Advice please

[Chloe207]

Mummas, I had my baby 4 months ago, and her dad is in and out of her life 😒 he texted me at 1am asking if I was awake so he could come round… I said it’s 1am you can’t just text me and stupid times to see your daughter, you have to feel the need to make an effort to see her, because it’s always me texting you to see if you want to see her and 1 day I’ll stop that completely and you’ll never hear from me again.

And be replied… if you think you can do better with out me then leave me I’ll never both you again! May I add we are not actually together!!

Now he’s completely ignoring my calls abs texts, I asked him if he wanted to meet up and see our daughter.

What do I do?? Completely just leave him be or what?? I really need advice. Thank you.

Give your head a wobble. He has no genuine interest in either of you. He can't even stand by a statement he made five minutes before, let alone commit to a lifetime of trying his hardest every single day to nurture another life.

Yes, you completely leave him be. Moreover you create some stability for your child, having an absent father is one thing and will need managing and support from an emotional point of view, but having one that picks her up and drops her depending on which way the wind is blowing is going to be far more damaging.

It must be hard. You’ve had to deal with the hormone, physical and emotional changes that come with PG and birth avd are probably dealing with sleep deprivation now too.

But please, stop calling him and stop replying to daft texts like can he come around at 1am. That sounds like a request for a drunk booty call rather than a genuine desire to see your DD.

If you’ve not already, put in a claim for CMS this morning.

Stop calling and texting. If he does text, only respond to sensible texts about when he can see his DD avd ignore any threats like the one last night.

Can you arrange to meet family or a DF today so that you’re distracted from him and what he’s up to and have some nice company?

Oh absolutely, I’m so tired as my daughter isn’t sleeping great at the moment, so silly texts off him gets me pissed! But reading these comments this morning has made me feel better if I did just leave him, for some reason I felt bad if I did, but why? Why the hell should I feel bad for not texting him to arrange to see his daughter like someone said he has no general interest at all. So why should I even bother. He will no longer be getting calls or texts from me. If he really wants to his daughter he has my number, he can text / call me! But from now on he will not be getting any effort from me 😊

thank you for your comment. X

Look on it as goid practice for when your DD is a toddler for managing her behaviour. Reward the goid behaviour and ignore the bad and definitely don’t answer any texts in tge night or chase him to see his DD. If he want to see her he’ll make the effort.

If you wanted you could always ask him to download a shared ci-parenting app like MyFamilyWizard where you can communicate with him, upload photos and any appointments and expenses she has. You do have to pay for the app though so if he’s not bothered about her, he’ll probably not want to download the app.

As for sleep, I found The No Cry Sleep Solution helped us

The Relationship section on MN is usually very good if you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed with his behaviour