Putting DD in own room and now she doesn’t self soothe

[andanotherproblem]

DD 1 year has been in my room in a travel cot, I got her routine down to 7pm and FINALLY got her out of needing to be held to go to sleep, I’d simply put her down and she’d sleep, two night ago I put her in her own room in her actual cot and she won’t self soothe, just cries until I pick her up, I’ve tried sitting and laying on the floor next to her cot and it doesn’t work. I end up having to hold her for 30/40 minutes until she’s asleep and then put her down. What can I do please

If she were mine I would refuse to pick her up. I would hug her while she stood in the cot, I would sit and sing to her, etc, but I wouldn't pick her up. If you are with her in the room just keep telling her it's okay, she's fine, you're with her. But persistence is key. Don't pick her up.

If she's 1 she can have cuddly toys in her cot. She can have a mobile above the cot, etc. That may help a bit. But basically it's persistence. She knows how to self settle, it's just that the setting has changed. She can do it in the new setting too. Just sit with her while she gets used to it.

I’ve tried this and she just cries and cries she doesn’t lie down just wants me to pick her up it’s so hard as it took so long to get her to self soothe and her bedtime was 7, tonight she didn’t fall asleep until 7:40 I feel like it’s messed the whole routine up

My daughters sleep has not been linear. She has been capable of sleeping through since 2 but there are various situations that means she needs more support with sleep. She has bad reflux so goes through phases of being in pain overnight. Colds and teething made it worse. If she has shared a room with us when we have been away she goes backwards too.

The situation has changed and although the routine is the same to her things are different. I'd go back to the process you used in your room to get her to self settle. When we have to go backwards we give her a couple of days of more comfort once the tricky time has passed and then move through the process of getting her to sleep more independently again.

When we first started to try to get her to sleep in her own room we read that spending more time in her room can help them feel like this is a safe space. Also look to see if the lighting is similar to your room.

Don't sit/lie next to her, she will get used to only sleeping with you there and then all hell will break loose every time she wakes up and you've gone downstairs (speaking from experience, I ended up sleeping on the floor for months)

You could try some sleep training now. Put her in her cot in her room, do your usual routine and say goodnight and go downstairs for up to 10 mins. Go back in, quick cuddle/pat, and go downstairs for up to 10 mins again. Repeat until she goes to sleep. It may take 3 nights but she should learn to settle herself again and know that you are nearby and not leaving her to cry but also that she needs to be in her room now.

Put her in her own room in the travel cot rather than actual cot. It obviously feels a bit different to her.

I was going to do this but she has to learn to sleep on her cot eventually won’t I just be delaying the process?

I can’t leave her to cry, if she’s just winging etc ok but full on cry tears I just can’t ignore her

Bloody hell she’s only 1. Sleep at this age is a bit haywire, if she goes down well after a cuddle then perhaps you could just cuddle her?

Try an audio book or a tshirt with your smell on it.

Or white noise.

Was also going to say use the travel cot.
two big changes - cot and room - is probably unsettling, maybe make one change at a time?

that’s true I guess, I will put her travel cot in her room tomorrow and see how it goes

of course I would cuddle her to sleep if she wanted but it’s took a whole year to even get her to self soothe I really don’t want her to loose that ability

I wouldn’t worry about that. She will get used to the new arrangement, but it might just take a little time getting used to it.

Lucky girl having a new lovely room and an amazing mumma.

She won’t lost the ability. She won’t be needing you forever and there will be times when she needs more reassurance than others. It’s very hard to see that in the moment though.

40 minutes is really not bad at all

Yes but if she won't settle in there get her used to the room but in a familiar bed, then maybe try putting her in the cot but with the travel cot against it so the sides are still sort of opaque (assuming it has those mesh sides that are a bit different to cot bars).

Thank you I appreciate your kind words, it’s nice that we can be supportive on this app rather than constant bashing

That’s good advice, I will try this thank you

Around 12 months, my DC suddenly needed less sleep and took me by suprise. Made bedtime hard until we worked it out. You could try making bedtime 15-30 minutes later and see if that helps.

Have you tried travel cot in her room for a while while she transitions?

If she sleeps well after going down I would just cuddle her to sleep and transfer her. I’m possibly not the person to ask as I was still cuddling mine to sleep at almost 3 when she moved into a bed and I still sit with her while she goes to sleep. I don’t mind as she sleeps through as long as she’s not sick.

She went through a very bad sleep patch from 12-18 months with nursery illnesses and teething. During a few of the worst viruses she would only sleep on my chest like a newborn but luckily that didn’t last forever.

7pm is a pretty early bedtime in my book - if she isn’t going to sleep easily then, I’d be wondering if she’s actually tired. I wouldn’t fancy a 40 minute battle!

Personally I’d be getting baby to sleep however works for now - if she needs you to hold her at the moment, she needs you. I’m also with you on not ignoring a crying baby OP! Here we feed to sleep and bedshare, works great for us.

I didn't suggest ignoring her, I suggested going in every 10 mins to briefly settle her rather than lying on her floor all evening