DS printed photos but none of Me

[MorganaKate]

DS has just shown my about 50 photos that he's printed to put up in his uni room. Most of them are of him and his boyfriend and friends, all good. There are photos including DD, DH, my Mum and sister, plus some of our pets. But there are none of me!

He did acknowledge this when I was looking through them, saying he couldn't find any of me. Some of the photos are from my Facebook feed though, so he could easily have picked up a nice picture of me and DH from there. I'm quite upset. To be fair there are none of DH's side of the family either, which is a shame too.

I would be upset too although I can’t quite put my finger on why.

I guess what might have happened is that he collected all these pictures. Was happy to show you, and as you where looking through them he suddenly realised there are no pictures of you. Than to safe face he said he couldn't find any of you.

Probably a honest oversight. The fact that he got some of them from your Facebook page means he did think of you. He probably assumed he had picked one with you in it.

Might it also be a case of you being always the one taking pictures? So most of the family pictures that trigger happy memories for him are pictures you took.

When he mentioned he couldn't find any of you I think you should just have asked if he wanted one and offered to find one for him. Unless there is some backstory about the two of you not getting along I would just put it down to teenage absentmindedness and try not to take it personally.

I wouldn’t expect my DD to have photos of me on her wall. Can’t say I’d be getting worked up about it. At that age friends are their life! DD’s uni photo wall is 90% friends, a few of the dog and about 5 family ones have slipped in.

So if your child had photos of their sister, dad, grandma and auntie but not a photo of you, that wouldn't hurt your feelings even a little?

Not really - I don’t have any photos of DM displayed in the house, doesn’t mean I love her any less! As a mum there are far less photos of me as I’m usually behind the camera. This is typical in most families. It’s an obvious oversight OP. As teen DD would say.. it’s not that deep!

I agree that in the OP's case it's probably oversight. But I would still register it. And if having acknowledged the absence of any photo, he didn't change that it would hurt because it would then be a conscious decision.

I think it's really odd that you don't see how being selective in whose photos you display could easily be taken as a slight. Photos are different from art work on the walls or ornaments on the shelf. They're chosen because of the connection to the subject. So choosing to have other family members displayed but not your Mum is strange to me.

Im assuming It's the oversight that's hurtful, it would hurt my feelings if any of my DC did that. Not enough to cry over, but it would sting.

I imagine because I’m the one always taking and uploading them there aren’t any of me.

I would let that one go as it sounds like you have a great relationship with him. He’s noticed it now too and wants you to know that it’s not intentional and he doesn’t want to upset you. Hold onto the great things between you and don’t let this muddy your day or have any negative impact whatsoever on your relationship with him.

I know how you feel! My DD has pics of her father and step mum all around her house. None of me. Yet I’m the one who visits most and drops shifts at work to drive 2 hours to be with her in a crisis. And she’s recently cried in the phone to me that they hardly bother with her and are rude/shout at her down the phone. I’ve not said a word or acknowledged the photos. It’s really shit.

Could it be that you are his safe person, so he takes you a bit for granted? I can imagine my son doing something similar ...but I'm the first person he texts when he needs something or has any worries he wants to talk about!

I know exactly how you feel. My DD has been packing for uni, she has photos printed of her dad, brother, half brother (dad's side), aunties (dad's side), the dog and one of her step sister as well as loads of her friends. None of me at all. When I asked, as I was a bit hurt, she said that she didnt have any of me really, and she was planning to call me regularly so didn't think she would miss me as much.

I don't buy it, I think it was a great answer under pressure because she could see I was a bit upset. 😅

No advice, just empathy. It sucks! I do everything for them, and it's me paying for her to go. Her dad has refused to support as our court order was support until the children are 18!