21 yr old Dd drinks a bottle of vodka a day-how do we help her?

[magnoliatrees]

Dd is at uni in Scotland, we are in the SE of England.
I have just got off the phone with her in a terrible state as she admitted she needs a bottle of vodka a day to feel normal.
She was sent to a rehabilitation centre today after a GP appt yesterday and has been advised by them ( a volunteer, not a medic) NOT to stop drinking but the wait for a rehab program is 2 months. Drinking a bottle of vodka every day till then is no answer, surely.
Dh is going up on the first train tomorrow to fetch her back home, what do we do then? Does anyone have any experience of a recovery path with a young adult. As in, what is our first port of call, resources available, what can we do?
I feel so lost and in the dark and my heart breaks for my Dd that she feels unable to cope with life without booze.

Also encourage her to look at SMART recovery - there are online as well as in person groups, including an all women online group.

Is there any way you could afford private rehab? That could start much sooner. She is so young to be so far away and dealing with this alone. Or could one of you take time off work and go up to be with her while she waits for the referral?

Bring her home.

Please read up carefully the signs and symptoms of alcohol withdrawal until you understand them fully. Some constitute an acute medical emergency which means immediate A&E to prevent permanent severe damage to health. Someone needs to accompany the patient to ensure the staff realise what they're dealing with. Meanwhile, get some vitamin B1 tablets in and make sure you know why I'm saying this. Medically supervised withdrawal is essential at those high levels of intake but you may need to fight for it. Good luck.

The death rate for alcoholics is much higher than average. Understanding the causes (acute poisoning, accidents, crime, Wernicke's encephalopathy, liver disease etc) enables prevention.

The best news is that she has recognised she has a problem and asked for help. She is no longer hiding it. I have an alcoholic brother,now in his 60s,so I have a lot of experience of this. We are in Scotland and in our area the support for alcoholics is very poor on the NHS.
Other posters are correct,going cold turkey at that level is dangerous. But she can start reducing,diluting her drink with a splash of water to begin with,drinking very small glasses at regular intervals and gradually increasing the intervals. Like taking medicine.

Once this is under control,the work starts on what triggered the drinking in the first place and that needs a good therapist. The book The Naked Mind by Annie Grace explains very clearly how the brain becomes addicted . DM me if I can help.

@BrickBiscuit thanks, have just sometime time reading about Vit b1

Great. You need the info specific to B1 and alcohol withdrawal; that should narrow it down. All the best.

Pretty sure OP had her daughter know this and didn’t need it pointed out. Her daughter has recognised she has a problem and asked for help. The OP came here asking for support and advice - your comment was neither. Maybe think before you post next time. Sometimes the OP needs a good head wobble and that comment would have been fine - but that clearly wasn’t the case here.

OP you should be proud that your daughter has felt she can come to you for help. It’s not going to be easy, but if she wants to change that will help. Do you know how her drinking started? I was raped at 17, and as soon as I turned 18 I discovered alcohol numbed the pain, so I started drinking more, then more often, then daily. I had a good couple of years like this til I realised it wasn’t a healthy way to cope and cut down. If you daughter started drinking due to a trauma, getting her counselling could help as learning good coping strategies that don’t require booze will help her get through some of the tougher times.

Good luck to you both.

@Tillow4ever there's clearly an underlying cause to her unhappiness and I hope she gets to discover it. Although I know it can be a lifetimes journey for some people.

I found your story so moving, thank you for sharing and giving hope at the same time.

I don’t get soppy, but your words just bought tears to my eyes - thank you. Your daughter is so lucky to have you. If this gives you more hope, these days I only drink two or three times a YEAR, and I’m the last 20 years or so I can only think of 3 maybe 4 times I’ve been drunk - 3 of them were work events where drinking was very much encouraged, the 4th was at a friends when I hadn’t eaten and the drink went straight to me head.

@magnoliatrees Right. I’m a mental health nurse who used to work for a drug and alcohol service. This is just my initial thoughts.

First, she must not stop drinking. Alcohol use increases the number and sensitivity of specific receptors in the brain and when these are suddenly empty that may cause seizures. She can reduce her drinking by up to 10% a day but this might make her feel ill. We tend to advise people to ‘drink to their symptoms’ and keep a diary of how much they’re drinking. Getting B1 (thiamine) into her is vital. Excessive alcohol use can cause B1 deficiency which is really dangerous. Hopefully she will have been prescribed some, 200mg a day over the counter if not.

Second, in terms of detox/rehab she is very young and drinking a fair bit. At that level of alcohol intake she will almost certainly need impatient detox followed by rehab. This is normally 4 weeks of detox followed by 3 months of rehab. Funding may be messy due to the cross country nature of her situation and her age-they won’t want to put her in a rehab with lots of older poly drug users. Has anyone completed bloods or a SAD-Q? The SAD-Q is a questionnaire that helps to determine how dependent her body is on alcohol. These will need doing ASAP.

Additionally, her mental health may really struggle as she stops drinking, especially with her history. Ideally she needs to be seen by a service with mental health staff so they can start to address the underlying issues. Groups may be a good idea, but, again, will have many attendees with longstanding substance misuse difficulties. The last thing you want is her being introduced to other substances. Long term, she needs to see the mental health team but they likely won’t see her while she’s drinking. Getting her seen by the local drug and alcohol service as quickly as you can is the best idea and they will help come up with a plan. Many of these services work with community services for the under 25s and they may have specific young person groups she could attend.

I hope some of this is useful. Right now get her home and keep her safe. If you feel like you can’t keep her safe ring 999 if in acute crisis or 111 option 2. Please do keep asking for help, this is hard and potentially distressing for everyone involved xx.

Recovering alcoholic here, I too used to drink a bottle of vodka or 3 bottles + of wine a day.

My advice would be to follow her lead and support her to be wherever she is comfortable. Do not try to limit or control her drinking. It’s actually the right advice to carry on drinking as she is until she can have proper detox support. It’s much safer to drink a bottle of vodka a day than to stop cold turkey.

She is very lucky to have your support. I knew I was struggling in my late 20s. But I didn’t really have a supportive family or anyone to turn to, until I met my husband. I didn’t stop until I was 42. What a gift it will be for her to get this sorted now so she has her whole life ahead of her.

The one thing I would say is you can’t do it for her by keeping her away from things or trying to control her access to alcohol. She needs to do it herself. What you can do is be available to drive her to appointments, meetings, maintain a healthy lifestyle in your home (healthy nutritious food, don’t drink even if she still is for now, get rid of all your alcohol) and consider if you have the means to pay for private rehab.

Also do not feel despondent if it takes a few attempts. Almost no one gets sober on their first try. It was about 2 years between when I first realised I needed to get sober and when I actually did, with a few periods of not drinking for several weeks sprinkled in there. When I was ready, I just did it - on my own, no rehab, no detox (I wouldn’t recommend this in her case), I was done and no I stopped and never looked back. I’m 2.5 years sober now and have no regrets and don’t ever think about drinking now.It’s normal to have a few stumbles along the way. Make sure to applaud her for getting up and trying again.

@magnoliatrees the good thing is she is reaching out to you for help, my son is an alcoholic and although he is no longer drinking daily at that level he has done in the past. The hard thing is to help but not enable her , the motivation for change has to come from her. I found this book good https://www.awesomebooks.com/book/9798598966839/understanding-and-helping-an-addict-and-keeping-your-sanity/used
as others have said she needs medical support to withdraw and shouldn’t suddenly stop as this is dangerous. If she is able to gradually reduce once home that is great. My son is using something called the Sinclair Method via Rethink Drink which is another approach to treating alcohol use disorders and is reported to be a lot more effective than abstinence programmes, there is another thread on here about that at the moment. I would suggest you spend the next few days looking into all the options so that you can offer your Dd the support she needs

She couldn’t be ADHD could she? People drink for the dopamine hit. Is there any in the family?

I think bring her home but allow her to wean herself off the alcohol slowly with your support and seek medical help obviously

Alcoholics can die if they go cold turkey. Follow the advice of waiting for rehab. Be incredibly proud if your DD for realising she has a problem and getting help at such a young age. I wish her a speedy recovery.

As pp have said, op I recommend you go to Al Anon. You will get help and support from people who have been through/are going through the same.
Thinking of you - alcoholism is a cruel disease affecting everyone, the alcoholic and all those who love them.

Could she try and switch to wine, then down to beer, then v low alcohol beer then alcohol free?

Vodka sends you a bit crazy as you don't realise how drunk you are. I really hope she manages to reduce and hopefully quit.

And definitely try and make sure she goes to the rehab..

Practical advice

NHS Scotland and NHS England can't talk to each other and can't access medical records so make sure that you get her registered with a GP locally asap and she will need to see another GP to get put on the waiting list at your home.

(I discovered this recently as a Scot taking ill in England)

What is she studying? Has this been going on for some time or is it perhaps due to the summer break? Isolation?
unless a course like nursing which is all year.

it’s incredibly brave of her to tell you and I would absolutely get her home.

This is exactly what I came on to say.
If you have younger children, there is also Alateen. The AA and its’s sister groups literally saved my family and childhood. DM is approaching 48 years sober.

You need to get her into a private detox and rehab clinic asap. The earlier you get treatment the better the long term outcomes are. Mentally prepare yourself for the rollercoaster ahead.