To take DD home early from wedding?

[Topofthepops9]

DD is flower girl at my SIL wedding in a couple of months, at which point she will be 3.3yo. The wedding is 20 min from our house, so we’ve planned to attend the ceremony/meal and then I’ll drive DD home at 7:30 where my mum will put her to bed. Then I’ll join DH back for the reception at 8pm until finish.

DHs family are outraged and say we’re being unfair, she would love it etc etc. SIL has a 15mo and a 4.5yo, both of whom are going to just stay up til they crash on sofas/pram, and then be taken to bed at midnight. I see no issue in that, but DD gets beyond mardy when she’s tired and honestly we would just prefer to let our hair down knowing she’s tucked up in bed, as we rarely get the chance.

AIBU to cut her day short?

You know your DD best. She’ll have a lovely day but she’ll be tired by the end of it and a ratty overtired toddler is no fun at all. Plus you’ll be able to have a nice time with your DH at the evening reception, relax and really let your hair down.

I hope you and your DH are united on this, it should be him putting his family back in the box.

Unless DH’s family are planning on being on “keep an eye on the toddler all evening” duty, they don’t get a say.

7:30 is plenty late enough, she's tiny.

Sounds like a good plan but I think I'd play it by ear and see how she was.

She's your child, not theirs, so what you say goes.
And fwiw yanbu

This^
but I bet not so it’s your call. And tbh they are very unreasonable.
Did they hope that you would look after DD and their kids as well?

Thanks everyone, DH and I very much on the same page, and he’s told his family this is our decision, that way we can all enjoy it and less meltdowns the following day. I have said we need to make sure we don’t end up babysitting DNs though in lieu of DD! They have said ‘there will be plenty of people there to keep an eye on them’.

Nope, I will be dancing to ABBA 😎

Just be careful you and DH don't overdo it and ruin the next day - poor DD having to deal with tired and mardy parents!

(Yes, this is tongue in cheek before anyone has a go!)

Your plan sounds perfect OP - best of both worlds!

😂 @SingingSands I know - I am worried I’ll get over excited at my new found freedom. Must remember hangover + toddler = hell.

You should do what's best for your daughter, because you're her parents and know her best. It's all very well other people telling you you're being unfair, when it won't be them having to deal with an overtired and crabby child!! My son would be exactly the same, and I would have done the same as you are planning to do with your daughter.

Your child and therefore your choice.

It sounds like a sensible plan and as well as your DD enjoying being at the wedding you get to enjoy the evening without needing to look after a 3 year old.

Ignore the outrage. Your plan is fine.

Don't talk about it with them anymore. Smile and nod. On the night just do it and tell them she was not going to settle.

Your plan sounds incredibly sensible to me. Don’t listen to others

I suspect they are mostly annoyed because, given that you would be looking after your own 3 year old, you were unwittingly going to be the default babysitter for the bride and grooms kids.

Anyway, you’ve swerved that now. Well done!

Your choice but I’d just take the buggy or a blanket and let her crash out, kids love weddings

I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting an evening to just be yourselves rather than parents, actually have a drink and relax.

If it was about being super strict with your daughters routine I’d see your in laws point as she probably would have a good time- the attention and adrenaline keeps them going! (I recently took our 2.5yo to a 60th party and she was life of the party, tearing up the silent disco till about 10pm 😂)

Anyway, you two are her parents so it’s no one else’s business how you decide to parent and spend your day- they’ll get over it 🤷🏼‍♀️

My family have said crap like that until I reframed it. It's not about DD's sleep, it's about MY enjoyment. I want to let my hair down and have a drink and not have to keep an eye out on a toddler.