Will I regret working so much whilst my kids are young?

[slidinintoyourdms]

Mum of 2 young children - 2y & 3m

currently on maternity leave and already dreading going back to work next year - I work 37.5hr’s over 4 days - Full time compressed over 4 days not 5.

Am I mad to be working so much whilst my kids are so young?

We have a great childcare set up, grandparents 2x per week and nursery 2x per week, but I feel like I am going to be missing out as I work long days and by the time I go back to work il only have just over a year before my eldest starts school.

Not working, or working less of course means less money coming in the house so I’m left with a toss up between more time less money to do fun things, less time, more money to do fun things on the time we do have.

I don’t want to look back in 10ys with regrets!

No one, including you, will know if you'll regret it.

All you can do is make the decision that's right for you right now.

I have never once regretted my decision to pause my career for 8 years to look after my now adult children when they were little.

When I made that decision, my career was on fast track, and had I not quit, I'd now be top of the tree. Currently in my career I'm about 60% there, and have had to watch others younger and less experienced than me overtake me. And I'm (mostly) good with that, as I know I wouldn't have changed their childhoods for the world.

Same Globoles. Paused career for 8 years then worked for myself. Out earn Dh now and he was the one with the “big job”.

My oldest off to university soon and I am so glad I had those years with them both. Our summers were idyllic not dashing around to holiday clubs. Depends on circumstances but
no regrets here.

I dont know. Young children are easy to get care for and dont remember a lot, so maybe its a good time to focus on career then ease off when they are a little older.

But I did read a report recently that holidays form the biggest part of childhood memories, over school and day to day life and that does chime with my older children's views when we are reminiscing. So I sort of wish I had put more time and money into holidays.

Although the caveat is I cant remember who wrote the report! It might have been a holiday company.

I went back to work 4 days which was right for me. My daughter was in nursery for those days and I made sure my day was protected and we only did activities together, the housework waited for the weekend.
She started school last September and she found the adjustment harder than expected. She was doing after school club 4 days a week and breakfast club 1-2 times a week. After the October half-term we dropped her to 3 days in after-school club with my mum covering the extra day and my partner started WFH on my office day so she was only in breakfast club a couple of times a month. This helped a lot.
I was then made redundant and I've been at home with her since Feb and it's really helped her to integrate with her class socially and emotionally as I have time after school to do play dates with her friends to firm up some of those relationships. I'm glad I have had this time with her and it's only been possible by me working whilst she was younger and had different needs that were being met by nursery.

I did 32h (80%) over 4 days. I don't think I would have managed with full time over 4 days although I was on a 40h contract. Would dropping your hours slightly below full time say to 35h take the pressure off your work days a little?

I was a SAHM as was living in a country where I couldn’t get a work visa, my husband had a job that required lots of overseas travel too. I loved being a SAHM but if I had been in a position to work I think I’d have liked that too. Before we left the U.k I Job shared a local government job while I just had one kid. It was brilliant. I felt I had the best of both worlds.

There are too many variables to know what is the tight choice for your family. Just go with the one you want and don’t look back. It’s pointless having regrets. The fact you have great support is brilliant.

You choose what’s most important for your family. Some can’t afford to do anything other than slog away full time. Some put their career above home life. Some decide being skint is worth it to be at home.

Part time work with family around for childcare is probably the optimum set up, I always envied those mums the most.

Probably not - but you may well regret not having as much financial security when you and the kids are older. So it all depends how much money you'll need for that and where it will come from.

Honestly, dd remembers next to nothing before she started school. All those lovely days out, holidays etc - she can't remember a thing. She might as well have been raised by Kermit the Frog in a tent for the first 4 yrs.

She was well looked after in a reputable nursery, where she made friends that she still has now aged 13. We tried to make the most of the time we had with her.

I do appreciate the financial security we have now, that we'll be able to help her with education and buying a home, that we've been able to use private healthcare at times (which has relieved a lot of stress), that she won't need to worry about our old age etc. That wouldn't have happened if we hadn't both continued working at a reasonable level. We have no financial support from family and expect no inheritance.

And yes we like to think all kids need is love etc but as they get older they do also like nice holidays, nice clothes, expensive concert tickets etc too.

No regrets here!! My child is thriving and honestly I think they do more at nursery than I would do at home. Seeing them with their friends and playing so nicely together is wonderful. They’re so good at sharing and empathetic to others.

I have managed to develop my career in the meantime and it’s meant my job has become more flexible, which is going to be such a bonus when it comes to school as hopefully we won’t have to use after school clubs every day.

It’s meant that we will be able to afford the extortionate prices of foreign holidays in school holiday time. My best memories as a child were of going to new places, trying different foods, making new friends, and learning new languages. My child is looking like they will be the same from the last few year’s holiday experiences.

We want to be able to save up a decent amount for them to either go to uni with or set themselves up with career or home. We wouldn’t be able to do this if one of us were to give up work in the early years. I think they need a bit more help at school with homework etc., so would prefer to ensure we can give them a bit more time then. If you can do four days a week that’s perfect.

Completely agree! It’s definitely more about quality over quantity for us. I can honestly say that during our shared parental leave neither of us had 100% quality and enriching time together! I felt that having fun, activities, learning, and friends at nursery, then happy relaxed parents in the evenings and weekends was the perfect balance for our family and it works for us so well. Weekends are purely for fun and activities and personally we are all better for it! No stress, just fun.

No regrets here, working when my children were young saved my sanity. Some women are cut out to be SAHMs, I am not one of them, no shame!

Working also gave me the financial freedom to have disposable income to spend on trips and experiences, which we wouldn't have had if I'd not worked.

My career is also in a great place too now.

Don’t trust anyone who says they have no regrets about parenting. You’re raising human beings and there are a lot of decisions and compromises required. Just go with the ones you think you can live with.

For me it was being a SAHM when they were under 5, then PT work throughout the school years. The original plan was to go back FT when they left school but a cancer diagnosis made me reconsider and now I very happily work PT from home and set my own hours. Even my 19yo Uni student still needs me from time to time and I love that I can take a couple of days off to spend with her.