Anyone else trying to sort childcare/help without a partner to lean on?

MumWithTooManyTabs · 2025-09-11T13:14:10+00:00

Now that schools have started, I’ve been feeling lately how wobbly it all is when everything falls on one person (me 🙋♀️). A couple of mum friends and I have talked about swapping the odd pickup/sending reminders about school stuff but honestly it’s very ad hoc and 200% WhatsApp chaos. I'm curious, has anyone managed to set up a more regular rhythm with other parents? Whether it's for school runs, babysitting, or just sharing the mental load - what's worked (or not worked) for you? Did you use a shared calendar, a small WhatsApp group, or something else? What made it easier to keep going... or what caused it to fall apart? Not looking to start some big thing 😂 just trying to learn from others how to get through the term and coordinate help without completely losing it.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Firstsuggestions · 12/09/2025 10:59

It's tricky one. I think it's difficult enough sharing that within a couple, we've got by with clearly defined responsibilities so I know, I don't even have to think about that DH has it. But because we are living together and chatting all the time we can pass things back and forth naturally. So when he was really ill, I was able to pick up the slack. When sharing mental load outside the family you may not know that Sally has been unwell, up to her ears in work and liable to slip.

Also, another family will always prioritise themselves. So if you have it that the Smiths pick up your son Tuesday and Wednesday but they get sick and their child isn't going, that arrangement will fall through last minute with no recourse. In an immediate family you would pull together to look at least worst solution.

I know that sounds very negative and I think you're on to a great idea but it can be fraught with problems. We walk a little neighbour girl sometimes but its done informally because I know if my one was sick I'd be staying home with them and potentially leaving neighbour in the lurch.

Do you have other families who are keen to do this with you? If so Id arrange a chat to go through, cards on the table, what are people looking for, what can people commit to and what happens in certain situations.

Original poster

MumWithTooManyTabs · 14/09/2025 07:24

Firstsuggestions · 12/09/2025 10:59

It's tricky one. I think it's difficult enough sharing that within a couple, we've got by with clearly defined responsibilities so I know, I don't even have to think about that DH has it. But because we are living together and chatting all the time we can pass things back and forth naturally. So when he was really ill, I was able to pick up the slack. When sharing mental load outside the family you may not know that Sally has been unwell, up to her ears in work and liable to slip.

Also, another family will always prioritise themselves. So if you have it that the Smiths pick up your son Tuesday and Wednesday but they get sick and their child isn't going, that arrangement will fall through last minute with no recourse. In an immediate family you would pull together to look at least worst solution.

I know that sounds very negative and I think you're on to a great idea but it can be fraught with problems. We walk a little neighbour girl sometimes but its done informally because I know if my one was sick I'd be staying home with them and potentially leaving neighbour in the lurch.

Do you have other families who are keen to do this with you? If so Id arrange a chat to go through, cards on the table, what are people looking for, what can people commit to and what happens in certain situations.

Really good points and not negative at all. I think it’s best to look at every angle logistically. These will all be informal but just knowing that we have 2-3 people who are/can be available in times of need.

o have no family nearby hence the idea to start this up.

OP posts:

Namechange822 · 14/09/2025 08:46

I do a couple of these sort of arrangements.

For example, I take two other kids to cubs each week in addition to my two. One of the other parents picks up all four and brings them home.

If someone is ill, the parent of the other child (the one who doesn’t usually drive) picks up the slack.

These sort of arrangements work really well for me in terms of reducing workload. But, I wouldn’t like to rely on them for work I don’t think - I prefer to use paid childcare for that.