What's going on with my son?

[Doublebubblegum]

DS is nearly 10. We're in Scotland so he's already been back at school for a few weeks.

This possibly sounds trivial but I'm wondering what's going through his mind right now.

He was keen to join a new after school football coaching session on Thursday night. On Wednesday PM I checked that he still wanted to do it - he said yes. I booked it and on Thursday night when I asked him to get changed into his kit he said he didn't want to go, that he never said he wanted to go, and started crying, he was very upset about it. He knew a couple of the boys going and has been to classes before where he hasn't known anyone, so it was just quite out of the ordinary for him. I let him stay home - it was a free class and he was adamant he didn't want to go. But I said we'd talk about it again next week and he might feel differently about it.

Fast forward to today, we've been talking about plans for this weekend and had spoken about him meeting up with one of his pals. We'd asked if the friend wanted to come out to a big adventure park type place with us on Saturday. We spoke about it after school - I checked with DS that he still wanted to do the activity with his friend, he said yes. I confirmed it was with this specific friend and he said yes. Then at bedtime tonight he became very tearful and upset again, saying he didn't want to see his friend at all, that he didn't remember telling me he wanted to see him. He didn't want to do the activity and he didn't want to see the friend. There's definitely not been any falling out with this friend - he's quite a new friend but they get on fine and he was round at ours after school earlier in the week without issue.

It's really out of character. To have two separate situations where he's agreed to something and then completely backtracked. Is it a confidence thing? How do I help him through this?

Aww bless him, sounds like he could be feeling pretty overwhelmed with something or just generally growing up. Kids are a bit bonkers at that age, early puberty / self awareness / parent separation as in they start to realise they are separate from you.
is there anything else going on his life at all that might make him feel a loss of control?
just keep talking kindly with him, try and get him journaling if possible, there’s some great kids guided journals that start conversations
good luck x

Poor kid. Maybe speak to his teacher and see if there's been any bullying or similar going on?

Or maybe it's just hormones?

Perhaps he's aging into a bit of social anxiety. It sounds like that thing we all get where we like the idea of something in advance and then when it rolls round you've changed your mind/are praying it gets cancelled. I think everyone has felt that.

I would make him go. The best way to overcome the anxiety is to do it and enjoy it and see that there was nothing to worry about after all.

Make sure he's getting lots of rest/downtime. I think tiredness is likely a factor too.

Thanks all. He's definitely having some friendship issues generally - he's been very close with one boy all through primary school but over the past couple of months they've drifted apart. They haven't exactly called out but just don't seem keen to hang out as much any more. And I think since then he's not found a good friend that he really wants to spend any time with, really.

We had a good chat this morning and eventually he told me that he was nervous about running out of things to talk about with this friend. So it's like some sort of social anxiety. I just explained I'd be there too and would help them with some activities etc. made me realise he just needed someone to help facilitate things. They had their day out and everything was fine! Thanks all for the advice.