Dreading my baby starting nursery

[ZaHaK]

Please give me some reassurance!
My 10 month will start nursery beginning of October 3 mornings a week and then 3 full days 8-4:30 from November as I have to go back to work.
I am so upset, I wish I could give up work but that would mean giving up my career and no extra income.
I am scared she won’t settle and she’ll miss me as it’s only me, my husband and her brother she really sees.

It’s so hard but honestly it’s so good for them to go and spend time somewhere else, away from you, doing new things and forming bonds with new people. I’ve done this twice over now and both DC have come on so much after starting nursery. Even if she takes some time to settle, she will get there eventually and it will be worth it - she would have to go through the adjustment of not spending every day with family at some point even if you delayed it until school! I miss my DC on their nursery days but I also enjoy doing my job instead of just being ‘mummy’ for a bit, and then hearing all about their day afterwards. I found that the reality of it was nowhere near as bad as I built it up to be in my head and I actually enjoy the break.

How was your DC with nursery bugs?
I am worried about that the most. I have lots of annual leave built up but I am the only one who can do this job so not sure how flexible I can be. We don't have any outside support.

There will be lots of time off with bugs and illnesses.

My youngest has just started so I totally feel this. It is tough and she still cries at drop off but they send pictures of her doing nice activities so I feel better then! It’s only been a few weeks but no bugs so far (touch wood) and I’m hoping maybe she’ll have better immunity thanks to her older brother bringing them home before!

How long did she take to settle and how often does she go in?

Once my baby started going to nursery, it was one bug after another. Seriously damaged my return from mat leave and my career in the short term. October will be a bad time of year for that to start as well. Dh and I did alternate taking time off but it was a nightmare.

So be prepared.

If I were to do it again, I'd settle into nursery for 3-4 months before going to work, if I could.

Other than that, he settled beautifully and his development sky rocketed.

Tried to pick him up early a few times and he really didn't want to leave!

She starting 5 weeks before i return to work. 3-4 months beforehand - she would have been 7-8 months old and wouldn't have wanted her to go to nursery that young nor not spend that precious time with her. She does have a older sibling who is 6 so i am hoping that her immune system is abit more robust - wishful thinking.

She does 3 full days. She’s just finished her second full week (before that she had settle sessions) and other than a wobble yesterday because she didn’t nap properly, I’d say the second week has been much better.

Thank you! My DD will be doing 3 full days too so that’s good to hear. I just can’t imagine her being in a nursery setting and being happy.

It is hard but they do settle and don't forget they spend a good chunk of the day napping at that stage.

Think of it this way - you're going back to build your career which will benefit you and her in the future. And she's only going 3 days a week which means the majority of the week you're with her.

I did this as well by the way - I only went back 3 days a week for that reason, so I could have 4 days off with my DC. Went up to 4 days when they went to school. No regrets at all. I realise I was lucky to be able to do that but I have twins and couldn't afford more nursery days and besides wanted to have the time with them.

Once they start walking and climbing, nursery is brilliant for them. I don't have the space for soft play toys, tunnels, toddler triangles - but nursery has ALL of that.

If you are worried about bugs, make sure the nursery is aware of the need for airborne mitigations, not just surface cleaning. Many illnesses are transmitted when you breathe in infectious particles from a sick person who has exhaled them. So this means ventilation is important to dilute infectious particles (flush them out via windows) and HEPA air purifiers also trap infectious particles.
www.cleanairkids.co.uk is a useful resource that you can share with nursery admins - they also benefit from less sick leave amongst staff.

Oops to late to edit, should be www.cleanairforkids.co.uk

I was worried too but honestly my DC have loved nursery right from the outset. I’ve had a total change in opinion too, I can see how it really benefits them being around other people / children, more exposure to different environments and activities, I think it’s been so good for their development. Personally I was happy to go back to work part time as I felt more like ‘me’ again, my identity wasn’t just mother.

The nursery bugs are the worst part, but we’ve managed to avoiding catching most of what DC get. And I’m immunocompromised! You get into the habit of being extra vigilant with hand hygiene and cleaning.

Every parent worries. I sent my son to nursery a month before I went back to work so he was 11 months.
I needn’t have worried. Nursery workers have magic powers.
some kids take longer to settle but it’s also great for them- they get to do so many more activities than they would at home.

We have definitely had our share of nursery bugs unfortunately. I’m lucky that I’m able to work from home, and I also get a few days of paid dependents leave per year which I’ll use if the DC are too unwell to go in and I’m not able to get any work done. Does your work have any kind of policy like that?

I was in the same boat a couple of years ago. Similar age DC, and same time of year, she settled fine after a couple of weeks, it’s hard at first but she is thriving now. Kids are incredibly adaptive and she will adjust to the change.

on illness, lots of time off isn’t a given, in the last couple of years I have taken a handful of days off at most, and that was because of D&V type illnesses and chickenpox. There will be sniffles and the odd cold, they power through a lot of the time.

Nursery is so amazing for children. I think it’s great for the parents that can stay home but my children thrived at their nursery. It will be great for you to continue your career and your baby have time at nursery!
I know it seems daunting but your baby will be fine. Just make sure the nursery update you and communicate properly 🥰

They way to think of it is that you will still have her longer than she is in nursery. Mine went for 3 days a week and yes there are a lot of bugs (but this sets their immune system up for school) but she will have a wonderful time. Wishing you all the best.

My DD starts in a couple of weeks and will be 9 months so I understand your worries! I'm concerned she won't settle but they always seem to and I am not looking forward to the illnesses! I have a DS5 and the illnesses were hard but it had been/was covid so I dont think he'd been exposed to anything where as DD already has had lots of colds so having an older sibling must have its advantages for both of us!

My DC loved nursery. DS made friends that went all the way through school and into college with him! They both went 3 days a week too, which is ideal ! You are at home with your dc more than half the week, but also at work more than half the working week.

I would focus on prepping her a little bit now, take her to some busy, noisy playgroups. Leave her with other people and practice saying goodbye and coming back.

Make sure she has some comfort items from home that she can take with her, a dummy is great and if she doesn't have a comfort toy or muslin now introduce one.

Think about how she is going to get to sleep there too! If you breastfeed her to sleep and contact nap then the settling in process is going to be much more of a shock for her than if she is used to sleeping in a cot. Give the nursery staff some ways to comfort her and get her to sleep.

How were you when your son started? Did you feel similarly but you all adjusted and got used to the same routine? If so it’s likely to be the same this time.

Being a bit devil’s advocate but if you’re concerned she won’t be happy in a nursery setting and particularly worried about bugs, then does it have to be a nursery? My DD went to a childminder and I was so much happier with that, it just felt right for her ti be in a home setting with one very lovely adult who she formed a close bond with. They get mixed reviews on here but honestly our childminder was amazing, if you can find the right one I think they are a great option for babies/ younger children.

I think she came home once because she’d been sick, was fine by the time I got her home. There were no other bugs despite childminder obviously having other children in the setting and taking them to various playgroups etc. So it’s not a given they’ll get ill a lot although I appreciate we were very lucky and it’s more common for them to pick stuff up. Another advantage of the childminder was that she was pretty sensible at not trying to send her home at the drop of a hat.

There’s advantages to nursery too obviously, and presumably you like the one you picked - have faith in your judgement and in their ability to do their job. I was convinced my DD would NEVER nap anywhere but on me, with a lot of work to get her there, and we never actually did manage that at home. But the childminder had her sleeping in a cot by the first nap time, and friends whose children went to nursery said the same about how they have some kind of extra powers that we parents don’t seem to posses!

You’ll still have more time at home with her than you’re away, and you will get to have a hot cup of tea in peace and go to the toilet unaccompanied and all that stuff (depending on the job I guess!). Her non nursery days will be really special - I kept Fridays off with DD right the way into Reception (until it was clear she’d rather be in school with her friends) and our ‘mummy days’ are still a special memory and I miss them.

My DD is almost 1yo, started nursery 5 weeks ago and I’ve just done my 4th week back at work. She also only really spent time with me and her dad as we live far away from family but she settled in beautifully!

We still have tears at drop off and pick up (these surprised me the most, but I’ve read it’s relief/overwhelm when they see you again) but she calms down quickly. She’s so happy there and LOVES the staff. She does happy wiggles in her buggy when we walk up to the gate, and today DH got there too early for drop off so was going to do a lap around the block but she started crying because she thought she was going in bless her.

It’s been wonderful for her development. She started walking really quickly after joining and she comes home doing silly faces or making new noises/babbling in a different way and I can tell she’s picked it up from the other kids. It’s been fun watching her personality come out even more and see where she fits in with the little group.

She did get poorly quickly, literally 4 days in, and had 1 day off plus the weekend to recover. We’ve all had coughs and sniffles basically constantly since, but nothing bad enough to keep her home or stop us working. I know we’re getting into RSV season though but hopefully got a head start! Very wishful thinking I know.

Hi OP, I have two kids and for some reason I was more upset putting my second child into nursery at 1 years old, so I waiting until she was 2. My reason was that she was a lockdown baby, born in August 2021.
Both my kids enjoyed nursery and it was the best decision we ever made. You’ll be surprised how quickly they integrate with the nursery and the kids.
You will also get some time to yourself.
Go for it, it will be good for you both. If it doesn’t work out then at least you tried.