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3 year old won't poo in potty or toilet

4 replies

MissMeWThSh · 06/09/2025 17:12

My daughter is 3 and has been potty trained for wees for almost a year. Wears knickers during the day, and nappies overnight. She is very good at telling us that she needs a wee and doesn't have wee accidents.

However she refuses to poo in the potty or the toilet. For the past six months we've tried :

  • letting her wear a nappy but insisting she sits on the potty / toilet (she has her own seat) as she goes, but she refuses. If she can't stand up and walk around while pooping she won't go
  • refusing her a nappy all together, she just holds it in for days and her behaviour isn't great until she's finally pooped
  • reward, promising her any toy or sweet she wants, but she just says she doesn't want it
  • (not helpful I know) but reminding her she's the only one in her pre school class that uses nappies (it is true though)
  • poo goes to pooland
  • a potty training book, forget the name but there's a girl in it called Prudence
  • potty training videos
  • praising her for every wee she does
  • she's watched me poop
  • putting her on the potty / toilet at regular intervals but she's now refusing to do that unless she needs to go
  • letting her watch whatever she wants on kids YouTube on her dad's tablet if she sits on the toilet, and YouTube Kids is banned in this house

I can't physically force her to sit on the toilet or potty, so if she says no then what can I do ? Is it ok to just wait this out ? Will she be in nappies till she's 5 ????? She starts reception next September.

Currently we are only allowing her to poo in the bathroom (in a nappy), and when she's done we drop her poo into the toilet and flush it. This is the only thing she's agreed to do.

I'm tired of worrying over it but she is literally the only kid in her class that isn't fully potty trained. They don't even have nappy changing facilities in her class, so it's lucky she only poops when she comes home around 6pm.

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whoateallthecookies · 06/09/2025 17:22

This brings back memories. DD refused to poo on a potty or toilet for a full year (aged 2.5-3.5). She would hide at home and poo in her pants (she did wear a nappy at night, as she wasn't dry while asleep until she was 5). It was made easier by her only pooing at home - are you in a similar situation.

We didn't get cross with her; a friend's son struggled with potty training, and withholding led to significant constipation. It took years for him to poo normally (without movicol). We really didn't want to add that to the situation; similarly, I'd ensure your DD has the opportunity to poo as she wishes at least once a day.

Ironically what worked was DD getting mild diarrhoea, so she automatically pooed when she went for a wee (sorry if tmi). We praised her fulsomely, and gave her the treat we'd chosen as a reward for pooing on the potty some months earlier (bribery alone hadn't worked). The episode clearly taught her that it was OK/safe to poo on the potty, and bar a few incidents (less than 10) afterwards, she's used a potty (and then toilet) ever since.

Your DD will get there, but it feels interminable at the time. I hope she starts using the toilet/potty soon.

CharlotteFlax · 06/09/2025 17:33

All my three were reluctant poo-ers on potties and toilets. I can't even remember how it got sorted now but it did.

I think it's a really good sign that she's pooing in the bathroom even though it's in a nappy. I promise you she will ditch it before reception!

Intersmellar · 06/09/2025 17:36

The ERIC website will be a good resource to look at- they have a helpline which you could use to get expert advice. Sounds like you’re doing a good job of supporting her. The worry is the child getting impacted and constipated so I would allow using nappies for poos until you get
proper advice.

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TheignT · 06/09/2025 17:44

Had this with one of mine.

They'd ask for nappy on when they needed to poo and I'd put the nappy on but they'd have to sit on potty.

Next stage was putting nappy in the potty so still pooing in nappy but not actually wearing it.

Plan was to move on to lining potty with tissue instead of nappy but in the meantime time saw a toy they desperately wanted and I said I'd have money to buy it when I didn't need to buy nappies. Next day poo in potty and trip to toy shop.

Good luck, I know how frustrating this is.

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