Concern about a family friend

[concernedceline]

Hey All,

Looking for some advice. My husband has a friend and he comes to stay with us sometime. This friend is single, and introverted. He’s never had a partner as far as we know.

I have a 4 year old daughter and I’m trying to work out if I’m concerned about the family friends behaviour. My gut is ringing alarm bells but I was sexually assaulted as a child so I’m aware this might have impact on my heightened awareness.

So whenever my daughter is around she somehow climbs on this family friend and almost straddles him. I totally know that children do this with adults but it always seems to be that she’s on him/cuddled very close. She’s not like this with many other family friends. He also seems to follow her around the house and since I am getting a bit worried, I am following her around the house too. After 1 minute alone he’s tightly cuddled up with her sitting inside the house when we are all outside. It just seems to be an unusual level of physical contact.

It would be helpful to know if any of you think I’m being a bit silly, or if you think that there might be something in this. I’ve tried to speak to my husband about this but I almost talked myself down like I could be paranoid because of my experience.

Thanks for the votes everyone. Any advice would be appreciated. I’m actually a little scared to go to sleep
incase I miss her needing me. I am really scared about letting her down and not protecting her.

If anyone has any advice about what to do next I’d greatly appreciate it!!!!

I think it’s hard to gauge if this is problematic behaviour or he’s just innocently really great with kids and they gravitate to him from a post. I think though that the important bit here is that your gut is telling you something is not right. Your gut instinct isn’t broken just because you’ve been assaulted. It’s more refined. You will sense things others won’t. You aren’t comfortable with it and that’s the end of the story.

There is absolutely no reason that a random man who is a friend of your Dh and your 4 year old should ever be unsupervised though. Is he living with you? He needs to go. If he’s just staying the night, hopefully he’s leaving soon and until then, your dh needs to take him out and entertain him, so he’s not left around the house with you and your dd.

And in the future, your Dh goes to visit him. Houseguests shouldn’t make you uncomfortable in your own home.

Thanks both. You are both totally right and I’m really grateful for your replies. He’s staying till Monday and everywhere she goes right now, I am. Might have her sleep in with us too.

I hope she’s tucked up safely with tou tonight @concernedceline

I would phone tge NSPCC tomorrow abd ask the some advice on how to talk to her and hiw to protect her.

Also agree tgat this should be the last time he visits.