50/50 parenting

[Beaubeau08]

My soon to be ex husband said that he wanted 50/50 with the kids age 13 and 9. I wasn’t very happy about this initially as I wanted the kids predominately with me and felt he only did this so that he wouldn’t have to pay me.

I agreed to the 50/50 as I felt I had to option he has money to fight me and I thought the kids might be more settled this way 7 days with me 7 days with dad rather than packing a bag for 2 nights here and there: I get child dla for one of the children £235 a month and usually I would get £173 a month child benefit since January my ex told me he wanted the child benefit as he had the kids 50/50 and I would keep the dla. I agreed to this as it seemed fair and Iv been transferring it every month to his account. I am currently unemployed for the fist time since being 15 and im now 42 this is due to my poor health condition. I was thinking today that I should maybe change this set up because he gets £1000 plus a week where as I only get Uc and the child dla at this time. Is this unreasonable of me? Does he have a legal right to this money if he had the kids 50/50 ?

Please also note that I have a letter from the solicitor outlining this current arrangement.

Difficult one, on the surface it seems fair if you both pay for half the kids needs, he should get a share of the money. However, I'd be very wary with child benefit, as whoever gets that is often considered primary carer, which then effects things like universal credit.

If he were to apply for it to be paid directly to him he would have a good chance of getting it for at least one of the children, so I'd be careful about rocking the boat on that one.

On a separate not, do you get the carers and disabled child elements of uc? (Always worth checking in case you didn't know to apply)

If you have 50/50 then you are both equally entitled to the child benefit yes, you could each claim for one child.

I think you must have your figures wrong somewhere. If he was on £1000 a week after tax, he would have to pay all of the CB back as he'll be over the threshold, so it's unlikely he would be bothered to claim it- unless he's done it to prevent you from trying to claim to be the primary carer and claim maintenance from him.

I claim the cb but I transfer all of the money to his account every month. So yes we have the kids 50/50 but he earns far more than me so my question is am I being unreasonable to keep the cb.

Yes, because you have them 50/50 and he is no longer your partner so he is not responsible for your finances. His earnings are not your business, he doesn’t owe you.

I’d also warn you that if you chose to stop sending it then he could just apply for the child benefit himself, he’d be almost certain to get it for one child, and then not only would you lose the child benefit for that child you would also lose any UC you get for that child.

@Sprogonthetyne yes I get that/ he earns over 50,000 a year so he wouldn’t be able to claim cb alone. I currently get the cb and I transfer him the money every month but it occurred to be today that he gets 1000 a week where as I get 1500 a month? So am I unreasonable in wanting to keep the cb it all goes on kids anyway:

@Mrsttcno1 can he claim the cb if he’s earning over 50,000 a year?

Yes he can

yes and he will likely be granted it for one child (often happens when you have 2 kids). He just won’t actually receive any money due to earnings. I thought the threshold was higher than £50k but I could be wrong

Yes absolutely, he just wouldn’t claim the actual money or would claim it and then pay it back. He’d still be totally entitled to claim it for 1 child as 50/50 and so you would not only lose the child benefit but also any other benefits for that child e.g. UC child element

He’s not your partner or your husband, his wages are none of your business. The child benefit is for the kids of which you have 50/50 care. His earnings are irrelevant to you.

No, that’s about 70k a year you don’t have to pay it all back if you earn under £80.
op you’re doing the right thing keeping child benefit in your name as they are the gateway to the other benefits.
you could tell him you need it and stop paying it to him.

This is untrue, I earn 50k and get child benefit. It’s now earners between 60-80k that have to start paying it back and over 80k gets none

OK, so you have 50/50 and his job is to cover the costs of the children being with him for 50% of the time. He doesn't have to cover any of your expenses.

He's asked for the CB, which is less than the DLA.

He could claim the CB for that child, meaning you'd lose all the benefits you get for that child and the CB. He'd have to pay it back but he's still legally entitled to claim it. He could then also claim the DLA, so you would lose the CB, the DLA, and any UC element for your child.

I think it's a bit unkind of him to ask for the CB considering he's earning enough not to need it, but legally, you can only make things worse for yourself by trying to force his hand.

Op if you are the main carer that does all of their appointments and school stuff etc then you maybe able to claim child maintenance from him - see their calculator.
he would probably then counter claim via getting one child benefit and one child each but if you have to pay him £7 a week as you’re on UC and he has to pay you £500 a month that could still work out well.

Assuming a 6% pension contribution and a student loan, you'd need to earn around £83k to take home £1k a week.

Assuming you get UC child payments I wouldn't get into dispute over this, if he puts in a rival claim for one of the children he will get it as can evidence 50:50 and then you'll end up with less.

I looked and if I wanted to I could claim child maintenance from him and that’s me putting in that he has then 50% of the time. This is based on his wage.

You won't get maintenance if he has them 50/50.

The online calculator is very poor when it comes to calculating 50/50. It'll be taking you as having CB making you entitled when you're not.

There's a very recent thread on here where someone in a similar position to you absolutely destroyed her Co-parenting relationship by chasing extra maintenance in a 50/50 set up, and her ex now claims the CB for one of the children (despite earning too much).

I know, I read that and thought oh no, here we go again!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5340011-child-benefit-rival-claim-ex-partner-earning-loads-part-2

Legally you should both claim for one child each. It doesn’t matter if he earns over the threshold, he can still claim it on paper and not get payment.

Morally, things are different.

Hoe are your kids finding 50/50? Just be warned that a judge would allow your older child to pick how much contact they had with each parent (even zero contact)

Nope, incorrect.