How to handle another small child insulting DD

[Heckthewhat]

DD is 3.3 and goes to a childminder with another child, who is 3.6. We were on a play date this morning because as far as I know, they get on well and so do we as parents, so meet up outside of CM.

This particular child has always been a bit more ‘free spirited’, but nothing to cause concern. But this morning, for literally no reason she blew a raspberry at DD and said ‘you’re fat and stupid!’. I was just taken aback, and her mum was mortified and said we don’t speak to people like that. DD obviously doesn’t even know what those words mean, but she copies this child a lot and I’m worried she might start picking that language up at CM.

She’s our only and I’ve never had to tackle anything like this before. Do I just teach her that’s not language we use? I realise this is going to obviously happen as she grows up through school etc, but I don’t know how to approach it if it becomes an issue.

If dd understood those words then how would you want her to react? Show her what to say.
I will assume that you want her to say something like “stop, that’s not nice” or “No, I am not”

yy to her hearing worse language sooner rather than later. I’ve heard preschoolers know the worst swear words so be warned.

😂😂

@clotheslinefiasco I’m not sure why it’s funny?

I think that’s my question, @Snorlaxo maybe she should know that language and not to use it, and to stand up for herself. I just don’t want her thinking it’s acceptable to speak to people like that, and I especially hate the word fat.

Unfortunately it’s going to happen, at 3 the child won’t know what fat means although will be aware it’s naughty word etc. just have to teach ur child to not say it back and ignore it or say no I’m not and to play with other children, maybe don’t do play dates with them again

Imo if a kid is saying that at 3 they are hearing it at home or from older kids / media they shouldn’t be exposed to etc. I’m always honest with my dd (also our only) that - & they will get taught this at school - it’s not how we speak to people and if someone calls you it they are not your friend. Personally I wouldn’t continue meeting the other child out of CM but that’s me.

Of course typically developing three year olds know what fat means. Some odd takes on typical language development here.

That aside yes, explain that those are words people use to hurt others with and aren't true. She shouldn't use those words and should tell other children not to use them by saying "that's a mean thing to say" or whatever language choice works for you and her.

At 3 I think they are most likely just hearing it and copying others. My 3.5 yo has said it once to her dad after hearing Peppa pig calling her daddy a ‘fat belly’, most 3 yo wouldn’t single an overweight person out and said she/he’s fat imo. But yes I’d just teach your child to say that’s not very nice and to try and ignore it and encourage play with other children, that’s what I’d do in your psition

I’d just say that is not kind and you should never say that to ppl. My oldest child is 4 in a few months and I literally clamp down hard on any comments about bodies/appearances, I just say we don’t comment on other ppls bodies. Every.single.time.

I think the fact her friends mum was
mortified and told her off will give dd an idea that it was not ok.

Od may be have a chat about if she remembers her friend saying something earlier that her mum told her off for? Then ask her if she knows what to say if someone is unkind? Then teach her to say “stop - o don’t like you being unkind” and reporting it an adult if it doesn’t stop.

I (and nursery) have encouraged 'that's not kind' in response, and getting adult help if it continues. I think that's better than 'no, I'm not', which encourages a 'yes, you are' response, plus they can say 'that's not kind' even if the comment was directed at them.

They're only three and the other mum pulled her child up on it, so I wouldn't let it affect future playdates, etc. at this point.

I agree with this. Like yours, my nearly 4 year old isn’t familiar with those words or even how/what to say to be spiteful as we don’t communicate like that in our house. It’s really difficult, I wouldn’t keep bringing it up now it’s happened though and I probably wouldn’t introduce words to tell DD they’re not kind. Just deal with these issues as they come up. Maybe a few books about kindness etc.

Peppa pig has a lot to answer for with all those jibes at Daddy Pig’s big/fat tummy. Presumably your DD heard the girls mum telling her off and saying we don’t speak to people like that so hopefully both girls will now have gotten the message it’s unacceptable. I don’t think you need to do anything except maybe remind DD that she can always say ‘that’s not kind’ and tell the CM if something happens there.