My son teases my daughter's bestfriend but neither the bestfriend nor my daughter seems to mind

[bluefoxypanda]

My fellow moms, I am being faced with a puzzling situation.

I have a 10 year old son and a 13 year old daughter. My daughter has a 12 year old bestfriend. During the summer break, I have noticed my son teasing my daughter's bestfriend. The topics seems especially hurtful as he teases her about her acne, nose, body odor, ect. But the bestfriend laughs in response to the teasing. One time I had stepped in and told my son it's really mean but the bestfriend defended him, saying they're just having fun. One time I talked to the bestfriend one-on-one and she says she doesn't mind.

When I talked to my daughter one-on-one about the situation, she told me that they like each other. My daughter said she teases her bestfriend about liking her little brother. All 3 kids seem okay with the situation but I'm wondering if this is a healthy dynamic. When I was a little girl, I have been teased by boys who like me but I wasn't teased about such sensitive topics. Am I just being a busy body mom or am I right to be a little concerned ?

I thought we were well past telling girls that someone who is mean to them likes them! We all know now that this is not a healthy narrative. I can’t believe you are allowing him to do this.

The reason why this is even a question is because of how the bestfriend is reacting to it.

Tbh regardless of what the girls said if this was one of my sons there would have been a strong chat in private. They weren't brought up to talk like this so luckily not seen this

This.

Its very strange and uncouth to just repeatedly comment on someone's appearance. Or indeed make any comments on anyone's appearance unless absolutely necessary. Nothing to do with the friendship dynamics or if best friend thinks its a joke.

Its like a five year old repeatedly shouting "poo", its not actually funny and should be corrected even if the kids around them think its amusing or entertaining.

It’s very unlikely that she genuinely doesn’t mind. She probably wants to come across as nonchalant. Tell him to stop before he takes it too far. It’s not about this particular girl but about the way he should conduct himself in general.

Aside from that, there is truth in boys behaving badly towards girls they like. Young girls often do the same to boys. At 12/13 it’s just social ineptitude. Attraction is a new feeling that they don’t know how to manage.

I’d worry that she’s confusing any attention with good attention and that’s a very dangerous and damaging lesson to be learning so young. She isn’t old enough to know it’s important to have standards in how people treat you. Some humour and an ability to laugh at yourself is healthy and a good thing to learn but accepting someone insulting you on the premise it’s because you like interacting with them is not. She might think if he doesn’t do it anymore then he won’t talk to her as much.

i agree with other posters, it’s not about her reaction. It’s about you stepping in and correcting your son’s behaviour as a parent whether the two involved want you to or not because as the adult in the situation you can see it’s not appropriate.

That’s awful of your son! At 10 he knows that’s unkind. Would he like to be insulted like this? I bet he wouldn’t!