Too many birthday parties

[TheBrightBear]

We've recently moved and the new school seems to be having individual parties for each child in the class....they are either inviting the whole class or all the girls. There are a lot of girls. I am finding this overwhelming as at the old school which was in a less well off area had a system of joint parties for the class every couple of months so there were only 5 or six per year (I much preferred this system as it kept the cost down for us)....it didn't work for everyone all the time but overall suited us. It is eating into family time and clashing with sports activities (which we have paid for too). I really don't know how to manage this. I don't want to be rude but I also don't want my child to have to attend 20 parties in one school year. She really doesn't like going to lots of parties but doesn't have an established friend group in the new school yet so I feel she must attend as many as possible. People are nice to be so inclusive but it is also because it's an extremely wealthy cohort of parents.

I’d just go with ‘thank you very much for the invite, I’m afraid we won’t be able to make it because we already have a pre-booked arrangement on that date’ for those which are not close friends of DD or are at inconvenient times.

The old school’s system is highly unusual.

I’d say: don’t know how old your daughter is but this sort of thing often peters out by end Y2; going to parties might help her make new friends.

Please don’t overthink presents - if so many kids are invited the parents will be positively delighted if you turn up with a smelly pencil, pack of stickers etc.

Just say no to some invites and prioritise the parties when your dd has mentioned the child a lot.

Just say no when it clashes with other stuff, it’s perfectly normal.

It’s a much more usual ‘system’ than the previous school’s. Each child having a party, of almost all, for the first year or two is completely normal. I think DS had over 20 in Reception.

Just refuse the invitations if they clash with a prearranged activity.

I think it’s pretty normal, or at least not very unusual. How old is your daughter? I found that past infants, whole class / all girls/boys parties tended to reduce right down to actual friend groups. So not too long before it calms down hopefully.

Yeah it really is very simple, you just decline some. It’s not rude as long as you don’t accept then not turn up.

as above, primrose ones where she’s mentioned the kid, and/or decline ones which clash with the sports activity.

The previous school was odd. This is perfectly normal. Just say no if it clashes with other stuff, unless it’s a best friend that’s worth missing swimming or whatever for. No big deal.

She's 10 and it's still happening! I agree....the old school group parties will probably turn towards smaller friend groups but this school seems to be keeping going with big parties and I think it is because a lot of the parents are very well off...we are not and live in a less affluent road but it's near the school

The group party system is very common in the area the old school was in....parents were all working and too busy to go to lots of parties....and more kids in each family. New school seems to have lots of stay at home mums and only children.

She's 10

Even though you say your DD doesn't have a particular friendship group, you can probably tell which children she leans towards, and prioritise those parties. It's perfectly normal not to be able to go to every party.

My friend has a clever system. If it’s a child her child would like to spend time with, she declines the invite and instead offers to host a play date.

She claims this wins because:

1. her child doesn’t enjoy the whole class party chaos
2. no gift giving
3. the other parents get a Saturday to themselves in their own home

Haha I agree that’s more unusual at that age! Better hang on till secondary then…..

I guess at that age she’s probably going to have more established friend groups - suggest you let her pick which she’d prefer to go to. Hang on in there, and be thankful you only just got to that school and haven’t had years and years of it!