldn't trust their judgement anymore.

This sounds quite normal behaviour to me especially with a new sibling.

Surely the SEN process is a lot longer than just saying "she might have special needs"? I would think they'd need an EP to make a diagnosis?

I'd push for what they actually mean for sure!

Thanks.

Apologies for the drip feed, but I suppose like this is relevant. I did declare on the new join forms that she was born at 24 weeks. But I made clear I didn't think, all certainly hadn't been annoyed aware of any developmental issues. If anything I pointed out to them that she has been assessed to the degree because our local hospital is very proactive.

The feedback we had until age 2.5 from the consultants at hospital are that she was reaching her milestones and there is nothing out of the ordinary.

I'm feeling quite uneasy/not entirely trusting of the judgement given how this has been raised and the complete lack of direction. My instinct is to pull her out, I am going back in tomorrow to have an actual discussion. I've had to suggest/press for this which again makes me uneasy because it says to me that if there is a problem, nothing is actually going to be done. I think depending on how tomorrow goes, I'll consider looking at alternatives. Annoying because this nursery is connected to the school we wanted her to go to.

Is the nursery perhaps underfunded and looking for an opportunity to bring in more money?

The funded hours by the government are lower than the actual cost for some nurseries.

However, if there is a problem and they genuinely need the money to support her then I see why they would act fast