Toddler horrible to baby sibling

[Emma543]

Hi all just after advice
the past two weeks I’ve been worried about my toddlers behaviour and just getting so frustrated. The kids are 3 and 1 in November, the eldest recently has just been awful to deal with in regards to her sister, seems to be constantly hitting her, won’t let her near any of her perceived belongings even shoes etc. Has bit her twice and then laughed when I asked if she bit her.
Toddler will ask for baby to play in her toy kitchen with her etc then next minute will be shoving her over or losing it as she’s touched something she doesn’t want her too. But even when I try and get them to play separately, eldest is then more interested in babys stuff and comes storming over to snatch off her etc. Then when I say no will go into a massive tantrum and kick etc. Eldest gets lots of 1/1 time and positive reinforcement but I have tried removing toys from her etc when she has behaved badly but nothing helps. By the end of the day I’m so frustrated :(
is this normal?? Any tips to help?
thankyou

The word 'normal' isn't helpful really. This behaviour does happen but needs to be tackled.

Firstly get a system to separate them when you can't supervise closely - so if you need to cook tea then you keep the baby in a playpen in the room you're in so they can't be hurt.

It can help to actively supervise play and keep talking to the older one. 'Can you let baby have a turn? Well done, you're being so kind, that makes me very proud. Now is it your turn? Your sister will want you to have a turn. In this family we share, mummy and daddy will always share with you etc etc'. Toddler will ask for baby to play in her toy kitchen with her etc then next minute will be shoving her over or losing it as she’s touched something she doesn’t want her too. You may need to join in with the playing to make sure this can't happen. Encourage the older one to think about what she wants to share and what she wants to put away before they start playing.

eldest is then more interested in babys stuff and comes storming over to snatch off her etc. Then when I say no will go into a massive tantrum and kick etc. What is the 'baby's stuff'? It might help to buy two of some things. Rather than saying no, encourage turn taking and swapping.
Does the oldest also have some personal things the youngest can't play with?

What are your consequences for hitting/biting/kicking? There needs to be something every time, plus the statement 'we don't hit in this family'.

Have you started talking to the older one about feelings? There is lots of advice about this online, but just saying 'do you feel very cross?' can be a start.

The only way I have resolved similar behaviour is consistent, quality 1:1 time with the older one, but that can be hard to achieve in this season of life!

No advice but in the same boat - you are not alone!