Is it cruel or am I overthinking?

[Aintitfunlivingintherealworld]

To send children to school who absolutely don’t enjoy it and beg not to go everyday.
Or is it just life and they need to suck it up and get on with it.
As an adult I wouldn’t be in a job I didn’t enjoy, it would be awful so why do we send our children to school when they express a real dislike? other then home education there feels there is little to no choice for children.
would love to know people’s thoughts on this - I feel really torn.

I’m sorry to hear about this, it sounds heartbreaking.

How old is the child and how long has this been going on for? Is there anything we can do to help in the here and now?

I can relate to this, are they in primary?

I dont have a school aged child yet, mine are still in pre school. They don’t mind going but would definitely rather not given the choice.
Just thinking back to when I was a child and I know there are so many children who this is the case for.

I’d be asking and trying to get to the bottom of WHY the child dislikes school & begs not to go every day first to be honest.

Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like, lots of adults are in jobs they don’t like because they need a job to pay their bills and keep food on the table, we can’t just opt out of things we don’t enjoy.

If they just don’t like school then that’s one thing and they have to get on with that really, just like adults have to stay in jobs to pay bills, but if there is an actual reason they don’t want to go- ND, bullying etc then that should be addressed first.

I think to an extent they do have to suck it up - you can't not get some kind of education. I think you'd need to try to get to the bottom of why they don't want to go. If it's something like bullying or not wanting to be away from home, it can be addressed. If it's just they don't like getting up early, that's a suck it up situation.

Here (US) we have online schooling, which could be an option if the kid really hated school.

Oh. Well, there’s no reason to suppose they’ll hate school! I think it’s important that you don’t allow your own experiences to colour how you approach school with your DC. I don’t know how old you are but school is a world away from what I experienced, DD had a lovely time at a very nurturing primary school.

I also want to say that I now find your OP to be pretty emotionally manipulative. Please just post honestly.

As an adult I wouldn’t be in a job I didn’t enjoy

You're lucky, most adults don't have that kind of freedom.

If your child is crying to not go to school every day, you need to get to the bottom of why because that's not normal.

And the alternative to not going to mainstream school, is still another school. Home schooling is still school.
As a parent, you have to make it happen and you have to make them go.

We make kids do stuff they don't want all the time. Our job as parents is to prepare them for life, not indulge them and keep them happy all the time, it's impossible.

@Ddakji emotionally manipulative, how so?

I don’t suppose my children will hate school at all, I think my son in particular will absolutely thrive at school, my daughter not so much, but obviously at this stage I’m just speculating.
I would like both my children to thrive and love school because how much easier would that be as a parent.

As I say this post isn’t about my children at all, it was more about children in general who don’t like school

But people will think it’s about an actual child, your child. I did, as have others.

Home schooling is always an option 💚

Erm ok just seen this is not about an actual child.

A real life child who "begs" not go to school every day and is crying over it, likely has some massive issue that the parents are not dealing with.

It's not normal and you shouldn't be expecting that from your kids. It's really not some generalised problem. Very few kids love school and getting up in the morning but that's life. We have to find our strengths and the things we enjoy in everything. And some resilience is a good thing.

As an adult I wouldn’t be in a job I didn’t enjoy, it would be awful so why do we send our children to school when they express a real dislike? other then home education there feels there is little to no choice for children.

As an adult you can change jobs (and children can change schools - including to home schooling) but most adults don't have the option of opting out of the concept of work entirely.

I took one of mine out of school because it was utterly traumatising for them. We all worked very hard together, school, DC and her Dad and I but to no avail. It was horrific seeing the crumbling wreck high school turned her into. It took a long time to undo and unpack it all. She is now very happy.

Life is full of stuff we don't want to do it gets worse as an adult as you invariably have others dependent on you. Yabu.

I think school works for many children but not all. My middle child didn't like school or nursery, the same school and nursery that his older brother loved. He was never happy at school, and it got worse as he got older. He did suffer some bullying in secondary school, but didn't want to change schools, fear of the unknown I guess.
With hindsight, I should have found a way to home educate him, I feel he would have thrived on the autonomy. He hated being told what to do, all the wasted time while other kids were mucking about, and was bored a lot of the time. But at the time, finances dictated that DH and I both needed to work, and I worried that he'd become more isolated not mixing with other children. I think that school damaged his mental health which has had ongoing effects - he's now 30. He's always had an enquiring mind and is quite self-led finding out about things that interest him - I think he's possibly ND, although that's never been diagnosed.
His older brother enjoyed school, as did his younger sibling, although DS3 did suffer from separation anxiety until he was about 6, which made mornings hard!

I also think not every parent is cut out to Home Ed, even if they can afford to do so. Children need an education, and parents need to ensure that they get one.