Please help me!!! Absolutely desperate for help

[Loosingthewilltolive111]

Hi everyone
My lovely baby girl who turns 2 next month is point blank REFUSING her pram and car seat.

BACKGROUND-
A few weeks ago she had a suspected UTI and terrible, terrible nappy rash. No idea how the rash got so bad; she is changed after every wee, cream applied etc as she has a history of nappy rash’s coming up quickly and terribly.
She needed 2 rounds of antibiotics and 2 courses of creams to clear up the rash and UTI.
During this time; it obviously hurt in the car seat and at the worst of the UTI she vomited during a car ride…

It has completley changed everything; she is absolutely refusing both her car seat and pram- so much so, the pram caused a 1.5 hour actual hyperventilating meltdown where she suddenly fell asleep and I called 111 as it was so bad, this was in public with multiple lovely people trying to help me and her as she was in such a state, I know it sounds dramatic, she isn’t my first child and I’ve never seen anything like this.

Now it’s the car seat, the pram is okay, she can walk and it’s fine… but the car seat, we’re having to physically restrain her to get her in, I am worried sick about leaving marks or bruises on her because she fights so much to the point she makes herself heave. She managed to get her arm out and has bruised her arm a tiny bit pinching it through the strap. I have bought ANOTHER car seat because I was convinced it was the original one scaring her but it isn’t. Nothing can control her screaming, thrashing, fighting getting into the car. She cried hysterically with proper tears and a quivering bottom lip, she is terrified of it.

My main question is, how can I safely restrain her to get into the car seat because at the moment with her thrashing I’m having to really restrain her and I’m terrified of leaving a bruise on her. And secondly, how can I help her get over this?

Has anyone experienced this before?
thank you so much.

Bumping x

Bring the car seat into the house and get her to sit in it for a minute here and there and reward her?

Play games that involve her sitting in the seat?

Chamomile tea is soothing and relaxing.

Ashton and Parsons powders are excellent at soothing a fretful child.

Keep calm and so small introductions to the seat.

Thank you. We had the car seat in the house and she sat in it today, we made a fuss of her even more when she was in it, lots of clapping and signing. We got her into the car seat find and thought great; she must of not liked the old car seat… then about 2 minutes down the road the hysterical screaming started and she pulled her arms out, it was pulled securely but she still managed to get her arms out.
She screams like she is in terrible pain, it’s absolutely dreadful!!!

Could you distract her as you put her in the car seat with a new toy, or something to focus on other than the car seat maybe?

I have tried something playing on my phone, tried my iPad, tried distraction with sweets which are a rare treat, tried chocolate, books, toys, bubbles. I’m literally at my wits end honestly 😭😭😭

Maybe she is in pain and it’s not just psychological?

This is what I’m really worried about but she is never in pain any other time, sitting in her high chair or sitting at home, literally never ever apart from the car seat and pram

And I bought a new car seat incase it was the last one, she absolutely hates any kind of ‘restraint’

Where are you taking her in the car & is it essential?

Signing? Is she deaf? Is there anything else in play?

Can you completely avoid the car for a few weeks? Obviously don't know your situation but if you can leave it and try again in a few weeks it might be like a sort of reset for her

Sorry lovely, no she isn’t, I meant singing

So today I had a gyne appointment that she had to come with me for, I didn’t have childcare, my eldest was with my mum but she was working from home so he just sat next to her on his Nintendo and isn’t any bother, she wouldn’t of been able to watch her too. And generally we use the car for shopping, to the parks, to parties etc all not in walking distance… So not essential but part of life unfortunately :( especially with her also refusing the pram- it’s getting very isolating

That’s the plan now once the eldest is back in school next week, I’m going to avoid the car at all costs for a few weeks

My youngest absolutely hated any kind of restraint. It was awful. She was fine once she was on a booster with normal seat belt that flexes as you move. But car seat, buggy and high chair were so difficult. Think it was being restrained in a fixed way. Singing seemed to distract her a bit and as she got older explaining why she needed to be in the car but. No magic bullet unfortunately. She is now 15 and very strong willed!!

I wonder if this style of carseat might be more comfortable for her as there no straps in between her legs.
(I know that means having to buy another one...but it might work).
(picture incoming)

Have you tried putting the car seat near you/passenger seat ?
obviously with the commentary that today special day for both of you , special car ride together ….

Hi op can you bribe her. If you get in nicely with no screaming you can have a chocolate button.

Sit teddy into the car seat??

A really structured approach might work? Try the car seat indoors again, and aim to get her to sit in it for one minute. Lots of praise when she does, and importantly, finish it before it becomes negative. Build on this over a few days, then try it in the car with no restraints and without going anywhere. Again, lots of praise and end it positively each time. Keep building positive associations with the chair, aiming each time to extend slightly (once successfully sitting in the chair in the car, introduce the restraints, then next time turn the engine on but don’t go anywhere, then take the car to the end of the road and back etc). It’s key that you finish it each time whilst it’s still positive, and that you control when it ends so that DD builds trust in you around the chair again. It might take a couple of weeks, but small and positive steps. Good luck

That is so helpful thank you so much, that’s what I’m attempting now is positive experiences. Thank you very much

I’d try getting everyone in the car for a 2 minute journey. Everyone (including grown ups, big sister etc) gets a chocolate button if they’re sitting nicely when you leave. Everyone gets one when you stop if they’ve done the journey nicely. Try and keep the first couple of journeys crazy short so that it’s easy for her to win.

Poor you OP that sounds really tough for you both! I would do what others have said and let her sit in the seat inside the house for 5-10 minutes at a time for a week or two. Is she able to communicate enough to say whether she is in pain? Maybe a trip to GP to confirm everything is definitely cleared up would be worthwhile? My daughter is 16 months also hates any kind of restraint but I find very slowly and clearly explaining WHY we need to use pram/car seat eg. ("mummy needs to go to the shops" "first we go in the car, then we'll have our snack at the cafe" etc) does help. Even if she's not understanding everything it seems to calm her a bit.