Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

21 yr old Dd drinks a bottle of vodka a day-how do we help her?

48 replies

magnoliatrees · 28/08/2025 21:51

Dd is at uni in Scotland, we are in the SE of England.
I have just got off the phone with her in a terrible state as she admitted she needs a bottle of vodka a day to feel normal.
She was sent to a rehabilitation centre today after a GP appt yesterday and has been advised by them ( a volunteer, not a medic) NOT to stop drinking but the wait for a rehab program is 2 months. Drinking a bottle of vodka every day till then is no answer, surely.
Dh is going up on the first train tomorrow to fetch her back home, what do we do then? Does anyone have any experience of a recovery path with a young adult. As in, what is our first port of call, resources available, what can we do?
I feel so lost and in the dark and my heart breaks for my Dd that she feels unable to cope with life without booze.

OP posts:
OtterMummy2024 · 28/08/2025 22:40

That's an awful situation for you all, very sorry for your DD.

Drink Aware has guidance here. I would also find out how the university can help, even if your DD is back home.

www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/general-health-effects/alcohol-withdrawal-symptoms

magnoliatrees · 28/08/2025 22:47

Thank you @OtterMummy2024 that's helpful.

OP posts:
ninjahamster · 28/08/2025 22:52

It’s dangerous to stop suddenly so that will be why they haven’t advised that. It is really positive she’s told people and recognised there’s an issue. So difficult for you all. I wonder if deferring her next uni year might be a good idea? Worth a chat to the uni.
Good luck x

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Blueflowerpower · 28/08/2025 22:52

I'm sorry you're going through this. The volunteer is probably right about not stopping immediately, though. Going cold turkey can cause seizures and even death in those who are drinking lots. I hope she can get the help she needs. Admitting that she has a problem is the first step.

Theimpossiblegirl · 28/08/2025 22:53

A big well done for stepping in and giving her the support she needs. Is she registered with a GP at home? That would be the first thing.

MounjaroMounjaro · 28/08/2025 22:54

I'm so sorry. She will get through this - she's young and healthy, and she has a really good family behind her. It'll take time. I think she should take this year off and focus on getting healthy. It might be she was mixing with others who would be bad company for her right now. Wishing you all well.

proname · 28/08/2025 22:55

She is an adult, but you could envourage her to make an appointment with her GP. Offer to take her there and back - if she wants to.
you could check on the website of your council, what kind of help might be available to her but also to you.
you need support to support her, love is often not enough.

rockstarshoes · 28/08/2025 22:57

i know nothing at all about this but I think your daughter has been very brave seeking help & talking to you today!

She must trust that you’re going to help her & I think that’s a good start on what will probably be a difficult journey for you all!.

RavenPie · 28/08/2025 22:58

Sudden/complete withdrawal can be very dangerous. She needs to stay hydrated and have electrolytes. Get help from your own GP as dd will be resident with you as of tomorrow. Your GP might be able to find her an inpatient facility to detox in or at the very least give her medication to help with detoxing at home. Has she been away all summer? If it’s recent and it’s not as much alcohol as she’s saying then hopefully the detox will be milder. She will feel worse over the weekend but pick up again next week. If she is detoxing at home she will need to be supervised because she might be very unwell and also might scarper.

ChaliceinWonderland · 28/08/2025 23:00

Get first train up there,,, she is calling out for help.

Briningitallin · 28/08/2025 23:04

It’s great that she’s been honest with you, that’s a massive step forward. It’s brilliant to that you are both onboard with helping her.

Get her to the GP as soon as possible. Feed her healthy nutritious food, make sure she has plenty of water to drink and look after yourselves as well. You have a difficult road ahead but get whatever support the GP suggests.

the5thgoldengirl · 28/08/2025 23:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

suki1964 · 28/08/2025 23:11

As an Alkie who has been there , the advice they are giving is spot on

She can not go cold turkey, she needs to carry on until they have a place for her to detox, be that a home envoirment or inpatient .

With the amount she is imbibing , going cold turkey could be dangerous

Also the wait between referral and getting on a programme focusses a person

I got my detox in November 1999 - outpatient

I had been referred to it from the August

I saw a counsellor every week between

IF she is engaged and committed she will be good.

Do check what services are available in the area where you live. Alcohol services are few and far and over subscribed

Dont pull her from a place where she is in the system if where you want her to be means starting again with a long wait time

Hairyfairy01 · 28/08/2025 23:20

I presume her gp is up in Scotland? To access nhs facilities she will have to stay living in the area her gp is, so if she is moving back down south make sure you register her with a gp asap so she can get on their waiting list for rehab. But bear in mind that different areas offer different services, I strongly suspect Scotland might offer more / better services but worth investigating.

WithIcePlease · 28/08/2025 23:25

"Dont pull her from a place where she is in the system if where you want her to be means starting again with a long wait time"
This!!

It must be very hard but imo a 2 month wait for rehabilitation sounds quite good. But I would check exactly what is meant by this - is it a 2 month wait for a home detox or for inpatient treatment/detox?

Before you bring her home, I would be calling local services - they are all self referral ime and you may well be able to ask one of the workers what their timescales are and ask for general advice. It would have been possible to do this in the geographical area I worked in but may not be possible in all.

Good luck.

oldclock · 28/08/2025 23:26

She can't go cold turkey but could drop bt 10% every couple of days, will need your help and support.

Redburnett · 28/08/2025 23:28

If she is ready to accept help you could look for a private rehab where she could have medication in the early withdrawal phase, then a period of abstinence with counselling etc. Costly but worth it if it works especially as she is so young. Borrow the money if necessary. Check the 'philosophy' of the rehab first to ensure it is a good fit for your DD's beliefs etc. A lot use AA 12 steps, not ideal for everyone, but works for some.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/08/2025 23:57

If you’re going to get her then straight to gp at home

sodifficult1 · 29/08/2025 00:16

magnoliatrees · 28/08/2025 21:51

Dd is at uni in Scotland, we are in the SE of England.
I have just got off the phone with her in a terrible state as she admitted she needs a bottle of vodka a day to feel normal.
She was sent to a rehabilitation centre today after a GP appt yesterday and has been advised by them ( a volunteer, not a medic) NOT to stop drinking but the wait for a rehab program is 2 months. Drinking a bottle of vodka every day till then is no answer, surely.
Dh is going up on the first train tomorrow to fetch her back home, what do we do then? Does anyone have any experience of a recovery path with a young adult. As in, what is our first port of call, resources available, what can we do?
I feel so lost and in the dark and my heart breaks for my Dd that she feels unable to cope with life without booze.

I’m so glad you’ve posted this, I’m been trying to pluck up the courage to do the same, my daughter is 25 and drinks at least a bottle of scotch or vodka a day. She also has bpd so is on medication for that,

she was referred by her mental health team to aspire and she’s been having weekly appointments with them for the last 4 weeks. The plan is to start her on a detox program mid September, this will be done residential going in every day for the day but coming home at night. This is all dependent on the results of the blood tests she had done today.

from what I understand the staff at these places are a mix of volunteers and medical staff who work together. Each meeting she’s been to there have been 2 volunteers (ex addicts) and 1 or 2 medical staff.

im so scared about her future, we nearly lost her once and I feel the slightest thing could tip her again. She’s adamant she wants to do this, and she can fight it. All any of us can do is offer support.

my advice is to get her home, don’t stop her drinking, you won’t however hard you try. We’ve finally got her to stop drinking in her bedroom in secret which is a big thing. She is open about what she’s doing, and this sounds terrific, but we sit in the evenings with her (that’s when she drinks) and play games do model making anything really to slow the drinking down. It breaks my heart watching her our another glass but I bite my tongue. The advice we’ve been given is to carry on doing this, and encourage her to keep a record of how much she’s drinking, she was provided a measure todo this which she will sometimes use if I’m careful when suggesting it.

get her home, and get her to see that drinking in secret doesn’t help and you won’t encourage her but you will sit with her and understand. Speak to your gp ask what the plans are for her.

call alcoholics anonymously they will support you and give you advice on how to deal with this.

and don’t try to do this alone, there’s a lot of us out there trying to support loved ones through this.

Heyitsmeyeh · 29/08/2025 00:18

Have seen AL-anon shared already but wanted to recommend also. They’re for families of alcoholics (AA is for the alcoholics themselves). You can go in person or online. Judgement free set up. Can’t tell you how supportive I found it when father’s drinking came to a head last year.

anterenea · 29/08/2025 00:52

Unless she quits drinking she will die at a young age, alcoholics don’t live very long

PiggieWig · 29/08/2025 01:00

It’s so difficult. The natural instinct is to swoop in and save them, but doing that stands in the way of their recovery.
It’s good she’s turned to you and 2 months wait for rehab sounds a really good trajectory. I know you’ll just want to bring her home and wrap her up but letting her do the thing, and supporting her while she does might be better?

sodifficult1 · 29/08/2025 01:48

anterenea · 29/08/2025 00:52

Unless she quits drinking she will die at a young age, alcoholics don’t live very long

There are some things that just don’t need pointing out

LadyWiddiothethird · 29/08/2025 01:57

anterenea · 29/08/2025 00:52

Unless she quits drinking she will die at a young age, alcoholics don’t live very long

What a stupid comment!! Alcoholics can live for many years! I am an alcoholic,sober since 2003,my Mother was also an alcoholic and never stopped drinking,she lasted years.

Most areas have funded rehabilitation places,there are several in my area.

magnoliatrees · 29/08/2025 06:48

@suki1964
Thank you for posting about your experiences, I found it hard to read that by bringing her home we may be doing her an mis-service but I appreciate it being pointed out as it is something I hadn't considered.

I've spoken to Dd just now and she is desperate to come home. She has history of self harming too and I just think being home right now under our wings whilst we figure out a path forward is the best thing.

@sodifficult1 I'm sorry to hear you've the same with your Dd. Strength to you Flowers

Thank you all for your support-they have been bolstering to read after sleepless night.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread