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Parenting

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Child Contact Arrangements (Complicated)

5 replies

mimo101 · 07/09/2025 00:06

My ex and I broke up early in my pregnancy. He wanted an abortion, but I refused because of my religious beliefs. He reacted badly, threatened me, and kicked me out, saying he wanted nothing to do with our son during the pregnancy or after birth.
When our son was 2 months old, he came back wanting contact. I gave him a chance, but things have been terrible—we argue a lot, and I’ve felt unsafe with him around our child. He’s demanding to be on the birth certificate, but I’ve refused and pushed back on it. He initiated mediation, claiming I’m preventing contact, though he admitted he doesn’t want court involved “because things might get ugly.” He wants something written down in terms of child contact so that if we ever argue he feels like he doesn’t want this problem again of not being able to see his son, he says. Mediation is set for the end of September.
Recently, he asked for all the baby clothes him and his family bought (which our son has already outgrown) so he can resell them—something we never discussed, and which feels bizarre to me. At a recent park meeting, despite knowing our son has severe eczema triggered by grass pollen, he put him directly on the grass for tummy time. This led to flare-ups, GP visits, and sleepless nights caring for our now 7-month-old

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 07/09/2025 00:38

he was abusive, mediation isnt the best route.

Give him back the clothes. let him take you to court. Go through cms for maintenance.

mimo101 · 07/09/2025 01:31

DorothyStorm · 07/09/2025 00:38

he was abusive, mediation isnt the best route.

Give him back the clothes. let him take you to court. Go through cms for maintenance.

I told the mediator everything during my assessment, including that he never physically assaulted me, and she still deemed mediation appropriate—which I don’t really understand. He also pushed for CMS, which I’ve set up, but the payments barely cover anything. Although he initially said he’d contribute more, whenever I ask, he dismisses me by saying, “You get CMS, that’s it—stop bothering me.”

OP posts:
Squishydishy · 07/09/2025 06:15

he sounds an idiot but definitely give him back all the baby clothes, that is not a battle to care about

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notatinydancer · 07/09/2025 06:19

Give him the clothes. Let him take you to court.
Then you’ve got it set in stone. If you draw it up between you he can go back on it.
He sounds awful , I’d be tempted to move far away.

GameWheelsAlarm · 07/09/2025 06:34

Your first priority is the wellbeing and needs of your child. Your child does need some level of contact with his father, even if his father is an arsehole, if only so that he grows up knowing what an arsehole his father is (he won't just take your word for it). That contact never needs to stretch to overnight stays if the man can't be trusted to observe basic needs to prevent the child from having an allergic reaction. Courts and mediation will always be open to consider the possibility that he may have the capacity to learn to be a good dad even if he was a terrible partner who no sane woman would want to be in a relationship with. Who knows whether that is true, but what is important is that you keep all the evidence you can that shows unreasonable behaviour, lying, gaslighting and making decisions that are unsafe for the child.

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