Reassure me that my DD won’t starve at preschool

[Heckthewhat]

Have a really fussy 3.3yo DD, we offer a huge range of things but she sticks to pretty safe options - pasta bake, weetabix, spag bol, toast etc. She loves fruit but is a veg dodger, I can get beans in her and the odd bit of cucumber now and again.

I usually send her to preschool with a packed lunch, and pack her things I know she will eat but they have now started offering hot lunches so I’ve decided to give them a go starting this week. The menu is full of things I know she would normally refuse like beef bourguignon and other lovely things, but the hopeful part of me thinks she might be more open in a childcare setting..

She does 8-4, and has a banana mid morning and breadsticks around 3pm so I know she will eat something but am I being foolish thinking she’s going to magically eat new foods?

I think I’m feeling guilty because she has told me in no uncertain terms that she does not want hot lunches but I think we have to give it a go and bring a snack on pick up just in case.. am I being unfair?

My kids always ate a wider range of food at nursery than they did at home. She'll be fine.

Give her a packed lunch with things she will eat. She will not enjoy school if she is hungry and upset. There is lots of time for her to grow and develop her tastes for new food.

You're not being unfair, but maybe talk with the staff so as to keep an eye. The workers at my nursery will make sure to give a fussy eater more snack or tea, or a component they will eat if they refuse food at one meal - but they provide everything from breakfast to "tea" over a 7.30am til 6pm day. (4 "meals").

My plan is to load her up with a big breakfast and provide a decent dinner so I know she’s getting 2 good meals. I wanted to give it a go for a month and maybe if it’s a big flop we go back to packed lunches.

Good to give it a go. If she’s just a bit fussy maybe she will try some things. If it is sensory based or food neophobia she might not.
She could be overwhelmed by the sounds and smells of others eating. Is she fine with this at home?
I’d send some “ back up” food as a PP suggests.
She won’t starve.
Hopefully nursery staff will keep a close eye on anything she eats or tries.
Playing with food in a Tuff Spot or getting involved in making food e.g. pizza even if she doesn’t try it.
This is a good website for strategies.

Look at “ Fussy and Faddy eating”

https://infantandtoddlerforum.org/health-childcare-professionals-factsheets/

Definitely get nursery to keep an eye. DD is very fussy; it turned out she wouldn't even eat her safe foods at nursery for the first 6 months (she went when she was 3), but did slowly move onto eating them. She did gain two new foods in the 18 months she attended. She was only there 9-1 initially, so, while hungry when we picked her up, not catastophically so.

I was (repeatedly) told that fussy children are fine at nursery, but that isn't universally true.

Thank you everyone. The issue with DD is getting her to try things. Once she gets over the barrier of trying it, she tends to like things! She also goes to a childminder 2 days a week, and tried some of her egg at lunchtime and enjoyed it, despite refusing egg in any form at home. So I’m hoping if there are other kids eating the same then she might be a bit more inclined to try it. Just hate the thought of her being hungry.

I will ask them to keep an eye on her and will send in a back up snack just in case 🤞🏻

My dd only attended part of the day and the school had a strict no outside food policy. They wanted the children to have a communal eating experience.

my 3yo did indeed starve herself. Her teachers recognized the problem, realized it was not going to change, and the school made an exception. We went packed
meals and snacks from that point on. she eventually got an arfid diagnosis.

my point is that even if she does refuse to eat, the teachers will be paying attention. they will let you know if there is a problem beyond regular adjustments.

Be ready with an after school snack for the first few days just in case. As in have one with you at pickup, but you only pull it out of your bag for the trip home if needed. Even children who eat well sometimes are hungry in the beginning. It’s a lot of excitement.

Please don’t do this for a month. Speak to staff, take an alternative for her every day. Feeling her up before and after pre school in case she doesn’t eat is not ok.

It depends why she is fussy. Let the staff know that she doesn’t normally eat the food they are offering so they can give her a bigger snack or you can go back to packed lunches.

Some children eat the food whilst others do go hungry. It’s not true that they will all be fine.

I would try to force yourself not to worry. It will be good for her in the long run.

My 4 year old gets nursery dinners and used to rarely eat much of them. I gave him a big bowl of porridge in the morning and he’d eat two plates of dinner when we got home. But he was always fine as they have snack twice a day of fruit and/or things like cheese and crackers, and he is clearly strong and healthy.

Over time he started trying more and more until now there’s usually only one meal a week he won’t eat any of. Usually even if he doesn’t like some of a meal, he’ll eat parts of it. I refuse to compound fussiness by sending him with a sandwich every day, and I also don’t want the cost and faff of making a packed lunch.

Stick to your guns as it will definitely help her in the long run.

If she eats toast, and tries stuff at child minders then sounds well worth a shot.

Pre school staff will be pragmatic and deal with a hungry but won’t eat what’s offered child by giving them something straightforward like cereal or toast.

And for many, it’s magical what they’ll eat at nursery a table with others.

Of course she won't starve. She might come home hungry and grumpy, but she will not starve by not eating for 8 hours.
I would not send in an alternative meal as she will quickly learn that refusing the hot meal gets her her preferred option. Or, if she does eat the hot meal, the packed lunch gets wasted.
Speak with the staff, they will have seen it all before. Children often eat much better when parents are not watching, and frequently eat things they refuse at home.

I tried this with my son at about the same age. He eats well but doesn't like trying new things so I thought eating in a different setting, with his peers, might help introduce him to new foods. (Plus I had read success stories of this on here).

It didn't work. He was unhappy, didn't eat much lunch and was sad about not having his lunchbox.

He's such a cheerful little chap and quite stoical usually so I decided to listen to him and revert back to his lunchbox. I didn't see why he should be sad and hungry just because I wanted him to try new things - he'll get there in his own time!

He's almost 5 now and has a great relationship with food. Really relaxed, slowly trying new things and not bothered unduly about snacks and treats.

So hot lunches didn't work for us but that's not to say they won't for you!

4 year old DD is a fussy eater at home yet at nursery, she's one of their best eaters!

Couscous at home? Noooo.
Couscous at nursery? One bowl, two bowls...

Thank you everyone. We are going to give it a shot, I’m definitely not opposed to going back to packed lunches if it’s what makes her happy in the long run (although making them 4x a week is a chore and a half).. but will go in hopeful!

Both my boys will eat stuff at nursery that I can’t get them to touch at home. I think eating with other kids helps. My boys nursery will make them a piece of toast on the very rare occasion that they absolutely refuse to eat anything, will the pre-school do something like that?