I feel so low

[Username97433894]

I’m a FTM and my little one is 2 months old.

Today I feel so much emotional and like I’m really struggling.

My partner and I seem to be fighting loads, I feel really alone. We don’t seem to know how to communicate with eachother without it ending in a huge argument. This has been a previous issue as I don’t feel seen or heard when I raise things to him and he takes everything as a personal attack no matter how hard I try to word it so it’s not.
We went away last week with my parents and I don’t know if it’s the realisation now that we are back that I’m back to being on my own each day.
i don’t think it helps my LO is mega fussy today and I can’t seem to get him down to sleep. Sometimes this requires taking him out in the car to fall asleep or standing and rocking him but my back is hurting and I just can’t find it in me to pack up all of our stuff just to leave the house.

I just feel so unhappy in my relationship as well as trying to deal with a new baby.

I don’t have post natal depression as I’ve been speaking to a post natal support charity and on most days I’m really happy. I just don’t know if today’s triggered by the huge argument or just I’m struggling being a mum

Most relationships go through this with a new baby. It will settle, you may need to work on it but you can do that when you have more energy.

Is it just today you’re struggling? It’s fine to have a day in the house if getting out is too much but some times a walk around the block helps. All you need is to wrap you and baby up and go out for 10 mins.

Sounds exactly like us at 2 months. It's a hard, hard age. They're fussy, you're tired, bored, overstimulated, did i say tired?, alone all day, and DH's life sort of carries on as normal.

My DH was mega helpful in the early days but by 2 months the newborn shine came off and he was doing his own thing again while more and more of the baby stuff was on me.

I wish I could say it got better and it did, but only after 12 months. Once baby became more independent and engaging and less dependent on me, DH started doing a lot more. It doesn't make up for how much I had to do in those first 12 months and there is no debate that having a baby was a million times harder on me than him but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

2 months can be horribly tough. Try to do whatever will make it easier for you. I liked to bundle baby up in the sling and go for really quite a long walk - 3 of my 4 would nap well thay way and I could listen to music/whatever and feel a bit like myself rather than a frazzled mum. I also picked out a film I'd really enjoy for the fussy stage of each evening and got myself settled on the sofa with feeding pillow and everything in reach with no intention of moving between 8&11pm.

Babies put massive strain on any relationship. And many men REALLY don't get what you are going through.

I think I need to buy a sling, it would make thing a lot easier in terms of just popping him in and going for a walk. And in his eyes it his happiest sleeping position

I feel like today is the only day I’ve felt like I’m struggling and low but can’t seem to shake it. Normally it’s just a few hours in a day when I’m feeling overwhelmed.

I had babies 1st Imms today and I forgot everything I needed, my red book, his bottle, his milk, colief. I was running late left the bottle id made on the side and he was due a feed as we arrived. I think that’s been the cherry on top of the cake of feeling like a shit mum. My partners response was to say “it’s okay dont beat yourself up” like it was my sole responsibility to make sure we have everything. It’s probably PP hormones and I’m being unfair.

I did manage to make it to the shops but as soon as I stepped my feet into the house, I peer down to two beautiful but very fussy eyes staring up at me… try again tomorrow.

My partners response was to say “it’s okay dont beat yourself up” like it was my sole responsibility to make sure we have everything.

In my experience, yes, according to him, it is absolutely your sole responsibility to make sure you have everything.

I started delegating the "packing of the bag" to DH after many similar incidents and having a breakdown because I forgot XYZ.

The problem is, when he forgets stuff (and he usually does), he doesn't sweat it. He doesn't care that baby is a bit uncomfortable or missing his fave toy or that he's crying because his favourite spoon isn't there.

The answer is for me to not care either but I'm afraid I haven't reached that level of selfishness and never will.

So when I want to have a good outing, I double check and pack everything.

And mumsnet and society will then accuse me of enabling his uselesness and for being controlling.

Welcome to motherhood where everything is your responsibility and your fault.

2 months is the worst age. It's grim so I feel for you but it'll get better. You are doing great OP.