How to explain to child that we are still together but living apart?

[Muddlethroughmam]

Basically the title!

We have been living together for 2.5 years, But it's not working, We weren't ready to blend our lives. We love each other but we definitely were not ready to live with each other.

We have decided to live separately again, Still a huge amount of love and friendship there, We intend to stay together but I'm unsure how to explain this to 6 year old in a way that helps them to remain secure that the 3 of us are still a unit, We just don't live together.

We made a mistake and involved a child, So I don't need to be flamed for that. We're trying to put it right now to limit amy negativity in my child's life.

@Muddlethroughmam Are you both the bio parents?

No, She's mine.

Is he moved out because he found living with your DD difficult?

It's totally reasonable if so to make that decision - not trying to criticise you for that btw - just think it makes a difference to how she will take it

Presumably the fact you are staying together will be obvious as… he will still be coming round etc?

‘Me and X think it works better when he lives there, and me and you live here. We will still see him x times a week and do x and y as before’

I think him coming into a home with a child and realizing the responsibility involved, How loud, Full on the house is etc has been a huge issue. They get on, But the relationship with them isn't where we'd like it to be. They adore each other but there have been lots of teething problems which have resulted in us arguing.

I think you made the right decision and well done for putting your daughter first.
My now husband hadn't got any children of his own when he moved in with us (two boys - about 7 and 10 at the time), and I know it is always a learning curve, even though it was 50/50 shared care. However, he was a lot older than your partner (41).
My only concern is when do you think he will be ready to move in with you both? Is this going to be a long-term situation do you think? How often are you all together?

Do not live with this man again honestly your .Dd will thank you. Just say he is going back to his own place. Because its nearer to work or "something". Just have him as your boyfriend.

Its been so difficult, I'm not quite sure where things go from here, I would hope the relationship would continue to improve and then we can reassess in the few years. I'm just trying to minimize the impact on DD just now.
Thank you for being so kind.

I think it's the right call for him to move out but I do think given this, you need to walk a tricky line with the communication

Because if you present it as "we're still a unit of 3", she will see through it because she will be aware that he is moving out because being a unit of 3 didn't work.. But of course you also don't want her to blame herself

I think I would make it a bright and breezy "we think it works better when we have separate space" and then focus on what it means for her "you"ll still see X after school on Thursdays and he will be with us most Saturdays" or whatever

Does she see her dad? I think that also makes a difference especially if you intend to mostly use that time to see your DP

I completely see this and it is a concern of mine so thank you for highlighting that.
I certainly don't want her to blame herself in anyway!
She has somewhat regular visits with her dad. They have a good but very relaxed relationship, I'm the full time parent and have complete responsibility for her.

”Gary and mummy are still friends and still want to do fun things together, but I want it to be just us living in our house again. We’ll still get to see Gary lots and he still cares about you, but I’m excited it will be just us two.” Kids don’t understand relationships in adult terms. You don’t need to overthink or over explain. Just focus on the positives for the two of you.

You sound like a lovely mummy - kids are incredibly resilient and your daughter will be fine ❤️