Husband disagrees with co-sleeping and feeding to sleep our 11 month old

[Goodmohawk]

I’ve been co sleeping and feeding to sleep my 11 month old for the past 6 or so months. It started as she was getting harder to settle and I was due back at work full time so needed the sleep and this way worked well for both me and her. Husband has been sleeping on the sofa so is not very happy with the situation. But he makes me feel very guilty for it and thinks it’s going to go on forever. I however now actually enjoy having her close to me and hope she will just slowly wean herself off when she’s ready. I would like to suggest setting up some sort of floor bed in her room so he can have the bed back, but I know this will create the same response of him thinking I’m doing wrong. Am I being unreasonable or do lots of mums do this with their babies??

Completely normal and fine to do. My second is 16 months and co sleeping and feeding to sleep after the first wake. I resisted co sleeping with my first, but she was a terrible sleeper and it was the only way to get sleep. It worked well for us so I’ve done the same with my second.

If it works for you, keep doing it. A floor bed set up sounds good. We actually have a king size bed and a toddler bed/cot bed in both bedrooms to give my husband and I the flexibility to each co sleep with one of the kids (older one now 3, sometimes co sleeps part of the night).

So I’m very pro co sleeping as a method of doing what you need to do to survive. With a toddler and a preschooler who both still wake up several times a night, I completely understand how exhausting it is and how hard it is to give something up that you know works well and allows everyone to get decent sleep. I had the same arguments with my husband and I used to get so upset that when I can finally get sleep, he’s preventing that as a matter of principle. After a very long time, he realised the difference it makes to their sleep.

Except in your case your husband is on the sofa, and that’s not really ok or fair on him, so his objections are understandable. For us, DH will sleep in the spare room.

I think the floor bed in your DD’s room is a good idea. You can see how she gets on on her own, but can sleep next to her if need be. Alternatively you can get a full sized bed using bed guards to ensure she doesn’t fall off.

Just to pre-empt those that will say the reason children don’t sleep is because they co-sleep, I only started co-sleeping with either my children from around 12 months and until that point, neither slept through the night. Co-sleeping is very natural and normal and for those with poor sleepers, essential for getting sleep.

I also breastfed my first until he was over 2 and my second is almost 2 and still breastfed. My first fed to sleep until around 18 months and stopping made no difference to sleep. My second has never breastfed to sleep as it’s never been in his nature and he has the same sleeping issues as his older brother. I appreciate that’s anecdotal but just an example to say that some children are simply poor sleepers.

We co-slept with ours and I breastfed lying down, but your husband being on the sofa is not fair.

I definitely arrange something in her room so you can continue to co-sleep (which I loved) and your husband can sleep in a bed.

Completely normal. Dh slept on a mattress on the floor of our room for probably about 2 years with each of them. It meant we all got sleep.

How about your Dh comes back into bed, you pop some ear plugs in, and he does all the night wake ups, offers a cup of milk, and sits in your dc’s room to re-settle at every wake up while you crack on with sleeping? I think it’s fine to take that approach, but it becomes his job to do it and his lost sleep.

At 11 months, I would have clambered for the opportunity to sleep on the sofa every night!