I need present advice please

[Waytooearly1]

I know it's only just September but Ds turns 3 at the end of November. I'm a lone parent and trying to be organised to spread the cost of birthday and Christmas and gather bits up each month as I go.

Up to now I've generally used ds birthday/Christmas gift in order to buy him something he needed for example a car seat/ learning tower /convertible bike thing/new stroller from me and only got a couple of little bits from santa for him to open as I knew he'd get lots of other presents from family etc so it seemed like a good way to be wise with money and reduce waste and the overall amount in my home which was not big. However, I have been wracking my brains and there's just nothing he NEEDS at the moment. We're currently staying with family awaiting our house selling so I'm very aware space is in demand and I don't want to add to lots of stuff to someone else's home.

However I think I'd feel like the worst mum if I didn't get him what feels like a 'proper' present. His dad isn't involved physically due to safeguarding issues and hasn't so much as asked after him in over a year but last xmas sent a literal car load of gifts for him which is up to him what he wants to get, but it felt really inconsiderate given he's the reason we are staying where we are and he knows that space is really tight and we had agreed to a large practical gift plus santa stocking and let other family provide all the rest until ds is old enough to make a Christmas list himself.

I'm not going to lie even though I know he uses the stuff I got him every day, it still felt really shite on Xmas morning watching him open present after present after present of huge loud flashy plastic toys and I'm preparing myself emotionally for the same again next year. We aren't on good terms for obvious reasons and I don't feel like I can ask him to send less unless it starts to get unhelpful for ds. So my question is, any ideas of what I can get for ds that will be useful and fun and still make a good present? He already has plenty of clothes/ books/ sensory and creative stuff/bike and helmet/toy kitchen etc he's out at nursery a lot and we do a lot together at the weekend so these are all still in good condition and he still really enjoys playing with them all.

Part of me is tempted to put money away for his bedroom when we eventually buy a house ourselves but that's a long way off and it's not remotely exciting to open.

Can you buy him a couple of experiences - so that you get to make some nice memories - and then a token present that represents that experience? E.g. A stuffed lion to open because you're going to take him to the zoo? Also that deals with the issue of space and often there are deals you can get for days out.

He's only turning three, so this is probably your last year of him not really registering who things are from. And he definitely will still have no concept of how much things cost. My DS's favourite birthday present when he was 3 was an umbrella. And for Christmas aged 3 the present he wanted the most was a giant inflatable crocodile. He was asking for it for ages. So you might find if you just ask DS what he wants and talk about it a few times in advance, that will feel like a 'proper' present to him just as much as if it was something you think is a proper present.

This is what I was going to suggest! If there is nothing he needs & you know he’s going to get plenty of presents from family/dad/Santa anyway then rather than you spend another £200 or whatever on more “stuff”” to add to the pile I would definitely say spend the money on trips/experiences or even something like an annual pass to something so you could go frequently throughout the year e.g. a zoo/aquarium and then just get some little bits to wrap for that!

Annual pass to a range of places is an excellent idea - wholeheartedly agree!

Do you have a Yoto? Super useful if you want some peace and quiet without using a screen!

Also, think about what your child considers a "proper present". For mine it means a teddy. Doesn't matter if it's from vinted or even the charity shop, if she doesn't get at least one soft toy her birthday/Christmas is basically ruined 😂

In reality: age3 most children don’t remember who bought what gift. The fact was your dc saw YOU sitting there while he unwrapped all the gifts so it’s YOU he’ll associate with receiving them. Not the delivery guy/biological father.

Also age 3 it’s very hard to predict the “hit” present. It’s extremely common for the expensive gifts not to be the ones the kids enjoy most. They are just as likely to enjoy the random wacky thing - I remember my dd being obsessed with a “groan tube” that Santa brought her which I bought just to fill up space! And ds age 3 was enchanted by his new wellies that had flashing lights in when he stamped.

So don’t overthink it and save your cash for when they really want something special ( currently ds age 6 wants a proper motorbike; he has talked about it all summer and I have no idea how to convince him I simply can’t buy him one and Santa doesn’t bring things like that!)

Also - my ds is January-born so we tend to struggle with Xmas and bday presents arriving too close together. I simply spend less and save budget to spend later in the following year. Once you stop comparing and feeling anxious about the “size of the pile” you realise this is a good way of doing things. It also means your dc doesn’t become hooked on huge materialistic splurges every winter!

Unless there's something specific my daughter needs we do want, need, read, wear.

Given a November birthday I do it spread over the birthday and Christmas. Just little things it could be a new t shirt, book from a charity shop, something to make days out easier, soft toy. Then set aside some money to buy things or days over the coming year as and when you have it up to the amount you would have spent on birthday and Christmas.

This is so funny because I tried floating with him today to see if there was anything he would really like since he would never ask me for anything, and his response was a grown up car just like mummies so he can drive me around haha! So apparently he also has big aspirations!

"It also means your dc doesn’t become hooked on huge materialistic splurges every winter!"

This is one of the reasons why I really cringe a bit at the big pile his dad produced last year because I never wanted to raise him with that kind of mentality and when we'd talked about it we'd agreed that we would gift good decent presents and then santa would bring a stocking of surprises so he'd not grow up expecting the material side and as he gets bigger he'd hopefully be more appreciative of what he gets as santa isn't a bottomless pit and we aren't spending stupid money on piles of gifts that weren't actually needed because I do think it's so easy to lose yourself in that comparison of what others are doing/ getting. I really want him to grow up knowing the value of things and I feel like this absent Disney dad act is going to undermine that. Even if my ex doesn't necessarily have thought that part through and is just compensating for his own guilt.

If he's anything like mine he will wait until the 23rd December and inform you that father Christmas is getting him X.

We just had enough time to get a small trinket that matched and upgraded it to the actual toy with some Christmas money from relatives in January!