How do I get my baby to sleep better

[Momstermash94]

My DD is 7.5 mo, she has always been a terrible sleeper since birth but it's really wearing me down. She woke up 8 times last night from when she went to bed until I gave up resettling her and just got up. This isn't a rare occurrence, her average has become 6 times a night as her normal and I am exhausted. I get anxiety about going to sleep because I am anticipating her waking again and it is throwing me into PND as I am so burnt out. I am so desperate, I thought sleep would be improving by now. Can someone tell me what I am doing wrong or what I can do better.

• We moved her into her own room at about 5 months to see if it would improve her sleep as I think we were waking her up, she was going through a long period of waking hourly and we were desperate. That improved her sleep but only short term.

• Ever since she was about 4 mo and in the pits of the sleep regression I've had a firm bedtime routine in place - nappy change, pyjamas, sleepsack, book and breastfeed and aim to be in bed by 7pm, I keep the same structure and routine every night. She usually goes down ok but wakes about 45 mins after.

• Baths before bed don't help her sleep, sometimes I think they make it worse.

• She has black out blinds and curtains, white noise, I dress her warm enough for the temperature.

• She's never been interested in a dummy or comforter

• We go for a walk in the evening before bed so she gets fresh air

• She's EBF and majorly bottle refused so all the night shifts are on me which is really hard, the introduction to solids don't seem to be helping her sleep so I don't think its hunger but the boobs usually her comfort

• She is teething at the moment, 2 teeth have broken through, I do sometimes think she's waking in pain so I do give her calpol and/or nurofen when I think thats why she's waking, it might help a little bit but doesn't make a huge difference

• She's not a very good napper either, she will nap for maybe 30 mins two times (occasionally 3) a day and I can't seem to get her to nap longer, which makes it hard as I can't then sleep when she sleeps in the day as I take a long time to drift off and I wake up worse off if I just happen to drift off as she wakes me back up

She just doesnt sleep. Please help 😓

Lots of people say it didn’t work for them but I’d go to a cranial osteopath, it helped 3 of mine.

Does she always go down awake or do you bf her to sleep - if you do bf to sleep or Everytime before she is put down to go to sleep then that is her sleep association.

Having a non-sleeper is brutal.

How does she fall asleep?
If feeding to sleep then she hasn't learnt to link her sleep cycles herself hence the constant wake ups and short naps.

Try changing when you feed her to shortly before bed but put her down awake stay and sussshhhh comfort etc. My DH would do the wake ups if less then 3 hours as my DSs didn't need a feed if around the 3 hour mark then he would try if going ballistic after 5 mins still I would feed but keep them awake.

We followed Lucy Wolfe method of stay and support.
Also sending big hugs as DS1 was the same until we sleep trained.

Thank you for the replies

I tend to feed her until she's drowsy and sleepy and then put her down and pat her bum or stroke her chest for a minute after I put her down.
She doesn't seem to be able to get sleepy without being fed to that point, although she wouldn't really be fully asleep when I put her down as she tends to move around and get herself into the position she wants to be in. But maybe I am getting her too close to sleep before I put her down. I do think she has a feed to sleep association as she appears to always be wired unless I feed her until she's really drowsy and it's the same with naps.

I'm going to look into Lucy Wolfes method. Did you find that made a difference? @Scottishskifun

I'll look into the cranial osteopath too and see if we can afford it.

Sleep deprivation is torture. It really makes it hard to be the mom I want to be

Try and stop patting her when you can see she's about to drift off and let her do the last few seconds herself. That should help her learn to link her sleep cycles a bit better as she's able to fall asleep alone.

Ok, first I want to say that my DS is not your DD. They are all different so please don't think how it worked out for me is what will happen to you. But sometimes it's good to know that it's nothing your doing "wrong", they just can't connect sleep cycles no matter what you try. It's a skill they need to learn just like walking and talking.

My DS was exactly the same and we tried everything, osteopathie, we hired a sleep coach, all sorts of sleep training, strict routines. Nothing made a ounce of difference.

Although the sleep coach didn't help my DS sleep better she did save my sanity. We got her at the 12 months point when DS was waking roughly 10/12 times a night. What she helped with was focusing on trying one thing at the time. At that point I was so desperate and I got so overwhelmed with all the sleep advice out there that ever time I started trying something new I would read something else contradictory which would make me doubt what I was doing.

Things that helped a bit was safe co-sleeping. It reduced the amount of waking and helped getting him back to sleep faster.

DS stopped breastfeeding at 15 months and I think that helped a little bit with the amount of times he woke up but I still had to walk him back to sleep about 5 time a night. It started to get a lot better at 2 and a half. Now at almost four he wakes once at around 2 am and I go and sleep with him. If I don't go and sleep with him he will probably wake another 2 times.

On the flip side he has always been a very happy and healthy child, his moter skills have always been ahead of his peers (was able to keep his head up from the day he was born, sitting at 3 months, walking at 10 months). Not a lot of tantrums, never bit of hit other children. So the bad sleep never did him any harm.

My advice would be to try things, because it gets better much quicker for many. But at the same time try to find a way to have peace with what it is. Accept that it's a skill you're DD just hasn't developed yet. And know it's nothing your doing wrong. There is no trick other parents have figured out that you haven't.

@Momstermash94 yes it made a huge difference for my DS he went from waking every 50 minutes to 3 hour stretches within 4 days and then he stretched that to 5 hours within 6 weeks. Was sleeping through the night from 11 months.
DS2 was a bit longer but again sleeping through the night from 13 months but he was a 2-3 hour waker so it didn't feel too bad til he was around 10 months.

The crucial part is to start when you have time and your DH/DP needs to start it (I went for a walk). See if the library has the book and have a honest conversation as you both need to be on board and consistent. You will need to sit on your hands a bit.

I've been there with sleep deprivation, I was actually dangerous as I couldn't remember getting places let alone driving. My GP assessed me for PND and said no you have sleep deprivation. There is a reason it's used as a torture device. She called my husband in and was very frank with him and we got the book and started a few days later at the weekend.

Also get a comforter and wear it down your top for a few days prior to starting the process.
We also bought the lumnie bedbug light and set this up as it has a sunset button and emits the right coloured light. They aren't cheap but we still use it now so it's 6 years and still going.

I used a similar approach to @Scottishskifun when still breastfeeding. Any wakes before 2am - DP sent in to settle. Presumably no association with milk! Same until 5am.

Mine is fully weaned now, but still wakes in the night once or twice at 15m, however (fingers crossed!) always goes back to sleep after a shush and a pat. We always give DC 2-3 minutes of fussing before we go in, because half the time or more, they settle them self.

Around 7, 7.5 months was when naps magically improved for my baby (from 30 mins to two hours!) - it was actually rather annoying, because the end of my maternity leave was very stressful with a hysterically over-tired baby who would barely nap. Then baby just sorted it out for them self exactly as my DP started paternity leave, when he was doing nothing different to me! At least I came home from work to a well rested baby rather than a gremlin.

Around 6 months, we did some sleep training i.e. I put him down, awake, and left. I came back in the room every few minutes, he fell asleep after about 30 minutes in total (mostly crying/some moaning). Repeat next night (he only cried for 15 mins on night 2 and 5 minutes on night 3) and for naps.

Within 3 days, he was falling asleep independently and night wakes for breastfeeding reduced to 2x night, and taking consistent long naps in his crib.

At 11 months, he decided to sleep through the night by himself.

Some mothers think any crying is cruel and I'm the devil for letting my child cry for 20 minutes.

Others will agree sleep deprivation is torture and babies do need to learn to self settle.

And I could see him on the baby cam waking at night, babbling and then going back to sleep so he couldn't be that unhappy. He only cried when he wanted milk.

That being said:

1. my son was already choosing to self settle sometimes so I knew he was ready
2. 30 minutes was my cut off, crying close to an hour would mean a baby is not ready, in my opinion
3. you absolutely cannot do this when you suspect they are unwell or teething