..... And The Bad Parenting Award goes to QS for calling her son a stupid idiot. [sad]

[QuintessentialShadows]

Yes. I did. And I feel awful.

We have problems at the moment. He seems to not listen. I repeat myself to boredom and get frazzled and frustrated.

Please get your tights on. Please, could you go get your tights on. DS1 Tights, NOW!
Why have you not put your tights on, we have to get going. TIGHTS NOW!! TIGHTS!

followed by:

Why are you not listening? Why are you not doing as you are told?

THis is at every turn.
But worst is when he is hurting his brother.

Please stop doing that to your brother. Stop! STOP NOW! GET OFF HIM!

Why are you hurting him? He is crying! Why are you not stopping when I am telling you to?

So, today, he grabbed a star wars light sabre, ds2 (who is 3 on thursday btw) grabbed one too. Sitting on the floor he tried to stand up, and DS1 whacked his sabre with his. Ds2 fell over. He tries to stand up again, leans on the sabre, ds1 whacks the sabre, and DS2 falls over. I say. Can you please stop that. He continues. DS2 is getting upset. and I say, "STOP IT" He continues. And before I managed to stop it, DS2 falls over when ds1 whacks, and hurts the small of his neck on the edge of the toybox.

So I called him a stupid idiot for never stopping when he is told to stop, constantly hurting his brother, and for not doing as he is told, and I sent him to bed. And I yelled some more about him having to show responsibility, being a big boy and all.

It is just all the time, he is grabbing toys of DS2, he is running away in car parks, he is causing mayhem in playgroup, I am wondering if there is something wrong with his comprehension. He just seem so, so totally unable to THINK. I just dont know what to do. It wasnt like this before. Only the last 2 weeks.

I am a crap mother.

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You are NOT a crap mother. You are ME
How old are ds's?
Mine are 3 and nearly 2 and i am forever losing it with ds1 and calling him stupid or bad and then feeling like shit for it later.
In the past 6 months he has started doing everything you just descibed its like he has just decided to be the naughtiest boy on earth and ignore you and hurt his brother.
Its tough but when i do lose it at him i at least feel thankfull that come the next day he doest remember it but then it all starts again!

No, no, you are not. This all sounds completely familiar. Apparently the trick is to ignore the bad behaviour apart from danger/physical violence. in those cases remove him physically and still ignore if situation not too serious.

Easier said than done though ime! Hang on in there, you seem like a great mother.

They are 6 and 3 (nearly) He should know better at 6 I think.

Yes, we have moved, 2 months ago. He loves his new school (althoug the teachers have been on strike for 2 weeks, will possibly strike till the start of summer holidays.) and likes it here. It is just so tiresome. Now he demands to be played with all the time, and I should not have to sit and play with a child his age. I dont know what is wrong with him.

It does sound a little bit like insecurity. He seems to be needing your attention whether it's good or bad at the moment.

Have you tried giving him loads of positive attention but when you decide, not him?

I do remember lots of times like this.

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Teachers on strike for two weeks.

His behaviour like this for two weeks.

You are in a rut with him, it sounds like.

Can you make time with just him where you concentrate totally on him?

If you think of him as a nuisance, he'll be more likely to be one.

And I speak from experience, and am not sitting in judgement, I promise you.

Thanks guys. And I am probably just making it worse with all that yelling. The thing is, as I dont have any childcare till late August, and I still have my job, I have to juggle work and kids, and tend to sit down and check my emails in the morning while he should be getting dressed. But I dont think I should have to supervise a 6 year old getting dressed, we are in the same room after all.

I do give him lots of praise and positive attention too. It just seems he needs it all the time. And I cant give him that, not all the time.

Hunker, I wish I could make time for just him. But I have ds2 also. WHen the strike started I was looking forward to more time with DS1, but alas...

Have you thought about sticker charts to reward DS1 & 2 for good behaviour? My DS1 is 6 and is a real sucker for star charts. We have also done one for mummy where she gets smiley faces for not shouting ... Also, went on a parenting course where they suggested "special time" with each child, need only be 10mins a day where the child gets to decide what you will do together ie: a puzzle, play dough, game etc. It's not much time and it really does work. Good luck

Tights?

My DS has just turned 7. We're having the same crap here (and we haven't even got the excuse that we just moved house!).

It'll be another sodding phase QS.

Tights. Yes. North of Norway. Across the artic circle. Cold here!

Ahhhh - all becomes clear!

Oh QS we have just the same and I too feel that I am losing the plot at the moment We went camping this weekend. The paths were made of stoney type things.
" Don't throw stones DS especially near to the cars"
"Put down the stone, we've talked about why we don't throw them"
"Have you forgotten about picking up stones"
"PUT DOWN THE STONE AND DON'T THROW!"

Every time we went to the loo or to wash up it was the same. I was almost sobbing to DH at one point, the same as you, wondering if he really doesn't understand or retain what he is told

You are not a crap mother by the way

QS
Then tonight we will have to share the bad parenting award. I shouted at DD tonight because she would not stop shoving her brother while I was trying to cut his toenails. I almost cut his little toe off and she kept doing it even though she had been told to stop.

It is so frustrating, I told her that she is too old to be doing stupid stuff like that, she is 6yo too.

She is also a champion ditterer, I have to tell her loads of times to get her shoes on.

What works? Positive attention, but there is only so much of that you can give.

Not repeating myself more than 3 times. And not doing something else and shouting over my shoulder at her to get her shoes on. Sometimes, as annoying as it is, it is easier and quicker to give her a quick hand to get dressed and it saves my nerves.

With DS I can always get him to get a move on if I say, "Hmm, I wonder if I could finish cleaning up the kitchen before DS is dressed, I think that I could". Or "I think I am going to be ready to go out first"

Don't beat yourself up about it, he is not the only one having to adjust to a new home, you all are. No wonder that tempers are frayed on occasion.