DD 8 finds school so exhausting

[tellyon]

DD8 has boundless physical energy but finds long periods of sitting down very challenging. She finds travel hard for example and wouldn’t cope with a flight beyond 3-4 hours.

Similarly at school she finds the days long and the week long although she loves it from the social and learning perspective.

Eats, sleeps, plays beautifully, no emotional dysregulation but it makes me sad and worried that she finds the long days so tough and almost seems to get burn out as the term continues with lots of stress related tics.

She’s bright and has many friends and loves school in small doses.

Will she grow out of it? Or what can I do to help her?

Hopeful bump for the evening crowd

How does she focus on tasks at home? Can she remain on task?

How long is her school day? Do they have an afternoon break? Generally at school they’re never more than 90 minutes from a break but the afternoons can sometimes be a bit long. (Primary teacher here)

She may well grow out of it. She sounds lovely, by the way.

My DD is a bit like this. She can't stand flying and hates car/plane journeys of 2 hours or more. She walks/moves around constantly at home e.g. she will sit to eat her dinner but when she is finished, she walks laps of the dining table. When she went to juniors, she complained that the morning learning was too long. She is academically able, just frustrated at sitting still for too long.

With DD it has got better and she manages better than she did. Some days are better than others too e.g. if they are doing art and have to move around more to get supplies.

I don't have any particular ideas for you unfortunately. All I would suggest (which you probably have thought about) is getting in some exercise before school, finding out what she does at playtime (does she run around or chat?) and talk to her about how she sits and what is uncomfortable. Some children benefit from e.g. a foot rest for more feedback.

Have you had her checked at the doctor?

I know a few people who when they're having to sit down for long periods, get absolutely drowsy and can't remain focused on anything.

Some of us have inattentive ADHD, others have low vitamin levels, others have thyroid issues.

All perfectly fine and well when we're active, social etc.

I would definitely get her checked up just in case, but regardless of anything, if you've noticed that it's when she's having to sit down for such long periods, ask the school if they can incorporate movement breaks, either for her or for the whole class.

My sons school do these brain break videos on youtube, which are just like 5 or 10 minute long videos, where kids are encouraged to watch, and physically jump up, move left, move right etc, and ultimately they stay more engaged.

At 8, doing book work all day, bar lunch and breaks is incredibly tedious, but you need to get to the bottom of it now so she has the right support in place. It could just be boredom or understimulation, or it could be something that OTC treatment can resolve, or it might need referring on.

@sparrowhawkhere thanks for responding, I’m not sure. She doesn’t have tasks really. But she can tidy a room, brush her teeth, watch a film, sit and chat without losing focus. I did wonder about ADHD but she is completely emotionally steady, not impulsive, nor sensory seeking. It’s more just a horror of sitting about slogging away at maths. Other kids seem ok with school and manage fine with a 6 hour day.

How about a wobble cushion or those kick bands for her chair?

These are a really good suggestion actually, as well as hand held fidgets.

You can also get these chair foot things that let you bounce a bit on your chair.

@Jimmyneutronsforeheadthanks for this - I think I will try the GP.

Sorry, when I say tasks I mean could she remain on task playing a board game? Can she complete her homework? Can she draw or colour and finish it? Can she learn to swim/ride her bike and concentrate on learning?

Thank you @sparrowhawkhere yes she can do all the things you list. She doesn’t like homework so I don’t push her but yes she can stay on task. It’s frustrating as it doesn’t neatly fit with anything. Although obviously I am glad she can do those things. She’s not
doing brilliantly with academics but she’s just about meeting expectations.

I don't think they're good indicators of sustaining attention to be honest.

They're good examples of what could be construed as attention indicators but the way that attention deficit disorders work is that the things that give you dopamine energise you and incentivise you to continue.

If you're questioning ADHD and you're talking about tasks, the key thing to remember is that the ADHD brain works on urgency, novelty, interest and challenge.

Things that she finds fun, she might be able to give more attention to, so it seems pretty normal when you consider that she can play games, swim, bike, colour in etc.

But boring things like homework either don't get done, get done and forgotten at home, or there's a last minute middle of the night or before school rush to get it done.

That's why it's so easy to miss, especially in girls. For a lot of girls they're not fidgety or hyperactive. They're able to give too much attention to the things they're interested in and not enough to the things that aren't interesting, new, need to be done with no immediate negative consequence or aren't particularly tantalising to the brain, without the physical side of things. And when you've got nothing interesting going on, your brain just gets really drained and you get so exhausted and bone tired because you're so understimulated.

Again, not saying your DD has ADHD, but just explaining how it can be easy to misinterpret ADHD signs if they don't neatly fit into a box.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead this is a very helpful way to understand ADHD thank you