Very angry 3 year old

[Ellebel]

I have a VERY angry just turned 3 year old boy. He’s always been extreme with his emotions- I know toddlers can be wild in their ways, but mine has always seemed that little bit more. Having just been on holiday with lots of his cousins that range from 5-10 years older family have confirmed that although they’ve all had lots of tantrums over the years, my sons moods are a whole league of their own. He will scream with all his might in your face over the smallest annoyance (like if I ask what he wants for dinner twice) and I mean SCREAM. He constantly hits and lashes out at his parents/ cousins (who he adores) the screaming when he doesn’t get his own way- like an ice-cream at 8am is so severe and relentless. Nursery have flagged his temper, they think he’s a great child otherwise, great imagination, sense of humour, can be very caring and considerate. But the temper is out of control and they also struggle to know how to handle it. I’ve never known such a temper in anyone- let alone a small child. Has anyone experienced similar? And found ways to help/ improve? Has it got better over time? I’m concerned my son will end up alienating himself from peers as it can be quite scary and it’s happening more and more. Many thanks for any advice x

What are the typical triggers for the temper?

@FuzzyWolf everything and nothing. Obvious things like he gets angry when tired and hungry but sometimes we’ll be having a lovely time and I’ll do something like pick up a glass or close the fridge door and he will see red and scream so furiously that I was not meant to do that…it is so unpredictable. His older cousins have been great trying to keep him entertained on hols and out of nowhere he’ll suddenly say I hate you and lash out and storm off…

So is it when things happen that weren’t how he was expecting or predicting? Is he communication good enough to speak about any of it?

@FuzzyWolf i should have said- his speech is brilliant, everyone comments about how well he talks for his age but when it comes to expressing feelings or why he’s behaved a certain way he’ll say ‘I was angry/ annoyed’ but won’t get anything else

If people are commenting on how advanced his speech is, he could have hyperlexia. If you fill in this simple progress checker, does it say that he needs support?

What have Nursery tried so far?

Have you spoken to your HV about his temper?

Usually by 3 most DC will understand that hitting your peers and family isn’t socially acceptable. You might find the book The Explosive Child by Dr Ross Greene helpful.

Hyoerlexia tends to be advanced reading but poor comprehension. One of my children, who is autistic, had hyperlexia and whilst she could read all the words in books, if you questioned her about the meaning she didn’t know.

If you talk to him after the event and ask questions in a different way, perhaps “what did you think would happen if the fridge door wasn’t closed?” and see if you can get more of an understanding from his perception of what the issue is.

Is it actual anger or is he deregulated/overwhelmed because things aren’t his idea of being right?

Agree that hyperlexia often goes hand in hand with poor comprehension although not always. The progress checker I linked to is a good start as some DC can appear to be able to communicate but sometimes have aspects of their communication missing or behind.