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Feeling sad and regretful 5 months pp

16 replies

WildFlowers246 · 10/09/2025 17:07

I'm really struggling atm.
We're incredibly sleel deprived, which I think is playing a major part for me here. But I'm 5 months post partum to a beautiful baby and I miss my old life so much. I miss time with my dh, we had such a wonderful life before the baby. We wanted to bring a baby into our family very very much and felt so happy when it happened.

But after a long and hard sleep regression, and sleep once again going downhill, we're really feeling down. We hardly get to spend time together. The baby is still in our room and we dont see any point moving them into the nursery until they're sleeping better. We dont get evenings together atm. When the nights are hard, I wake up feeling so sad. I cry when I think of how easy our life was before and how we dont get to enjoy things we loved right now. I don't want to wish away my little ones baby hood, but sometimes I cant wait for when they're older and go to school, just so I can get time for us as a couple back more and some time to myself. How awful is that. I have my mum come and help sometimes in the week, she's a good support.

When the baby was sleeping better, I didnt feel too bad really. I could cope much better and felt happier. But the bad nights are hitting me hard. 😔

I dont know what I'm asking really. But I just wanted to tell someone and maybe hope for some positive stories from others who felt similar. I love my baby, he's wonderful. But at the same time I'm still very much grieving for my past. Please tell me this will pass soon. I just want to be the best mummy he deserves.

OP posts:
WooWooWinnie · 10/09/2025 17:10

I think that’s pretty normal for a lot of people. By 5 months old you’ve been in the trenches for a long time! I didn’t enjoy the baby bit really but it does get better. My LO is 2 now, I have evenings free and can outsource to grandparents for the occasional night/weekend.

Sunnyscribe · 10/09/2025 17:24

Completely normal.

Took me at least a year to accept my new life, and even better after 2 years. It will get better, they give more back as they get older. You won't be sleep deprived forever, you will get your evenings back so you have some time with your partner/for yourself.

It is so so hard, but you will get through it. Babies change so quickly, even in a few months things will be different. Sorry you are feeling bad.

DemonsandMosquitoes · 10/09/2025 17:32

I lasted four and five months each time and went back to work. A sense of routine and normality returned. Felt 1000% better. It didn’t really get better until they were about 3 and I wasn’t prepared to count the months away. Over 20 years on, never a single regret.

Sexlessandconfused · 10/09/2025 17:32

Completely normal OP.

Sleep deprivation really is torture and can make you mentally unwell.

I remember crying inconsolably and regretting the whole thing, not the baby herself but the decision to change my life for what I felt was 'the worst'.

I was also the first in my friendship group to have a baby so that was a double whammy. Their lives continued all fun and carefree whilst I was sleep deprived, hormonal, fat and stuck to a crying baby 24/7.

My days! It was horrific in some ways.

My baby is now 3 and I have another who is 1. My pre baby days are kind of a distant memory now despite it being only 3 years. The same way school, university, previous jobs are. So i dont miss it like I did because I've been in this way of life for so long. You can still clearly remember the life before.

Now the trick to get through it that worked for me is:

You are in this now. You can't undo it. There is no going back. You can cry, you can regret, you can be bitter and miserable. But you'll still be in this situation. So therefore throw yourself fully into it 100%. Lean in to it, not back. This is it from now on. Don't hold onto any scrap or your old life. It's gone. Look back on it with rose tinted glasses or forget about it completely. But that chapter is forever closed.

Once you except that the pining and longing stops.
So now you throw yourself into this. Make the most out of what you have as it's all you have. Baby groups, walks, weaning, playing etc. Join everything and anything. Go for lunches with other mums, pilates with babies, swimming, cook weaning recipes etc.
Plan your evenings for the worst. Tell yourself your baby will be up every 2/3 hours. Give yourself no hope for anything else and plan for that.
Step fully into it, don't put 1 foot in and 1 foot out (hanging on to the old life).

As time goes on and you've fully got both feet in. You'll soon be in your 'new life'. The previous life will feel like a previous chapter of many. Then suddenly little bits of freedom come back. A full nights sleep. A full evening on the sofa watching a movie whilst baby is in bed. Then the odd night out etc. You slowly go from being 100% 'on' to 90% then 80% then 70% etc.

But you'll get there faster if you lean into it faster.

Changing my mentality was the only way I got through. Then when I was fully into it, I got pregnant again and the second slotted in before I was 'fully in it'.

You will be fine, I promise you this. It just takes time x

Mary678Babe · 10/09/2025 17:33

My baby is almost 2 and I still feel like that sometimes. I miss my old life, body, health, sleep, my relationship, everything. It does get better as they start sleeping better. But your old life is gone.

SpiralSpiritSocks · 10/09/2025 17:36

It’s absolutely normal.

I have teenagers. They have brought joy to our lives. I think they are awesome people and they make me happy and proud every day.

But I remember being you very clearly.

I remember thinking with wonder of the days when I could get up and leave the house without a military operation.

I remember missing a fully night’s sleep desperately.

I remember grieving my old life terribly. Not regretting my children at all, but just understanding that while I had gained I had also lost.

5-6 months is a classic time for what you are feeling. Not to worry, it goes away.

The early days are hard, but it gets easier.

Not yet but soon.

If you are having a hard day my best advice is go out for a walk somewhere, the fresh air is good for you and also strangers will tell you how beautiful your baby is.

Sending unMumsnetty hugs.

FroddyLoop · 10/09/2025 18:10

Totally normal in my experience. My eldest is 1 and youngest is 6 weeks. The 1 year old sometimes sleeps through and it was amazing before we added another to the mix 😂 I am waiting for it to get better. Nothing wrong with hoping for the future, you’re not wishing time away but it is hard.

JaneEyre40 · 10/09/2025 18:11

WildFlowers246 · 10/09/2025 17:07

I'm really struggling atm.
We're incredibly sleel deprived, which I think is playing a major part for me here. But I'm 5 months post partum to a beautiful baby and I miss my old life so much. I miss time with my dh, we had such a wonderful life before the baby. We wanted to bring a baby into our family very very much and felt so happy when it happened.

But after a long and hard sleep regression, and sleep once again going downhill, we're really feeling down. We hardly get to spend time together. The baby is still in our room and we dont see any point moving them into the nursery until they're sleeping better. We dont get evenings together atm. When the nights are hard, I wake up feeling so sad. I cry when I think of how easy our life was before and how we dont get to enjoy things we loved right now. I don't want to wish away my little ones baby hood, but sometimes I cant wait for when they're older and go to school, just so I can get time for us as a couple back more and some time to myself. How awful is that. I have my mum come and help sometimes in the week, she's a good support.

When the baby was sleeping better, I didnt feel too bad really. I could cope much better and felt happier. But the bad nights are hitting me hard. 😔

I dont know what I'm asking really. But I just wanted to tell someone and maybe hope for some positive stories from others who felt similar. I love my baby, he's wonderful. But at the same time I'm still very much grieving for my past. Please tell me this will pass soon. I just want to be the best mummy he deserves.

Tell us your sleep schedule, do you split nights with your partner?

Squishydishy · 10/09/2025 18:22

I was like this for the first year as my dc1 was a challenging baby and it was lockdown.

ive gone on to have 3 dc now!! I just got used to my new life and missed my old life less and less. It was gradual

making mum friends was the main thing that kept me going

WildFlowers246 · 10/09/2025 18:38

@Sexlessandconfused "I remember crying inconsolably and regretting the whole thing, not the baby herself but the decision to change my life for what I felt was 'the worst'."

You've written exactly how I feel.
Thank you for your advice, I do usually try so hard to lean into it, but today has been testing for me. I'm going to think about what you've said, thank you.

OP posts:
WildFlowers246 · 10/09/2025 18:39

I can't tag you all, but thank you so far. So relieved to hear I'm not going mad and it's normal. Thank you for the optimism too, it's really what I need right now. X

OP posts:
WildFlowers246 · 10/09/2025 18:43

JaneEyre40 · 10/09/2025 18:11

Tell us your sleep schedule, do you split nights with your partner?

I BF, so cant really split nights. But I feed baby when he wakes and needs it overnight and my dh then takes him and holds him for a bit to make sure he's settled before putting him down. We try to make it all a team effort.

Baby has a morning nap of around 1h 30m, second nap is similar, then the third is a small nap. Around 3h 45m a day. In the night he has recently been waking up after a stretch of maybe 3/4 hours, feeding, another good stretch, then a feed and a smaller stretch until morning. Last night was awful though and he kept waking every few minutes at the start of the night for about 4 hours. I think he may be teething. But not sure. Hoping its better tonight.

OP posts:
ACatNamedRobin · 10/09/2025 18:44

Try sleep training, people do it from 6 months on.

Venturini · 10/09/2025 18:47

So very normal OP, please don't feel guilty, you are in survival mode right now. You will get through it and look back and be amazed that you did, which is no consolation right now I know. I had two non sleepers until they were about 11 months and thought I was going to completely lose my mind and had destroyed our lives forever, was overwhelmed with feelings of regret and guilt and rage from the sleep deprivation. Not to mention depressed. Sugar and caffeine and lots of walking powered me through it. You can do this!

TenaciousDeeds · 10/09/2025 18:55

This will pass SO soon. I was you back in 2004 and it lasted for about three months.

Hang in there and do best for your baby. You’ll think back on this one day as just a little blip.

biscuitsandabreak · 10/09/2025 19:41

while I had gained I had also lost.

I think this is well articulated. It’s easy to look back at photos of my children as babies and melt but honestly, it was gruelling. They are nearly five and two, and it still is gruelling in some ways but nothing like it was.

My opinion is they get a lot nicer as they get older! I’ve loved being with DS from three and a half onwards. DD was actually delightful until she turned two; her sleep was an issue though.

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