The Tyrant Two’s!

[Chunkychips23]

My 22 month old is entering a fun phase of development. The tantrums I can cope with, the refusals to fall asleep, fine. But his eating is now at the mercy of his control issues 😅

He’s never been the best eater, but lately it’s all gone bonkers and I’m feeling a little stuck. He will NOT try new foods at all. I do the whole plating it up with familiar foods, but he will either launch it or scream at it. He’s now refusing all main meals, just want’s scrambled eggs and cheese sandwiches (he’ll eat bananas and raisins, the occasional apple. He eats more fruit than he realises, as I either stew some or mash them and mix it into porridge)

With meals, he’ll take a mouthful and just sit with it in his mouth, not swallowing or spitting it out. He held his food in his mouth for 20mins last night. I ended up having to scoop it out. He’s doing this with his favourites too. I’ve tried serving it on different plates, straight on the high chair tray, with and without cutlery. I’ve tried distractions from books or toys and TV. I’ve tried home cooked food and toddler meals, even chicken nuggets. I’ve tried main meals at lunch rather than dinner. Different textures and temperatures too, but we’ve been stuck in this loop for a week now.

Did anyone else’s toddler go through this and did you find anything that worked? Or is this one of those things I’ve just got to ride it out?

No advice but a massive handhold and a wish thay actual hunger will override the issues.

I’ce not been through them holding goid in their mouth no and I have one with a diagnosis of ARFID.

It does sound a bit extreme.

Does he go to any kind of childcare and does he eat there? Even if it’s just a biscuit at playgroup?

What does he eat in a typical day?

And how much milk is he having in 24 hours and which type?

Cripes. If he screamed at me and launched his plate I’d pick him up and say “we don’t throw food”, pop him out of the kitchen (baby gate on the kitchen door), silently clean it up, then carry on with my dinner at the table by myself.

He rarely eats at playgroups, far too busy. He’ll occasionally join others at the table to have a snack if he’s ravenous.

He doesn’t drink milk anymore. Refuses that too, but does eat yoghurt, cheese & milk in his porridge.

A typical day for example would look like: porridge for breakfast with a little bit of peanut butter snuck in for extra nutrition and mashed or stewed whole fruit. Lunch is toddler tapas - cheese sandwich with Philadelphia, or scrambled eggs with chicken sausages with two servings of fruit and a yoghurt. Snacks can be things like a biscuit, raisins, 1/4 bag of toddler crisps etc. Dinners were mainly things like mac & cheese with veg to curries or noodle dishes, but he was quite particular on texture. Weirdly heavy on flavours for a toddler, didn’t like bland dinners.

We’re not fussy at all with food so he’s had lots of exposure to different foods, he’s been to many a restaurant or cafe with us and friends/family meals. He’s always been well behaved at mealtimes, so the plate throwing is new. He’s still pretty happy to sit at the table with us either in his high chair or booster seat.

I’ve asked the HV for advice and they’ve said it’s just a phase and other kids are fussier. But it just seems to get progressively worse.

If he’s not having any milk has he ever had reflux? It’s just that sometimes CMPA can be misdiagnosed as reflux and then the exposure to the dairy can make them Uber fussy.

Liking strong flavours is interesting too. Could there be an element of sensory seeking?

How does he score on the 24 month Social and Emotional Ages & Stages?

How much is he actually eating? I consulted a nutritionist and she did a quick tot up of calories and macro nutrients and amazingly he was getting enough.

That said, he has ARFID and what I wish I’d done differently was held my nerve and just stuck to good wholesome food and not let the nuggets, sugars and white foods creep in because I was worried about him eating something…anything.

We were in a pattern where he’d eat brown bread with cheese for me, but then mil gave him brown bread and jam and he’d refuse cheese from me after that, in all contexts. Then he discovered white bread and brown bread went out the window.

But it’s easy say that. I’d have had to be a bit of a food nazi and probably created other problems. The advice we followed was to expose him to lots of foods, and like you everything was going really well until it just fell apart.

Because he was eating a good range of food, when I first started looking for advice, he didn’t fall into the category for support, even though we were rapidly losing foods. And I just kept being told they all go through a fussy phase.

My dd was completely different - a bit fussy, yes, but not in this league.

He never had relflux, was breastfed and self weaned. I did have to wean him onto goats milk initially as cows milk caused diarrhoea initially.

We’ve not got to that HV appointment yet, but no concerns around social interaction etc. He’s generally a happy, affectionate, sociable kid who loves being around and engaging with people. Just had a glance at that survey, all good with most things there - does fight bedtime though, but sleeps through the night. He’s forming sentences quite readily and learning new words daily. Particularly enjoying the “no, don’t want [food], mama” at the moment 🫠

I do think he has an element of sensory seeking. He loves anything like slides, being swung around, climbing and new adventures - not sure if that’s just toddler boy though? My husband is the human version of a golden retriever, so he seems to be taking very much after him. He was apparently really fussy as a kid, only eating jam sandwiches and cereal.

Thank you for sharing this. My husband’s nephew definitely falls into the ARFID category (he’s now 10 and no improvement) and the same with my husbands teenage son, but he has started to expand his range a bit.

I might just be being naive expecting my child to eat like I did or being overly anxious because I’m not used to fussy eaters. Or it may be something to be concerned about. It just seems like he’s becoming more and more restrictive as days are going by.